My last post of 2010. And it will be about....teething!
In one word,this sucks. This totally brings me back to the newborn days....the crying (Maddie is not a big crier, so this is an obvious change in our household), the early morning wake ups (today it was at 4:50am...did not go back to bed till 6m), and the insecurities of not knowing what to do. Why so many uncertainties?
1. While it could be teething, it could also not.... I know we are expecting a tooth but a tooth sometimes doesn't cut for weeks, sometimes months! I'm pretty sure it is, but I can't say with positivity... therefore, I am always unsure about medicating her. I hate to medicate to begin with, but if she is really uncomfortable and cant sleep, i dont mind giving her something to take the edge off. However, if she is not teething or in pain, then why give her a dropper full of tylenol every 4 hours?
2. Starting bad habits - For the past 5 nights, when she cries, I go in and pick her up and soothe her. Last night I actually nursed her back to sleep. Babies pick up bad habits QUICK. She will soon learn to just cry out even though shes not in pain because she has learned I will come in and get her. I try to let her cry for a bit, but since she has been such a great night sleeper in the past, I have been going in to help her. I figure it has to be something wrong if shes crying. However, if i keep this up, I can't be sure anymore. So what to do... i dont know if i can wait till the tooth cuts to stop. It might take weeks.
On a sidenote, excessive drooling and putting their hands in their mouth are not signs of teething (something babies will do starting at 3 months). These are natural occurances for any baby, and part of the maturing process. But when they are teething, there becomes an obvious difference. When they cry, they make the "im in pain cry". Not only is she putting her hands in her mouth but she is chomping down on them. She will chomp down on anything, and when she does her whole body sort of shakes, as if shes trying to bite harder to get relief. She rubs her tongue on her gums or makes sucking noises. And if you thought the drooling was bad before, its like a faucet now. We go through at least 8-10 bibs a day and thats sort of reusing them after they've dried.
Anyway, last night, she woke up at 4:50 am. crying. if she does wake up, she puts herself back to sleep but she was crying and didnt seem like she was going back. So i went in. I really didnt want to medicate (we already gave her tylenol and orajel when she went to bed), so i nursed her. She didnt fall asleep but she was calm, so I put her back in the crib. She cried for like 5 minutes and then fell asleep. By the time she fell asleep, it was 6am. I was so tired....she woke up 40 minutes later.
As i was nursing her, I couldnt help but to think - OMG this is why i would not want anymore children. I was never one who was good on no sleep. Sleep deprivation is my kyptonite. As I was sitting in the rocker, half asleep, I was thinking "I really hate this. I hate the changes babies make. She was such a great night sleeper...and I think I'm ruining it by nursing her right now. I can't imagine going through this again". I really felt like she was a newborn again. I remember I would nurse her at night...and she would fall asleep at the boob. And this is what would go through my brain over and over again - "should i move her to the crib? What if i wake her? I think I'll just let her sleep here and ill just sleep sitting up in the rocker. No but then, this is bad, she needs to sleep on her own without me. But she also needs her sleep and if shes sleeping now, let her sleep. But wait, my back will be killing me when i wake up. God, im too old for this, and shes too old to be sleeping on me at night. But if I wake her, she might start crying and I know jae needs to go to work soon...should i just let her sleep?"... so eventually I would have to make a decision. I was back to that time last night. Eventually, I did move her.... I dont think I could sleep on the rocking chair again - I had done that many times when she was a baby and it wasnt fun. I thought to myself "i wish i had kids when i was younger... I think im getting too old for this".
I'm sure one day I will look back and not even remember last night but these are thoughts that go through my head when I'm having a rough day. I have a hard time with one.... how will i go through all this again? But of course, I go to get her this morning and she is soooo cute in her pink snowman pjs looking all soft and cuddly and squealing when she sees me that I just cant help but to dismiss what happened last night.
So, we will push on and take it day by day. Eventually I am pretty sure I will have to sleep train her all over again. But for now, I just want to make sure shes alright. We are semi-patiently waiting for these teeth to cut. And when it does, perhaps the photo of her smiling with little bunny teeth will make up for it. Speaking of teeth, I realized I forgot to brush my teeth yesterday. Gross.
So Happy New Year folks! Hoping 2011 is a great year for all. Including my little Maddie Moo.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 30, 2010
My cousin recently asked me how I get anything done around the house with the baby and work. I started thinking about it... so i wanted to jot down what a normal day is like for me.
A day in the life of a mommy:
6:30-7am - wake up...feed her.
After this, I put her in the boppy in my room and let her watch TV =( shes watching sesame street soon to be replaced by My Baby Can Read lol... I start to open the computer and check work emails and see what i have to do for the day.
After about 20-30 minutes, I put her on the playmat and we play together. Occasionally, I will fold laundry or do laundry during this time.
about 40 minutes later, I take her into her room, change diaper, put down for a nap.
During her naps, I go downstairs and make something to eat and make coffee. While its cooking/microwaving I wipe down all the counters and put away some dishes. I put together my pump parts and the babys food gear. I go back upstairs, eat, pump and work/email.
When she wakes up, i feed her and this is when i catch up on my DVR. LOL. it gives me about half an hour to watch a show or two.
I put her back in the boppy to see if she will poop. I check email/work. After about 15 minutes, I change her diaper and change her into her clothes for the day. We go downstairs and I put her in the saucer or jumparoo and make her lunch. (BTW, whoever said to not buy these big ticket items was an idiot!).
I feed her and then let her play in the highchair while I do the dishes. When she starts to whine, I put her in the jumparoo and let her play while I either finish cleaning up, or this is also the time when i would steam/puree some food for her.
I go back to her and play with her before we go upstairs and play some more on the playmat. When its nap time, I put her down.
I make lunch for myself, finish cleaning up downstairs if needed, eat, pump, work, email.
When she wakes up, I feed her and again catch up on DVR.
We can run errands at this time, or we just play some more. Right about the time that she will go down for a nap, Jae will come home. This gives me some more time to work.
I put her down for a nap and keep working. This is a short nap so Jae, if hes home, usually goes to get her when she wakes and gives her a bottle, giving me time to work/email or time for myself. Sometimes I will clean the house, vacuum, or make some more baby food, or sometimes run errands on my own.
About 5:00, i feed her more solids. When shes done we occupy her till bathtime. I take this opportunity to cook dinner (if im cooking) or make some baby food, or do a good clean of some part of the house.
6:30 bathtime.
6:45-7:00 i nurse her to sleep. Jae goes out to get dinner while im doing this if i didnt cook. While hes still out, I usually take this opportunity to shower. If not, I sometimes shower during her 9am nap.
We eat, and watch a few shows together. Then i go upstairs and either finish working or surf the computer. Lights out is pretty early in our household.
Next morning, repeat.
What I have concluded is, Maddie spends a lot of time alone =(
On a typical day, i am juggling many things as shes awake... for example, just yesterday, I was texting jae, chatting on gmail, answering an email and also trying to buy maddie new pjs, and trying to watch DVR at the same time. But I am sort of teeter tottering on all of them. My text to jae is about an hour late, my chats (to porky brewster..hello!) are often delayed, I had been needing to buy new PJS for weeks now (she is wearing 6 months and needs bigger!), I am constantly rewinding the show to watch parts over and over again since I wasnt paying attention, all while the baby is up and im trying to play with her.
Its something im just used to, i guess. i am used to multitasking anyway. Having the ipad now helps a lot. I can be accessible so much easier now that i can bring it up and down the stairs. I can still do all my communicating with friends and work right while i sit next to maddie, whether im upstairs or down. I can even do all this while holding her, bc i can prop the ipad anyway, like on the bed or whatever, whereas i cant do that with my laptop.
what also helps is having jae come home before 5 most days...and also in general just being an anal butt who is used to doing a million things at one time. And also having been at this job for 5-6 years and so the work is relatively easy and i can do things really fast. And also, a slow economy so im not SUPER SUPER busy.
on my slower work days, i use the time that she naps to clean, pay bills, work on any outstanding projects at home (christmas cards for example), clean her toys, put away clothes she doesnt fit anymore, shop online etc etc.
There is always something to do!
A day in the life of a mommy:
6:30-7am - wake up...feed her.
After this, I put her in the boppy in my room and let her watch TV =( shes watching sesame street soon to be replaced by My Baby Can Read lol... I start to open the computer and check work emails and see what i have to do for the day.
After about 20-30 minutes, I put her on the playmat and we play together. Occasionally, I will fold laundry or do laundry during this time.
about 40 minutes later, I take her into her room, change diaper, put down for a nap.
During her naps, I go downstairs and make something to eat and make coffee. While its cooking/microwaving I wipe down all the counters and put away some dishes. I put together my pump parts and the babys food gear. I go back upstairs, eat, pump and work/email.
When she wakes up, i feed her and this is when i catch up on my DVR. LOL. it gives me about half an hour to watch a show or two.
I put her back in the boppy to see if she will poop. I check email/work. After about 15 minutes, I change her diaper and change her into her clothes for the day. We go downstairs and I put her in the saucer or jumparoo and make her lunch. (BTW, whoever said to not buy these big ticket items was an idiot!).
I feed her and then let her play in the highchair while I do the dishes. When she starts to whine, I put her in the jumparoo and let her play while I either finish cleaning up, or this is also the time when i would steam/puree some food for her.
I go back to her and play with her before we go upstairs and play some more on the playmat. When its nap time, I put her down.
I make lunch for myself, finish cleaning up downstairs if needed, eat, pump, work, email.
When she wakes up, I feed her and again catch up on DVR.
We can run errands at this time, or we just play some more. Right about the time that she will go down for a nap, Jae will come home. This gives me some more time to work.
I put her down for a nap and keep working. This is a short nap so Jae, if hes home, usually goes to get her when she wakes and gives her a bottle, giving me time to work/email or time for myself. Sometimes I will clean the house, vacuum, or make some more baby food, or sometimes run errands on my own.
About 5:00, i feed her more solids. When shes done we occupy her till bathtime. I take this opportunity to cook dinner (if im cooking) or make some baby food, or do a good clean of some part of the house.
6:30 bathtime.
6:45-7:00 i nurse her to sleep. Jae goes out to get dinner while im doing this if i didnt cook. While hes still out, I usually take this opportunity to shower. If not, I sometimes shower during her 9am nap.
We eat, and watch a few shows together. Then i go upstairs and either finish working or surf the computer. Lights out is pretty early in our household.
Next morning, repeat.
What I have concluded is, Maddie spends a lot of time alone =(
On a typical day, i am juggling many things as shes awake... for example, just yesterday, I was texting jae, chatting on gmail, answering an email and also trying to buy maddie new pjs, and trying to watch DVR at the same time. But I am sort of teeter tottering on all of them. My text to jae is about an hour late, my chats (to porky brewster..hello!) are often delayed, I had been needing to buy new PJS for weeks now (she is wearing 6 months and needs bigger!), I am constantly rewinding the show to watch parts over and over again since I wasnt paying attention, all while the baby is up and im trying to play with her.
Its something im just used to, i guess. i am used to multitasking anyway. Having the ipad now helps a lot. I can be accessible so much easier now that i can bring it up and down the stairs. I can still do all my communicating with friends and work right while i sit next to maddie, whether im upstairs or down. I can even do all this while holding her, bc i can prop the ipad anyway, like on the bed or whatever, whereas i cant do that with my laptop.
what also helps is having jae come home before 5 most days...and also in general just being an anal butt who is used to doing a million things at one time. And also having been at this job for 5-6 years and so the work is relatively easy and i can do things really fast. And also, a slow economy so im not SUPER SUPER busy.
on my slower work days, i use the time that she naps to clean, pay bills, work on any outstanding projects at home (christmas cards for example), clean her toys, put away clothes she doesnt fit anymore, shop online etc etc.
There is always something to do!
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Almost 26 weeks (just shy of 6 months)...
Today is day 6 after her fall and her eye is not swollen anymore and has returned to regular size. her eye is all sorts of colors of the rainbow though. but it'll go away. =)
for some reason maddie has stopped rolling over. =(
her teeth are really pushing through now. she is chomping on her fingers like mad. the drool comes out like a water faucet. she has been waking up multiple times after going down for bed. we gave her some orajel 2 nights and she went right to sleep after that, but i watched her very closely. she woke up once last night and i rocked her back without any medication and she went back to bed for the night, so we'll see what happens tonight. just waiting for this tooth to cut!
we tried peas for the first time last night. i think she liked them! i got this great book from MAB for christmas which i like (M - i think its actually better than the book your sister recommended which i also like). I have a whole list of things I cant wait to try with Maddie. I was surprised to learn she can have meats very soon. She seems to be growing up so fast! some things i do want her to try - mashed potatoes, pureed chicken vegetable soup, and yogurt.
Someone suggested it was time for her to start to learn how to eat with her hands. They said puffs were ok... so i gave maddie some but she didnt really know what to do with them when they were in her mouth. i might try to give her some ripe avacado today, just cut up in small pieces that she can grab. I gave her a barley teething biscuit yesterday which she loved. and of course her favorite mum mums which i am still not sure about since they are made in china.
my goal at the end of january is to teach her how to drink out of a sippy. she mostly plays with it. i give her some water out of a regular cup which she can drink out of but she loses interest once she finds out theres only water in the cup. i refuse to give her anything else but water and/or diluted prune juice though so she'll just have to suck it up. can one learn to like water?
oh i forgot to jot down that we moved her to size 3 diapers a week or two ago.
she loves her jumparoo. when she finally learned how to jump in it (earlier this month), it was so cute!
Today is day 6 after her fall and her eye is not swollen anymore and has returned to regular size. her eye is all sorts of colors of the rainbow though. but it'll go away. =)
for some reason maddie has stopped rolling over. =(
her teeth are really pushing through now. she is chomping on her fingers like mad. the drool comes out like a water faucet. she has been waking up multiple times after going down for bed. we gave her some orajel 2 nights and she went right to sleep after that, but i watched her very closely. she woke up once last night and i rocked her back without any medication and she went back to bed for the night, so we'll see what happens tonight. just waiting for this tooth to cut!
we tried peas for the first time last night. i think she liked them! i got this great book from MAB for christmas which i like (M - i think its actually better than the book your sister recommended which i also like). I have a whole list of things I cant wait to try with Maddie. I was surprised to learn she can have meats very soon. She seems to be growing up so fast! some things i do want her to try - mashed potatoes, pureed chicken vegetable soup, and yogurt.
Someone suggested it was time for her to start to learn how to eat with her hands. They said puffs were ok... so i gave maddie some but she didnt really know what to do with them when they were in her mouth. i might try to give her some ripe avacado today, just cut up in small pieces that she can grab. I gave her a barley teething biscuit yesterday which she loved. and of course her favorite mum mums which i am still not sure about since they are made in china.
my goal at the end of january is to teach her how to drink out of a sippy. she mostly plays with it. i give her some water out of a regular cup which she can drink out of but she loses interest once she finds out theres only water in the cup. i refuse to give her anything else but water and/or diluted prune juice though so she'll just have to suck it up. can one learn to like water?
oh i forgot to jot down that we moved her to size 3 diapers a week or two ago.
she loves her jumparoo. when she finally learned how to jump in it (earlier this month), it was so cute!
Monday, December 27, 2010
So in my last post, I blogged about how I wanted my baby to be safe. Well, ironic how she wasnt this past weekend =( Le sigh. let me start.
Friday - its christmas eve! My favorite time of the year. Maddie just had pears and oatmeal for breakfast and we played christmas music as she ate. On a normal day, I change her clothes upstairs before I bring her down for her lunch. But on this day, since we were going to my inlaws, I didnt want to dirty her clothes for that night, so I fed maddie in her PJs and then I took her upstairs to change her and came back down. She was wearing her new "Cutie Pie" t-shirt. Why oh why did i change my normal routine?
On the way back down, I have no idea how I slipped, but as I approached the bottom floor (thank God I was so close to the end), my foot slipped out from under me, my back fell straight back onto the steps and so did Maddie's face. I wont get into the gross details bc I have repeated this story many times this past weekend. The bottom line is, I was frantic, ran upstairs to call Jae. He didnt even know what I was sayig, I Was talking so fast and hysterically that he ran out of the store. Before I got off the phone with him, he was already in his truck coming home. I took a look at maddies face and saw her eye swelling, called the Ped, who directed me to emergency room.
Long story short, ER was great, and Maddie was fine. All i could think about were the "what ifs". What if I had hit my head, passed out and she was awake alone? What if she had hit her eye and had permanent eye damage? What if I tumbled down the entire flight? What if I dropped her as I fell? I know I can't concentrate on the what ifs, but I couldnt help but to think about these things. In fact, that night i woke up at 5 am tossing and turning and thinking about these things. Every time I think about her head hitting the step, I close my eyes and cringe.
So anyway, I didnt end up going to my inlaws that night. They understood. They were concerned for Maddie. I sent a few pics of my poor babys face to family and friends. Everyone said "it doesnt look as bad as I thought it would". Of course my sister in law says "OMG Jess, its looks soooo bad! Keep putting ice on". Geez...even if it was true, no need to say it. Tacky!!! Sometimes honesty is not the best policy! you cannot hide behind "oh im just honest" all the time. Sometimes you have to have a little sympathy and empathy. She could have just said "Oh gosh...just keep icing it, hopefully the swelling will go down". to be fair, we did speak on the phone and she kept saying it was not my fault, these things happen, she was glad we were both okay etc etc... shes not trying to be mean, she just doesnt have common sense sometimes. moving on...
that day my grandma, brother and MAB came over to keep me company and I was sort of glad they did. I Sent jae back to work during his busiest day of the year.... even though he didnt want to leave. But it also made me feel uneasy being home alone with her on 24 hour watch. I was to watch her for any signs of her acting abnormal. I aint gonna lie when i say that everytime she cried, whined, or fussed, i didnt know if it was just her being a normal baby, or any trauma caused by the fall. That night, Jae came home relatively early. We gave Maddie and bath and all was well. She slept her usual 11 hours and life went back to normal.
Christmas Day - Merry Christmas!!! Maddie woke up and I was just so glad to see her alive and well and smiling, I was in such a good mood. I made bacon and eggs for breakfast, Maddie had apples and oatmeal. Jae and I exchanged gifts and I took pics of Maddie on her first christmas day.
Around 12:30, we headed to jersey to go to my cousins house. This 3-5 million dollar house that i love so much. Its beautiful. Maddie slept about 30 minutes in the car and i had to feed her mum mums the rest of the way so she wouldnt cry. hehe.
We had a great time with our family. Maddie was a good girl and being passed around like crazy. Everyone commented on her eye but everyone was very supportive and everyone said i didnt look bad.
We left around 8ish and maddie slept the whole way home. As we approached our street, there were MAD fire trucks all parked outside our house. I swear they were there for our house, but thank god they werent. Scared the shit out of me. I took maddie out of the car and put her right to bed. she knocked right out. And thus, her xmas was over.
The day after christmas - I'm a nutjob. I went to Target at 7:30 am to buy wrapping paper at the 50% off sale. LOL. I love the day after christmas sale at Target.
i then went to the market where it was packed!
came home, put maddie down for a nap and started preparing for my familys arrival.
this was a day i was looking forward to for some time. This is the day that really screams christmas for me. we cook, listen to christmas music, exchange gifts and just enjoy. i had a fun time and glad maddie could be a part of this yearly tradition. the gathering was cut short by the snow storm....
today its monday and we got about 20" out here. i really wanted to take maddie out in the snow but the windchill is horrendous. i dont know if its all the weekend commotion or not but she only slept 30 mins this morning (trhis is usually her long nap), an hour in the afternoon and 20 mins just now. wayyyy too little. last night she was up about 5 or 6 times from 7pm-11pm. she woke up a few times in the middle of the night as well. overstimulation? teething? growth spurt? who knows!
i leave you with a pic of my chunksters wrist, overflowing with fatty goodness.
Friday - its christmas eve! My favorite time of the year. Maddie just had pears and oatmeal for breakfast and we played christmas music as she ate. On a normal day, I change her clothes upstairs before I bring her down for her lunch. But on this day, since we were going to my inlaws, I didnt want to dirty her clothes for that night, so I fed maddie in her PJs and then I took her upstairs to change her and came back down. She was wearing her new "Cutie Pie" t-shirt. Why oh why did i change my normal routine?
On the way back down, I have no idea how I slipped, but as I approached the bottom floor (thank God I was so close to the end), my foot slipped out from under me, my back fell straight back onto the steps and so did Maddie's face. I wont get into the gross details bc I have repeated this story many times this past weekend. The bottom line is, I was frantic, ran upstairs to call Jae. He didnt even know what I was sayig, I Was talking so fast and hysterically that he ran out of the store. Before I got off the phone with him, he was already in his truck coming home. I took a look at maddies face and saw her eye swelling, called the Ped, who directed me to emergency room.
Long story short, ER was great, and Maddie was fine. All i could think about were the "what ifs". What if I had hit my head, passed out and she was awake alone? What if she had hit her eye and had permanent eye damage? What if I tumbled down the entire flight? What if I dropped her as I fell? I know I can't concentrate on the what ifs, but I couldnt help but to think about these things. In fact, that night i woke up at 5 am tossing and turning and thinking about these things. Every time I think about her head hitting the step, I close my eyes and cringe.
So anyway, I didnt end up going to my inlaws that night. They understood. They were concerned for Maddie. I sent a few pics of my poor babys face to family and friends. Everyone said "it doesnt look as bad as I thought it would". Of course my sister in law says "OMG Jess, its looks soooo bad! Keep putting ice on". Geez...even if it was true, no need to say it. Tacky!!! Sometimes honesty is not the best policy! you cannot hide behind "oh im just honest" all the time. Sometimes you have to have a little sympathy and empathy. She could have just said "Oh gosh...just keep icing it, hopefully the swelling will go down". to be fair, we did speak on the phone and she kept saying it was not my fault, these things happen, she was glad we were both okay etc etc... shes not trying to be mean, she just doesnt have common sense sometimes. moving on...
that day my grandma, brother and MAB came over to keep me company and I was sort of glad they did. I Sent jae back to work during his busiest day of the year.... even though he didnt want to leave. But it also made me feel uneasy being home alone with her on 24 hour watch. I was to watch her for any signs of her acting abnormal. I aint gonna lie when i say that everytime she cried, whined, or fussed, i didnt know if it was just her being a normal baby, or any trauma caused by the fall. That night, Jae came home relatively early. We gave Maddie and bath and all was well. She slept her usual 11 hours and life went back to normal.
Christmas Day - Merry Christmas!!! Maddie woke up and I was just so glad to see her alive and well and smiling, I was in such a good mood. I made bacon and eggs for breakfast, Maddie had apples and oatmeal. Jae and I exchanged gifts and I took pics of Maddie on her first christmas day.
Around 12:30, we headed to jersey to go to my cousins house. This 3-5 million dollar house that i love so much. Its beautiful. Maddie slept about 30 minutes in the car and i had to feed her mum mums the rest of the way so she wouldnt cry. hehe.
We had a great time with our family. Maddie was a good girl and being passed around like crazy. Everyone commented on her eye but everyone was very supportive and everyone said i didnt look bad.
We left around 8ish and maddie slept the whole way home. As we approached our street, there were MAD fire trucks all parked outside our house. I swear they were there for our house, but thank god they werent. Scared the shit out of me. I took maddie out of the car and put her right to bed. she knocked right out. And thus, her xmas was over.
The day after christmas - I'm a nutjob. I went to Target at 7:30 am to buy wrapping paper at the 50% off sale. LOL. I love the day after christmas sale at Target.
i then went to the market where it was packed!
came home, put maddie down for a nap and started preparing for my familys arrival.
this was a day i was looking forward to for some time. This is the day that really screams christmas for me. we cook, listen to christmas music, exchange gifts and just enjoy. i had a fun time and glad maddie could be a part of this yearly tradition. the gathering was cut short by the snow storm....
today its monday and we got about 20" out here. i really wanted to take maddie out in the snow but the windchill is horrendous. i dont know if its all the weekend commotion or not but she only slept 30 mins this morning (trhis is usually her long nap), an hour in the afternoon and 20 mins just now. wayyyy too little. last night she was up about 5 or 6 times from 7pm-11pm. she woke up a few times in the middle of the night as well. overstimulation? teething? growth spurt? who knows!
i leave you with a pic of my chunksters wrist, overflowing with fatty goodness.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
the holidays are here...and i just want to take a moment to be grateful for all that i have had this year. i lost a lot, but gained a lot as well. i know we should be grateful everyday, but sometimes its hard. so when i get the chance, i try to remember.
no matter how much of a pain a baby can be, i am so thankful for my little girl. i wish and pray for her to be happy and most importantly healthy. i dont care what happens to me, i just want her to be safe.
this holiday season, my goal is to enjoy the time spent with my family...make every day count. make it special. because you never know what can happen tomorrow.
my heart belongs to my daughter...and within it, my mother lives. i am thinking about both this holiday season.
no matter how much of a pain a baby can be, i am so thankful for my little girl. i wish and pray for her to be happy and most importantly healthy. i dont care what happens to me, i just want her to be safe.
this holiday season, my goal is to enjoy the time spent with my family...make every day count. make it special. because you never know what can happen tomorrow.
my heart belongs to my daughter...and within it, my mother lives. i am thinking about both this holiday season.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
I have no idea if i already talked about this...but I really believe Maddie is trying to go from 3 naps to 2. She is fighting nap #3 as it is, is fully awake at bedtime, and is waking up at 5:30AM (but i dont go get her till 7).
I cant drop the nap yet though until after the holidays bc i need her to nap in order to get to the bronx and to new jersey. lol.
Pros to her dropping a nap? Longer awake times. this will make it much easier to go out and stay out for longer. Cons? Less break time for me. I look forward to her naps bc thats when i get a break.
Anyhoo, I still can't believe Christmas is this week. Its a time I look forward to every year but this year it seems to have snuck up on me!
Friday I am headed to the Bronx to Jae's family. I have been with his family without him before, thats not a problem. But during a major holiday? Just weird. anyway, im planning to make this a short trip.... go when she naps. come home when its bedtime. Hopefully she will sleep both ways.
THe gifts seemed to be so big this year:
It took me so much wrapping to get the gifts all wrapped. I needed the larger paper so I didnt even get to use cute wrapping. Kristen's gift, I didnt even have enough wrapping for, so theres a big hole in the back. Oh wells.
Saturday we are headed to New Jersey to my cousins house. She lives in a gorgeous house with a huge finished basement/playroom so i am excited for Maddie to be able to play with all their toys (they have 4 boys). I am excited to see the cousins and babies again. Always a good time.
Sunday I am excited for bc I am celebrating with my immediate family. They are coming over. I have Christmas tunes ready to be played. My brother makes fantabulous hordourves and we open gifts. I am excited for Maddie to be a part of this tradition.
This week has been rough...Jae was gone since hes busy at the store. Just me and Maddie Moo by ourselves. I guess I'm getting used to being a single mom because the days have passed by and I am doing fine. Just a little tired. Its tough not having someone to hand the baby off to.... I dont get a full break until shes sound asleep.
excited the for weekend to end so life can resume back to normal.
I cant drop the nap yet though until after the holidays bc i need her to nap in order to get to the bronx and to new jersey. lol.
Pros to her dropping a nap? Longer awake times. this will make it much easier to go out and stay out for longer. Cons? Less break time for me. I look forward to her naps bc thats when i get a break.
Anyhoo, I still can't believe Christmas is this week. Its a time I look forward to every year but this year it seems to have snuck up on me!
Friday I am headed to the Bronx to Jae's family. I have been with his family without him before, thats not a problem. But during a major holiday? Just weird. anyway, im planning to make this a short trip.... go when she naps. come home when its bedtime. Hopefully she will sleep both ways.
THe gifts seemed to be so big this year:
It took me so much wrapping to get the gifts all wrapped. I needed the larger paper so I didnt even get to use cute wrapping. Kristen's gift, I didnt even have enough wrapping for, so theres a big hole in the back. Oh wells.
Saturday we are headed to New Jersey to my cousins house. She lives in a gorgeous house with a huge finished basement/playroom so i am excited for Maddie to be able to play with all their toys (they have 4 boys). I am excited to see the cousins and babies again. Always a good time.
Sunday I am excited for bc I am celebrating with my immediate family. They are coming over. I have Christmas tunes ready to be played. My brother makes fantabulous hordourves and we open gifts. I am excited for Maddie to be a part of this tradition.
This week has been rough...Jae was gone since hes busy at the store. Just me and Maddie Moo by ourselves. I guess I'm getting used to being a single mom because the days have passed by and I am doing fine. Just a little tired. Its tough not having someone to hand the baby off to.... I dont get a full break until shes sound asleep.
excited the for weekend to end so life can resume back to normal.
Monday, December 20, 2010
been trying to write this forever but wow, its been super busy lately.
since starting solids, maddies poops have been harder, as i mentioned below lol. well the other day, i had the grossest experience to date. Maddie was playing and suddenly she just started whimpering. I picked her up and smelled poop so i took her upstairs to change her. She was still whimpering as I undressed her and in her diaper was this tiny triangle of poop. really small. so i figured she just wasnt used to harder poop coming out. im wiping her butt (she is still whimpering which she never does) and i feel pressure on my hand, as if she lifted her butt a little. but it wasnt her butt. i suddenly saw a stream of poop coming out her a-hole. as a newborn, poop is very liquidy and if she were to poop with her diaper open, it would spray/explode. now since her poop is harder, it comes out like frozen yogurt from a self serve machine. it came out in a long log, continuously and circled around, like putting froyo on a cone! it was soooo gross. she kept whimpering...so i wiped her butt. suddenly, another log started coming out. i wanted to gag, but i had to keep looking at her and smiling and saying "its ok". eventually it stopped but boy was i grossed out. baby poop, no problem. human poop is sooooo much grosser!
ok and last night, i was feeding maddie. between sucks, i sort of felt this pressure. i was thinking "did she just bite me?"... then suddenly, she paused and i felt it again! It wasnt a quick bite. it was a slow, deliberate chomp. as if she was experimenting. i gasped and my mouth was agape. i looked down and i swear she was smiling (it was dark since it was nighttime). i took her off my boob and put her on my other boob but i couldnt believe she did that. and i definitely felt teeth! omg.... so scary. luckily she didnt do it again on boob #2.
Gave Maddie bananas these past few days and she does not like it! i hate bananas too but i did force myself to put them into my morning shakes during pregnancy so its not like shes never "tasted" them before. maybe i thinned it out too much and theres not enough taste? dunno, but ill try apples tomorrow instead.
just went to BRU with maddie and she freaked. sigh. i just dont understand why she cant sit still in the cry without crying. so upsetting.
on the upside, this past weekend, i purposely took her out when it was naptime and she slept! I took her during naptime into queens and took her home during naptime coming home. she slept both times. thankfully, i can use this technique whenever i have a further distance to go. errands though, continue to be a great great challenge.
since starting solids, maddies poops have been harder, as i mentioned below lol. well the other day, i had the grossest experience to date. Maddie was playing and suddenly she just started whimpering. I picked her up and smelled poop so i took her upstairs to change her. She was still whimpering as I undressed her and in her diaper was this tiny triangle of poop. really small. so i figured she just wasnt used to harder poop coming out. im wiping her butt (she is still whimpering which she never does) and i feel pressure on my hand, as if she lifted her butt a little. but it wasnt her butt. i suddenly saw a stream of poop coming out her a-hole. as a newborn, poop is very liquidy and if she were to poop with her diaper open, it would spray/explode. now since her poop is harder, it comes out like frozen yogurt from a self serve machine. it came out in a long log, continuously and circled around, like putting froyo on a cone! it was soooo gross. she kept whimpering...so i wiped her butt. suddenly, another log started coming out. i wanted to gag, but i had to keep looking at her and smiling and saying "its ok". eventually it stopped but boy was i grossed out. baby poop, no problem. human poop is sooooo much grosser!
ok and last night, i was feeding maddie. between sucks, i sort of felt this pressure. i was thinking "did she just bite me?"... then suddenly, she paused and i felt it again! It wasnt a quick bite. it was a slow, deliberate chomp. as if she was experimenting. i gasped and my mouth was agape. i looked down and i swear she was smiling (it was dark since it was nighttime). i took her off my boob and put her on my other boob but i couldnt believe she did that. and i definitely felt teeth! omg.... so scary. luckily she didnt do it again on boob #2.
Gave Maddie bananas these past few days and she does not like it! i hate bananas too but i did force myself to put them into my morning shakes during pregnancy so its not like shes never "tasted" them before. maybe i thinned it out too much and theres not enough taste? dunno, but ill try apples tomorrow instead.
just went to BRU with maddie and she freaked. sigh. i just dont understand why she cant sit still in the cry without crying. so upsetting.
on the upside, this past weekend, i purposely took her out when it was naptime and she slept! I took her during naptime into queens and took her home during naptime coming home. she slept both times. thankfully, i can use this technique whenever i have a further distance to go. errands though, continue to be a great great challenge.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Wow I'm so filled with posts these days!
WARNING - TMI PHOTO TO FOLLOW - SCROLL AT YOUR OWN RISK
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Maddies first solid poop! lol. Its in the shape of a triangle cause her ass cheeks molded it. So gross, right? So gross, I had to document.
We had a bad night in the car tonight on the way home from babies r us. BAD. one of her "i cant breathe, im choking on my spit" sort of tantrums. Well, she had to be consoled for like 15 minutes when we got home, it took her that long to catch her breath.
So she finally calmed down and I wanted her to have something to eat before bath so I handed her to Jae. She started to cry and then when I walked in front of her, she reached her arms out to me! I sort of suspected shes been doing this as sometimes she would lean towards me, but this time, it was obvious. So cool!
So even though she was in a bad mood, I fed her some squash for the first time. She Looooooooved it. she gobbled gobbled it up. yummy!
BTW, I love my Beaba! I steamed and pureed the butternut squash really quickly. Me lub it.
And of course, bc Im gross like that, I will put a food pic in the same post as my poop pic. For my friends holiday gathering, we had turkey. I saved the carcass and made some mean turkey noodle soup. Damn that soup was good.
I also had some leftover meat, so I made a turkey shephards pie. So easyyyyy, just dice up celery onion and carrots and add the turkey meat, plus some chicken stock and herbs. let it reduce down a bit.
then i whipped up some mashed potatoes and put in on top.
then you bake till bubbly. It was good....and one of those easy meal in 20 minutes (minus baking time).
WARNING - TMI PHOTO TO FOLLOW - SCROLL AT YOUR OWN RISK
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Maddies first solid poop! lol. Its in the shape of a triangle cause her ass cheeks molded it. So gross, right? So gross, I had to document.
We had a bad night in the car tonight on the way home from babies r us. BAD. one of her "i cant breathe, im choking on my spit" sort of tantrums. Well, she had to be consoled for like 15 minutes when we got home, it took her that long to catch her breath.
So she finally calmed down and I wanted her to have something to eat before bath so I handed her to Jae. She started to cry and then when I walked in front of her, she reached her arms out to me! I sort of suspected shes been doing this as sometimes she would lean towards me, but this time, it was obvious. So cool!
So even though she was in a bad mood, I fed her some squash for the first time. She Looooooooved it. she gobbled gobbled it up. yummy!
BTW, I love my Beaba! I steamed and pureed the butternut squash really quickly. Me lub it.
And of course, bc Im gross like that, I will put a food pic in the same post as my poop pic. For my friends holiday gathering, we had turkey. I saved the carcass and made some mean turkey noodle soup. Damn that soup was good.
I also had some leftover meat, so I made a turkey shephards pie. So easyyyyy, just dice up celery onion and carrots and add the turkey meat, plus some chicken stock and herbs. let it reduce down a bit.
then i whipped up some mashed potatoes and put in on top.
then you bake till bubbly. It was good....and one of those easy meal in 20 minutes (minus baking time).
Ready for the holidays yet?
For the past 2-3 weeks, my front stoop has looked like this.
My entryway has looked like this:
My doorbell rings everyday.
I love Amazon Prime!
I did all my xmas shopping online....but i still want to make a trip to the mall one day next week. After that, I'll be done!
With all the impending sales, I bought Maddie a lot of things too. A lot of clothes - shes wearing 12 months already! and some toys. Amazon had this awesome $5 and under toy sale, so i got a bunch of things. My favorite purchase was the ring stacker. I had one of these as a kid. I love these...i think its great for development.
I've also been buying her a lot of feeding items. sippys, cups, bowls, and stuff to help me freeze her baby food. So many choices out there and half the time parenting is about trial and error, so I am constantly buying new things (if the baby or I dont like the first choices).
For the past 2-3 weeks, my front stoop has looked like this.
My entryway has looked like this:
My doorbell rings everyday.
I love Amazon Prime!
I did all my xmas shopping online....but i still want to make a trip to the mall one day next week. After that, I'll be done!
With all the impending sales, I bought Maddie a lot of things too. A lot of clothes - shes wearing 12 months already! and some toys. Amazon had this awesome $5 and under toy sale, so i got a bunch of things. My favorite purchase was the ring stacker. I had one of these as a kid. I love these...i think its great for development.
I've also been buying her a lot of feeding items. sippys, cups, bowls, and stuff to help me freeze her baby food. So many choices out there and half the time parenting is about trial and error, so I am constantly buying new things (if the baby or I dont like the first choices).
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Maddie's 5 month well visit yesterday:
Weight: 16 lbs 10 oz(80%)
height: 26.5"(90%)
head: 16" (50%)
The doctor took a look inside Maddies mouth and said "oh wow, look at that. theres something trying to pop through. looks like she'll have a tooth by christmas". I was shocked. Maddie hasn't really shown any signs of teething. well, she drools and gnaws on her fingers and teethers but she hasnt been out of the ordinary fussy. every so often she does wake up in the middle of the night but these are really rare and she goes right back to sleep. so I was just telling my cousin today how i didnt believe it and that i could never see or feel anything in her mouth.
So, that brings me to today. Maddie was on a whole other level of fussy. It was a different fussy....she would be completely still and then all of a sudden cry out. Or she would have a distinct kind of whine. poor thing. I felt her gums again and this time, i did notice 2 distinct bumps. I gave her some orajel and she passed out in my arms within 10 minutes.... she ended up sleeping on my for 2 hours.
When shes awake, shes extremely clingy, cant be put down, whiny, crabby and nothing amuses her. Poor thing. hope the tooth cuts through soon so she can go back to being her normal happy self.
Of course this all happens on a bad day...a day where i needed to get things done for work and for home. I couldnt put her down, which means i didnt eat, didnt pee, didnt work, didnt make her food...etc etc and etc. I finally got her down her a nap on her own at 4....
tonight is my company holiday dinner. oooh, all 3 of us. wack! but i was sort of excited to get out of the house and have some wine and steak. But now Maddie is acting up so im scared she will wake up when i leave and jae wont be able to deal. but i guess thats his problem now. my poor baby....she seemed so uncomfortable all day.
Yesterday was another crazy day. Another busy day at work, but had to stop to go to maddies appointment. we leave the office, only to be called back again. we were supose to stay for her shots. oops! lol. so we run back inside, unbundle maddie, she gets shots and then we bundle her up again to go home. poor thing.
we get home and i leave her with jae so i can go grocery shopping. come home, prepare dinner, then get maddies dinner ready, let jae feed her while i cook. bathe her, put her to bed, work till 9ish or so while eating....finally hit the sack around 11. so tired!
Weight: 16 lbs 10 oz(80%)
height: 26.5"(90%)
head: 16" (50%)
The doctor took a look inside Maddies mouth and said "oh wow, look at that. theres something trying to pop through. looks like she'll have a tooth by christmas". I was shocked. Maddie hasn't really shown any signs of teething. well, she drools and gnaws on her fingers and teethers but she hasnt been out of the ordinary fussy. every so often she does wake up in the middle of the night but these are really rare and she goes right back to sleep. so I was just telling my cousin today how i didnt believe it and that i could never see or feel anything in her mouth.
So, that brings me to today. Maddie was on a whole other level of fussy. It was a different fussy....she would be completely still and then all of a sudden cry out. Or she would have a distinct kind of whine. poor thing. I felt her gums again and this time, i did notice 2 distinct bumps. I gave her some orajel and she passed out in my arms within 10 minutes.... she ended up sleeping on my for 2 hours.
When shes awake, shes extremely clingy, cant be put down, whiny, crabby and nothing amuses her. Poor thing. hope the tooth cuts through soon so she can go back to being her normal happy self.
Of course this all happens on a bad day...a day where i needed to get things done for work and for home. I couldnt put her down, which means i didnt eat, didnt pee, didnt work, didnt make her food...etc etc and etc. I finally got her down her a nap on her own at 4....
tonight is my company holiday dinner. oooh, all 3 of us. wack! but i was sort of excited to get out of the house and have some wine and steak. But now Maddie is acting up so im scared she will wake up when i leave and jae wont be able to deal. but i guess thats his problem now. my poor baby....she seemed so uncomfortable all day.
Yesterday was another crazy day. Another busy day at work, but had to stop to go to maddies appointment. we leave the office, only to be called back again. we were supose to stay for her shots. oops! lol. so we run back inside, unbundle maddie, she gets shots and then we bundle her up again to go home. poor thing.
we get home and i leave her with jae so i can go grocery shopping. come home, prepare dinner, then get maddies dinner ready, let jae feed her while i cook. bathe her, put her to bed, work till 9ish or so while eating....finally hit the sack around 11. so tired!
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
poop poop poop.
im not afraid of changing a poopy diaper. i clean a butt like no other. however, i am skeeved by poop on clothes. i have no idea why, it just really grosses me out. i always want to just throw out the damn onesie but jae insists on cleaning it. so ever since maddie was a baby, it has always been his job to clean the poopy clothes.
whenever maddie has a big blow out, i leave the contaminated good in front of the guest bathroom. when jae gets home he gets his surprise. he cleans it well with laundry detergent, leaves it wet in the laundry room and i pop it in during the next load.
its a great partnership cuz i really do not like cleaning poopy clothes. the poop gets all up into the fibers and the big brown stain under water just makes me gag.
this particular poop in the picture happened in her jumparoo. it doesnt look so bad now that i see it, but trust me, it was on everything she touched. i sort of knew based on her position in the jumparoo that the poop would travel up her butt. I heard her poop but i checked her shirt and saw nothing. by the time i brought her upstairs and laid her down on the changing pad, she was covered. her undershirt, her top shirt, her pants...it was up to her neck. then try taking these clothes off over her head. they get on her arms, chest, collarbone. and also my arms and hands. not to mention she has already gotten the changing pad dirty, so even if you clean her up, theres nothing to lay her back down on. so with one hand holding her, and the other hand getting another pad, you have to juggle the dirty vs the clean.
i have to wipe her down with a million wipes, and make sure during this time her flailing hands do not touch poop cuz her hands are always in her mouth. i can wipe poop off her back, ears, hands etc. but i just cannot bring myself to scrub poop out from her clothes.
Speaking of poop, today her poop looked and smelled like avacado.
such is the life of a mommy.
onto happier topics...
maddie sort of did something cool today. usually when i put her down for a nap, our routine ends with me holding her over my shoulder, patting her back and gently swaying while shushing or singing to her. usually she will look around until she gets drowsy and calm and starts staring off into space.
when she gets tired, she starts to bury her head into your neck or shirt. so today she started to put her head on my shoulder but my chin got in the way. so her mouth was sort of stuck on my chin. its so cute seeing her little face so close to mine so i started to move my mouth up and down on her face. she started to giggle and squeal, so i did it again. she laughed and then kept putting her mouth on my chin for me to do over again.
it was the first instance where she actually played with me. usually i will entertain her, she will laugh and such but this was the first time she interacted back. we played back and forth rather than me just entertaining her. pretty cool.
she is also starting to eat more. today, after her avacado lunch, she seemed to want more so i gave her some cereal on top of it. In the evening time, I was eating some homemade turkey noodle soup and she was watching me like crazy. She was drooling and moving her mouth too, so i decided to give her a tablespoon of cereal. well after there was no more, she started to cry! wow! tomorrow i will up the amount of solids ive been giving her.
speaking of her crying, she didnt just cry, she SCREECHED. in like one of those mad bitchy screeches, like "bitch, you better get me more food!" kind of sounds. jae and i looked at each other like WHOAH. she's mean, man! i was shocked. The same thing sort of happened today too when i was sitting her in my lap and i was doing something on the laptop. She was playing with a post-it...happy as can be. Well I finished what i was doing and I picked her up and moved away and she started to do a bitchy cry. Like I had moved her away from something she was doing. So shes starting to have opinions and notice where she is. In the past if she was doing something, I could move her or distract her and she wouldnt care. I could take something out of her hand and she couldn't care less. Her personality is definitely coming through.
Also today, I put her down for her 3rd nap at 3:30 and it took her till 4:10 to fall asleep. During this time she was fussing (she usually goes down right away), i started to think maybe she was sleep transitioning again...so i looked up when babies start to move from 3 naps to 2 and i discovered its at 6 months. Thats next month! What the.... this came WAY faster than i ever expected. 2 naps a day? Thats MAD hours for me to keep her occupied. I'm scared. and its wintertime too so its not like i can even take her outdoors.
So many changes going on lately..... I can't keep up with this kid.
Monday, December 13, 2010
so yesterday maddie was on her tummy and jae noticed that her butt popped up and she was sort of pushing off. so i told him to get the camera and start filming. before we knew it, maddie rolled over! about 2 months ago she rolled over as well but it must have been a fluke cuz she hadn't done it since.
we put her on her tummy again and she did it again! so twice in a row. cant be a fluke right? well, she hasnt done it again yet...so i dunno. but we did capture her first roll over on film. jaes reactions always crack me up...
we put her on her tummy again and she did it again! so twice in a row. cant be a fluke right? well, she hasnt done it again yet...so i dunno. but we did capture her first roll over on film. jaes reactions always crack me up...
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
so I gave Maddie her "lunch" yesterday and she did not use any fingers or thumb to suck! woo hoo! on her first bite, she actually chomped down on the spoon. she finally gets it! it could also be that i made the cereal slightly thicker than normal, but it could also be that shes learned how to do it. I heard it does take a week or so for younger babies.
She ate a tablespoon of barley/oatmeal mix mixed with a tablespoon of breastmilk. finished the whole thing although I could tell she was getting bored right at the tail end. it was SO much less messier since there was hardly any coming out and it wasn't all over her clothes hands and face. What a proud moment...im so glad i didnt give up (i thought maybe she wasnt ready and was going to take a break for a week or so).
So last night i ran out to buy a sweet potato and an avocado. I gave her sweet potato for "lunch" today. During her first nap, I baked it for an hour, scooped out the flesh and pureed it a bit to get it smoother.
I then put tablespoons full into an ice cube tray to freeze, while leaving a tablespoon full out to feed her right then. I added breastmilk to thin it out. I was surprised at how much liquid I needed to thin this out.
I'm still not sure if she liked it. She certainly noticed it was different than her normal cereal. At first, I left it a bit thicker, cuz I didnt know how much to thin it out. I kept added and mixing more breastmilk in, until it became soupy again. By this point she was done...and had only eaten half. So not sure if she didnt like the taste, or texture, or what. Will try again for "dinner".
Forgot to mention also that we gave her mum mums for the first time this week. They are basically long rice crackers which dissolve in your mouth. They taste pretty good, and of course Maddie loved them. She sucked the crap out of them. I started doing some reading online and realized babies were starting to eat this when they were at least 6 months, more like 8 or 9 months. ooops! But yesterday jae came home and we all sat at the kitchen table to eat and i gave maddie another one and she really loved this. She would cry when i took it away or when she couldnt get it in her mouth. My friend Nina was right when she said this was like crack for babies. I think I'll probably continue to give this to her....
As far as her sleeping, she has been doing pretty good. I wanted to get her on a schedule by the clock. I used to get her down for naps based on her sleepy cues, but now I want to get her down at specific nap times instead. This way, I can plan my day better and we have a bit more of a schedule. Her first nap is always at 9am. The second nap is 12 or 12:30 and we are still working out her 3rd nap.
Yesteday was pretty perfect in terms of napping. She went down at 9, woke up but then went back to sleep till 10:30. 2nd nap she went down at 12:30, woke up but then went back to sleep again (hooray! didnt need to rock her) and woke up at 2. Went down for another nap at 4:10 and bed time at 7:20.
Today she is pretty much on the same schedule. It's 2:15 and shes still sleeping...amazing. I think she will probably give up her 3rd nap sooner than later. We always have a bit of struggle with that one. And right now, shes still asleep so I dont actually know if she'll go down for a 3rd nap (too close to bedtime).
REally dreading xmas time when her schedule is gonna get screwed 2 days in a row.
She ate a tablespoon of barley/oatmeal mix mixed with a tablespoon of breastmilk. finished the whole thing although I could tell she was getting bored right at the tail end. it was SO much less messier since there was hardly any coming out and it wasn't all over her clothes hands and face. What a proud moment...im so glad i didnt give up (i thought maybe she wasnt ready and was going to take a break for a week or so).
So last night i ran out to buy a sweet potato and an avocado. I gave her sweet potato for "lunch" today. During her first nap, I baked it for an hour, scooped out the flesh and pureed it a bit to get it smoother.
I then put tablespoons full into an ice cube tray to freeze, while leaving a tablespoon full out to feed her right then. I added breastmilk to thin it out. I was surprised at how much liquid I needed to thin this out.
I'm still not sure if she liked it. She certainly noticed it was different than her normal cereal. At first, I left it a bit thicker, cuz I didnt know how much to thin it out. I kept added and mixing more breastmilk in, until it became soupy again. By this point she was done...and had only eaten half. So not sure if she didnt like the taste, or texture, or what. Will try again for "dinner".
Forgot to mention also that we gave her mum mums for the first time this week. They are basically long rice crackers which dissolve in your mouth. They taste pretty good, and of course Maddie loved them. She sucked the crap out of them. I started doing some reading online and realized babies were starting to eat this when they were at least 6 months, more like 8 or 9 months. ooops! But yesterday jae came home and we all sat at the kitchen table to eat and i gave maddie another one and she really loved this. She would cry when i took it away or when she couldnt get it in her mouth. My friend Nina was right when she said this was like crack for babies. I think I'll probably continue to give this to her....
As far as her sleeping, she has been doing pretty good. I wanted to get her on a schedule by the clock. I used to get her down for naps based on her sleepy cues, but now I want to get her down at specific nap times instead. This way, I can plan my day better and we have a bit more of a schedule. Her first nap is always at 9am. The second nap is 12 or 12:30 and we are still working out her 3rd nap.
Yesteday was pretty perfect in terms of napping. She went down at 9, woke up but then went back to sleep till 10:30. 2nd nap she went down at 12:30, woke up but then went back to sleep again (hooray! didnt need to rock her) and woke up at 2. Went down for another nap at 4:10 and bed time at 7:20.
Today she is pretty much on the same schedule. It's 2:15 and shes still sleeping...amazing. I think she will probably give up her 3rd nap sooner than later. We always have a bit of struggle with that one. And right now, shes still asleep so I dont actually know if she'll go down for a 3rd nap (too close to bedtime).
REally dreading xmas time when her schedule is gonna get screwed 2 days in a row.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Time to Vent ... again!
Ok so i know around the holidays a lot of families have to deal with the "fight" between who gets to see who on what day etc. I know I have had my share of this. I have had to sacrifice certain times, days etc with my family to spend time with his.
However, for Christmas, it actually works out bc I spend Xmas day with my family and his family does not meet on xmas day so it actually works out. I do usually have to give up my families tradition of xmas eve hordourves and gift opening, but thats my sacrifice.
This year, I have a baby and I really wanted Jae to be there for her on her first christmas. As we all know, he runs a business that is very holiday-centric. the holidays are NUTS and you cannot imagine unless you have been to his store on a holiday. Anyway, the day before any holiday is always the worst. He usually doesnt even come home and just sleeps at the store. The day of the holiday, he is always beat since he broke night but he always manages to be awake and enjoy anyway.
Last year for xmas eve, he was busy and i was preggers and i had to drive to the bronx myself. he ended up meeting up at the house much later on. he stayed for a short while and then it was time to leave. he was lucky last year to even have gotten out when he did but he rushed to get to the bronx in time for presents.
So this year, since xmas fell on a saturday, i was thinking of maybe meeting up with his family on sunday. this way, jae could actually enjoy the day without having to worry about work, or be tired. So I wrote my SILs an email. here is what i wrote:
hey sisters:
was wondering if you guys had anything planned for this xmas.... i was wondering if maybe we could celebrate on sunday? jae is busy friday and saturday and id like him to be able to enjoy the holidays for once with his family without having to think about work...and its also the babys first christmas so id like the whole Oh/Cho/Moon family to be together at the same time for once (without him coming in late, tired, cranky etc)....
i dont mind hosting...i will make some food and we can also cater in some. we can do lunch into dinner or whatever you guys want. or if you want to go to the bronx again, i dont mind but the only thing i ask is can we make it an early night? id still like to preserve the babys sleep as much as possible cuz my job is 10x harder when she doesnt get her sleep. sorry, im a bit anal about her sleep. hehe. if i host, you guys can comes as early or stay as late as you'd like... i dont know how you guys feel about this, or how your parents feel, but this is only a suggestion.... let me know what you guys think...
Here is the response I get back. My notes are in bold
Hey sisters
I know everyone has different schedules but I was at the Bronx yesterday and I spoke with our mom that we were all going over on the 24 for dinner cause that is really our tradition. I know its really hard jess but like you have in laws we do as well. That's why me and my sis usually go to the Bronx first cause we can't celebrate Christmas on Christmas day with them. I have to go to mass with Pauls mom on Christmas day and kathie unni goes to her in law as well. (What this have to do with anything? I know I have in laws. and I am not talking about spending time with you on xmas) I know its hard not being with our own families but being married we have to work around it I guess. (whats she talking about? I am not talking about not being with my family. I assume she things I am trying to maneuver their day to accomodate my family?) Lol. I already told mother that we were going over and she decided to make dinner for us. She knows that we all work that day and she offered to cook. I really don't want to disappoint her. (I guess shes not disappointed that her SON WONT BE THERE?) What do you think?
So now im super annoyed. Her email has nothing to do with my email. All I am asking is for one day for jae to enjoy the holidays with his OWN FAMILY. Not talking about me and maddie, but even his mom, dad and sisters. Is that too much to ask? I love how they do not even take JAe's schedule into account. They are meeting up with or without him. Isnt that fucked up? When he came home, i bitched to him about this. I told him it seems like he doesnt even matter in the family...and that no on cares what his plans are.
These are memories we cant get back. He will miss everything...and he will continue to miss it every year if something is not changed. If one of the sisters couldnt make it, you bet your ass it would have gotten rescheduled. Why is jae such a black sheep? I wish I was one of those wives who would stand by their man and not show up to show some solidarity, but alas, i'll be making this trip by myself to the effin bronx with a baby who hates the car seat. joy.
im just so annoyed...they totally missed the point. i never seen a holiday gathering like this where an immediate family member is missing like this and no one cares to reschedule. Whats the holidays about? Family and being together...and yet he wont even get to see them this year. WHAT THE FUCK? im so annoyed...im angry....and resentful. Why should Maddie be the only kid without her dad there? Why should he have to miss any of this when its not even necessary? We can all meet 2 days later and be TOGETHER. Am i being selfish? Or are they?
UGH!
Ok so i know around the holidays a lot of families have to deal with the "fight" between who gets to see who on what day etc. I know I have had my share of this. I have had to sacrifice certain times, days etc with my family to spend time with his.
However, for Christmas, it actually works out bc I spend Xmas day with my family and his family does not meet on xmas day so it actually works out. I do usually have to give up my families tradition of xmas eve hordourves and gift opening, but thats my sacrifice.
This year, I have a baby and I really wanted Jae to be there for her on her first christmas. As we all know, he runs a business that is very holiday-centric. the holidays are NUTS and you cannot imagine unless you have been to his store on a holiday. Anyway, the day before any holiday is always the worst. He usually doesnt even come home and just sleeps at the store. The day of the holiday, he is always beat since he broke night but he always manages to be awake and enjoy anyway.
Last year for xmas eve, he was busy and i was preggers and i had to drive to the bronx myself. he ended up meeting up at the house much later on. he stayed for a short while and then it was time to leave. he was lucky last year to even have gotten out when he did but he rushed to get to the bronx in time for presents.
So this year, since xmas fell on a saturday, i was thinking of maybe meeting up with his family on sunday. this way, jae could actually enjoy the day without having to worry about work, or be tired. So I wrote my SILs an email. here is what i wrote:
hey sisters:
was wondering if you guys had anything planned for this xmas.... i was wondering if maybe we could celebrate on sunday? jae is busy friday and saturday and id like him to be able to enjoy the holidays for once with his family without having to think about work...and its also the babys first christmas so id like the whole Oh/Cho/Moon family to be together at the same time for once (without him coming in late, tired, cranky etc)....
i dont mind hosting...i will make some food and we can also cater in some. we can do lunch into dinner or whatever you guys want. or if you want to go to the bronx again, i dont mind but the only thing i ask is can we make it an early night? id still like to preserve the babys sleep as much as possible cuz my job is 10x harder when she doesnt get her sleep. sorry, im a bit anal about her sleep. hehe. if i host, you guys can comes as early or stay as late as you'd like... i dont know how you guys feel about this, or how your parents feel, but this is only a suggestion.... let me know what you guys think...
Here is the response I get back. My notes are in bold
Hey sisters
I know everyone has different schedules but I was at the Bronx yesterday and I spoke with our mom that we were all going over on the 24 for dinner cause that is really our tradition. I know its really hard jess but like you have in laws we do as well. That's why me and my sis usually go to the Bronx first cause we can't celebrate Christmas on Christmas day with them. I have to go to mass with Pauls mom on Christmas day and kathie unni goes to her in law as well. (What this have to do with anything? I know I have in laws. and I am not talking about spending time with you on xmas) I know its hard not being with our own families but being married we have to work around it I guess. (whats she talking about? I am not talking about not being with my family. I assume she things I am trying to maneuver their day to accomodate my family?) Lol. I already told mother that we were going over and she decided to make dinner for us. She knows that we all work that day and she offered to cook. I really don't want to disappoint her. (I guess shes not disappointed that her SON WONT BE THERE?) What do you think?
So now im super annoyed. Her email has nothing to do with my email. All I am asking is for one day for jae to enjoy the holidays with his OWN FAMILY. Not talking about me and maddie, but even his mom, dad and sisters. Is that too much to ask? I love how they do not even take JAe's schedule into account. They are meeting up with or without him. Isnt that fucked up? When he came home, i bitched to him about this. I told him it seems like he doesnt even matter in the family...and that no on cares what his plans are.
These are memories we cant get back. He will miss everything...and he will continue to miss it every year if something is not changed. If one of the sisters couldnt make it, you bet your ass it would have gotten rescheduled. Why is jae such a black sheep? I wish I was one of those wives who would stand by their man and not show up to show some solidarity, but alas, i'll be making this trip by myself to the effin bronx with a baby who hates the car seat. joy.
im just so annoyed...they totally missed the point. i never seen a holiday gathering like this where an immediate family member is missing like this and no one cares to reschedule. Whats the holidays about? Family and being together...and yet he wont even get to see them this year. WHAT THE FUCK? im so annoyed...im angry....and resentful. Why should Maddie be the only kid without her dad there? Why should he have to miss any of this when its not even necessary? We can all meet 2 days later and be TOGETHER. Am i being selfish? Or are they?
UGH!
Saturday, December 4, 2010
mmm coffee. i just recently got back into coffee now that maddie's eating and gas problems are slowing down. also started introducing dairy back into my diet, but thats another story for another day.
so i purchased a keurig coffee maker from newegg. btw, it shipped to me in like 1 or 2 days for free! they had a good deal. $79.95 shipped. no tax. its the basic model, but good enough for our family.
i went to bjs in search of some k-cups but they were too expensive, so i did a search online. and voila...keurig.com was having a sale with free ship. 10% off plus $2 off each box. not only that but if you register your keurig machine, you can get 2 free boxes with purchase of 2 boxes. wow! i got like 92 cups for $23 bucks shipped!
so what did i get? i chose 2 variety boxes, a chai green tea and of course a kona blend cuz who doesn't like kona coffee. mmm....
I was disappointed in their choices of hot chocolate. If you have any recommendations, please send my way. I have tried the Donut Shop coffee in our office and it was pretty good, and plus I like the packaging. It just makes me want to drink it hehe.
One day maybe ill splurge and get the cool swivel holder for the kcups...but i think i've spent enough money...on myself! sheesh. i always do this around the holidays...shop for someone else, see a good deal on something for myself and buy it. SMH!
who knew coffee could make me so happy? i do have an awesome full blown espresso/coffee maker that i got as a shower gift from MAB. I love it...and it has come in so handy for all these friend and family parties i throw. But there are times when im home alone and I just want a small cup....most importantly, there are times when I have someone over and I just want to make a small serving. Namely, Judy and MAB cuz I know they sometimes like to have coffee after a meal. Instead of me brewing a pot, adding water, grinding beans etc, I can just Keurig them!
so i purchased a keurig coffee maker from newegg. btw, it shipped to me in like 1 or 2 days for free! they had a good deal. $79.95 shipped. no tax. its the basic model, but good enough for our family.
i went to bjs in search of some k-cups but they were too expensive, so i did a search online. and voila...keurig.com was having a sale with free ship. 10% off plus $2 off each box. not only that but if you register your keurig machine, you can get 2 free boxes with purchase of 2 boxes. wow! i got like 92 cups for $23 bucks shipped!
so what did i get? i chose 2 variety boxes, a chai green tea and of course a kona blend cuz who doesn't like kona coffee. mmm....
I was disappointed in their choices of hot chocolate. If you have any recommendations, please send my way. I have tried the Donut Shop coffee in our office and it was pretty good, and plus I like the packaging. It just makes me want to drink it hehe.
One day maybe ill splurge and get the cool swivel holder for the kcups...but i think i've spent enough money...on myself! sheesh. i always do this around the holidays...shop for someone else, see a good deal on something for myself and buy it. SMH!
who knew coffee could make me so happy? i do have an awesome full blown espresso/coffee maker that i got as a shower gift from MAB. I love it...and it has come in so handy for all these friend and family parties i throw. But there are times when im home alone and I just want a small cup....most importantly, there are times when I have someone over and I just want to make a small serving. Namely, Judy and MAB cuz I know they sometimes like to have coffee after a meal. Instead of me brewing a pot, adding water, grinding beans etc, I can just Keurig them!
Friday, December 3, 2010
Starting Solids...
So just shy of 5 months old (11/28), we gave Maddie her first taste of cereal. We have a ped appointment in a few weeks and at the last appointment, the doctor said that before we see her next, we should try out solids.
Its recommended to give a new food in the daytime, and not night in case there are allegies, you would be dealing with it in the daytime instead of while they are sleeping. I also wanted Jae to be there for her first time...so, of course I had to start on a Sunday since he works 6 days of the week. On this particular Sunday, I planned to stay home but jae wanted to take Maddie out to my grandmas. So, we lugged all the feeding stuff into Queens. I wouldn't recommend this...I really wanted her to be home, but it was nice that my grandma could witness it.
We started with oatmeal and as soon as I put the spoon to her face, she opened her mouth. Good start. We were feeding her in her Bumbo, which she actually doesn't like, so I knew the time she would be stting would be limited. I thought maybe the food would distract her though but after a few more bites, she started crying. I ended the session right there.
LAter that night, we went home and I tried again before bedtime. The highchair was set up and we used that. She loves this seat! The feeding session was again, shortlived, since it was close to her bedtime and she was a bit cranky.
The next day, I tried again and she would stick her thumb in after each bite to help her swallow. I read that when they are young, this is what they do since sucking is the only way they know how to eat.
It's been 5 days so far and she still puts her fingers or thumb in her mouth. They are in there constantly, actually. Any bit of food on her fingers, she tries to suck off. Its kind of hard to get a spoon in her mouth at all. I am torn between being worried and understanding that she is still a bit young and will learn eventually.
She knows to open her mouth, but doesnt quite know to close it over the spoon. She also deosnt know how to slurp the food off the spoon. (all normal). I only give her about a teaspoon or so of food but she will finish it. I am only doing once a day right now. Before I started this, I consulted my cousin who told me not to be too eager to start this cuz its a lot more work. She was right... theres a lot more prep and cleaning involved now. and right before she eats, I have pump like 3 teaspoons worth of milk to mix with her cereal. so annoying. and its VERY messy. but I really do enjoy watching her hit this milestone. She also really likes the highchair, so its great. After shes done eating, she will sit there and play while I wash dishes or clean up.
I think she is still a bit young, but I think with enough practice she will really like eating.
Next week I will be feeding her a barley/oatmeal mix (twice a day) and the week after, I will start with carrots. I do want to try a veggie before I see the ped in case I have any questions.
Shes growing up so fast!
So just shy of 5 months old (11/28), we gave Maddie her first taste of cereal. We have a ped appointment in a few weeks and at the last appointment, the doctor said that before we see her next, we should try out solids.
Its recommended to give a new food in the daytime, and not night in case there are allegies, you would be dealing with it in the daytime instead of while they are sleeping. I also wanted Jae to be there for her first time...so, of course I had to start on a Sunday since he works 6 days of the week. On this particular Sunday, I planned to stay home but jae wanted to take Maddie out to my grandmas. So, we lugged all the feeding stuff into Queens. I wouldn't recommend this...I really wanted her to be home, but it was nice that my grandma could witness it.
We started with oatmeal and as soon as I put the spoon to her face, she opened her mouth. Good start. We were feeding her in her Bumbo, which she actually doesn't like, so I knew the time she would be stting would be limited. I thought maybe the food would distract her though but after a few more bites, she started crying. I ended the session right there.
LAter that night, we went home and I tried again before bedtime. The highchair was set up and we used that. She loves this seat! The feeding session was again, shortlived, since it was close to her bedtime and she was a bit cranky.
The next day, I tried again and she would stick her thumb in after each bite to help her swallow. I read that when they are young, this is what they do since sucking is the only way they know how to eat.
It's been 5 days so far and she still puts her fingers or thumb in her mouth. They are in there constantly, actually. Any bit of food on her fingers, she tries to suck off. Its kind of hard to get a spoon in her mouth at all. I am torn between being worried and understanding that she is still a bit young and will learn eventually.
She knows to open her mouth, but doesnt quite know to close it over the spoon. She also deosnt know how to slurp the food off the spoon. (all normal). I only give her about a teaspoon or so of food but she will finish it. I am only doing once a day right now. Before I started this, I consulted my cousin who told me not to be too eager to start this cuz its a lot more work. She was right... theres a lot more prep and cleaning involved now. and right before she eats, I have pump like 3 teaspoons worth of milk to mix with her cereal. so annoying. and its VERY messy. but I really do enjoy watching her hit this milestone. She also really likes the highchair, so its great. After shes done eating, she will sit there and play while I wash dishes or clean up.
I think she is still a bit young, but I think with enough practice she will really like eating.
Next week I will be feeding her a barley/oatmeal mix (twice a day) and the week after, I will start with carrots. I do want to try a veggie before I see the ped in case I have any questions.
Shes growing up so fast!
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Christmas...i LOVE christmas. I do declare its my favorite holiday. the music, the lights, the weather, the cheer....i love everything about it. This year is Maddies first christmas....even though its her first, Jae and I have not planned to get her anything. She doesnt know what a gift is, and I figure she doesnt really need anything anyway.
Also, we have been asked by so many people what to buy for her. I honestly dont even know what a 6 month old would need, so its been hard. I did tell my SIL that I wanted MAddie to have a push buggy and she purchased one for her yesterday. yay!
I did have an amazon wish list of things I eventually wanted to get Maddie so I guess I could also use that but its just a bunch of little items here and there. Not sure anyone wants to get them since people tend to want to buy 1 bigger gift. (Not that I need a big gift! I'm out of space!)
As for Jae and I, well I asked him for my gift this year. I wanted the Beaba baby cooker bc we started Maddie on cereal on 11/28! yay!
I have wanted this machine since before Maddie was born. Jae insisted he not get this for me for xmas, since its not really for me and that we could just buy it as a normal purchase, but i dont want anything else! So he picked it up for me. woo hoo! cant wait to use it.
As for Jae, I got him a flip video.
He loves taking video of maddie and is always using up all my space on my camera. Thats why i upload my photos so quickly - I have to do a dump out of my camera cuz all the space is taken by videos taken by him going "say ahpah...say ahpah" to Maddie who is just staring at him like hes crazy. I also wanted to get him the Keurig coffee maker, but who was I kidding. I would really be buying it for myself...so i just told him i wanted it and that I was going to buy it. haha.
the nephews and nieces are tough ones to buy for. Philip has given me a few things he wanted but they are all expensive. I plan to either get him a ripstick or a ps3 game. Ryan will get beyblades stuff and harry potter lego if i can find it. He also needs a bday gift too! ARGH! Jake gets an easel, as asked for my his mom. The 2 girls - NO CLUE! Need a list from SIL asap.
The rest of my family is even tougher. I have NO idea what to get anyone. I have a lot of empty spaces on my xmas list.
Also another conundrum - do i buy my cousins kids stuff? If I buy for one, i have to buy for all? I'm so scared someone will come to my house with a gift for maddie, and I wont have anything for their kid. What to do? Help!
Also, we have been asked by so many people what to buy for her. I honestly dont even know what a 6 month old would need, so its been hard. I did tell my SIL that I wanted MAddie to have a push buggy and she purchased one for her yesterday. yay!
I did have an amazon wish list of things I eventually wanted to get Maddie so I guess I could also use that but its just a bunch of little items here and there. Not sure anyone wants to get them since people tend to want to buy 1 bigger gift. (Not that I need a big gift! I'm out of space!)
As for Jae and I, well I asked him for my gift this year. I wanted the Beaba baby cooker bc we started Maddie on cereal on 11/28! yay!
I have wanted this machine since before Maddie was born. Jae insisted he not get this for me for xmas, since its not really for me and that we could just buy it as a normal purchase, but i dont want anything else! So he picked it up for me. woo hoo! cant wait to use it.
As for Jae, I got him a flip video.
He loves taking video of maddie and is always using up all my space on my camera. Thats why i upload my photos so quickly - I have to do a dump out of my camera cuz all the space is taken by videos taken by him going "say ahpah...say ahpah" to Maddie who is just staring at him like hes crazy. I also wanted to get him the Keurig coffee maker, but who was I kidding. I would really be buying it for myself...so i just told him i wanted it and that I was going to buy it. haha.
the nephews and nieces are tough ones to buy for. Philip has given me a few things he wanted but they are all expensive. I plan to either get him a ripstick or a ps3 game. Ryan will get beyblades stuff and harry potter lego if i can find it. He also needs a bday gift too! ARGH! Jake gets an easel, as asked for my his mom. The 2 girls - NO CLUE! Need a list from SIL asap.
The rest of my family is even tougher. I have NO idea what to get anyone. I have a lot of empty spaces on my xmas list.
Also another conundrum - do i buy my cousins kids stuff? If I buy for one, i have to buy for all? I'm so scared someone will come to my house with a gift for maddie, and I wont have anything for their kid. What to do? Help!
Today is a new day.
Yesterday, I really struggled to get through the day. It happens from time to time. But today we start fresh. When you have a bad day with a kid, you allow yourself to "reset" for the next day. Since they are so unpredictable, you just start with a clean slate the following day and see where it takes you.
She woke up every hour from midnight to 7am last night. She didnt need me though, I never went to her. She would fuss, or whine for a few minutes and go right back to sleep. I am not sure whats going on with her...growth spurt? teething? milestone? who knows....but she is sure not acting like her normal self.
But today we reset. She woke up at a normal time this AM and we'll see what happens from here. Day by day....thats how you live with a baby.
Yesterday, I really struggled to get through the day. It happens from time to time. But today we start fresh. When you have a bad day with a kid, you allow yourself to "reset" for the next day. Since they are so unpredictable, you just start with a clean slate the following day and see where it takes you.
She woke up every hour from midnight to 7am last night. She didnt need me though, I never went to her. She would fuss, or whine for a few minutes and go right back to sleep. I am not sure whats going on with her...growth spurt? teething? milestone? who knows....but she is sure not acting like her normal self.
But today we reset. She woke up at a normal time this AM and we'll see what happens from here. Day by day....thats how you live with a baby.
Monday, November 29, 2010
just one of those days...
25 minute naps all around. This is starting to piss me off. Shes irritable and fussy all day. Wont go down for naps as easily. Work sucks and its so hard watching the baby at the same time. For some reason whether jae is home or not, i still have the same amount of responsibility. Shes been up since 2:30...woke go down for a nap so now i have 2 hours to kill while shes cranky as hell. Had plans to go out to Target but since she wont sleep and I do everything, I have to stay home and watch over her. Havent been outside all day bc of her irregular sleeping and eating.
One of those days I just break down in tears from the pressure and stress. One of those days I tell jae "get her away from me".
I just want to crawl into bed and sleep....but alas, I cant bc I'm supermom...and I have so much more to do.
25 minute naps all around. This is starting to piss me off. Shes irritable and fussy all day. Wont go down for naps as easily. Work sucks and its so hard watching the baby at the same time. For some reason whether jae is home or not, i still have the same amount of responsibility. Shes been up since 2:30...woke go down for a nap so now i have 2 hours to kill while shes cranky as hell. Had plans to go out to Target but since she wont sleep and I do everything, I have to stay home and watch over her. Havent been outside all day bc of her irregular sleeping and eating.
One of those days I just break down in tears from the pressure and stress. One of those days I tell jae "get her away from me".
I just want to crawl into bed and sleep....but alas, I cant bc I'm supermom...and I have so much more to do.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Wahhh for the past few days Maddie has not taken a nap longer than 40 mins. Most of her naps are 25-30 minutes instead of her usual 1.5-2 hours. WHAT HAPPENED? I think she got a bit sick the week of 11/15 and this screwed her up. She was only sick for 2 days but something must have happened cuz her sleep has not been the same. I'm going insane....I cant get anything done anymore. Shes going back to her old ways. I did read about a 4 month sleep regression...maybe this is it. I am just hoping she goes back to longer naps soon cuz I am exhausted!
What I hate about hosting Thanksgiving:
1. Even though my relatives TOTALLY cleaned up, washed dishes, etc...theres still a lot of work for me to do. The floors are filthy, things still need to be put away etc.
2. People coming in with their shoes on. just gross. they usually will come in with their shoes to drop off food and then go take them off later. But still, very gross. I have a baby who will soon be crawling on this floor!
3. People who ask me for bottled water when I put out 3 gallons of water on the buffet table. If you MUST drink from a bottle, please bring your own. I dont have the money to buy cases of bottled water, only to have you drink half and leave it on a counter somewhere for someone to clean up later.
4. Not having a place for the kids to go. Last Christmas, they occupied my living room... I found candy wrappers and food and stuff all over the sofa. This year they took over my bedroom. How they ended up here, I have no idea. They werent messing anything up, but just not having that quiet space anywhere in the house was hard. And while MAddie was trying to sleep, they would be loud and go up and down the stairs.
5. Little things out of place - like my foam letter "carpet"...they messed up all the borders and switched a lot of the letters. we also had painters tape on our stairs for a project we never started...but i found the tape had been taken off and put in other places.
6. Someone opening a bottle of wine and it was still 100% full by the time they left. I had to dump it.
7. All the soda cans strewn all over the house, of course, none of them were empty.
8. Everyone taking all my tupperware.
9. Finding random food bits in crevices all over the house. Walnuts here and there, dried up corn here and there... gross.
10. People not knowing where my stuff is...so I get asked about a zillion questions coming from a zillion people in a zillion different directions. When I went upstairs to breastfeed Maddie, I felt anxious bc I knew people would probably need stuff...I didnt think that was fair to Maddie. I hated being away from the crowd....so i did end up giving her a bottle so that I could be around at the same time she ate.
Let me stop complaining. I just needed to vent a bit...but I have no regrets about hosting. I love my family!! and I love entertaining. ITs just always a lot of work.....and I bring upon most of the anxiety myself. I get to do it all over again for Xmas!
What I hate about hosting Thanksgiving:
1. Even though my relatives TOTALLY cleaned up, washed dishes, etc...theres still a lot of work for me to do. The floors are filthy, things still need to be put away etc.
2. People coming in with their shoes on. just gross. they usually will come in with their shoes to drop off food and then go take them off later. But still, very gross. I have a baby who will soon be crawling on this floor!
3. People who ask me for bottled water when I put out 3 gallons of water on the buffet table. If you MUST drink from a bottle, please bring your own. I dont have the money to buy cases of bottled water, only to have you drink half and leave it on a counter somewhere for someone to clean up later.
4. Not having a place for the kids to go. Last Christmas, they occupied my living room... I found candy wrappers and food and stuff all over the sofa. This year they took over my bedroom. How they ended up here, I have no idea. They werent messing anything up, but just not having that quiet space anywhere in the house was hard. And while MAddie was trying to sleep, they would be loud and go up and down the stairs.
5. Little things out of place - like my foam letter "carpet"...they messed up all the borders and switched a lot of the letters. we also had painters tape on our stairs for a project we never started...but i found the tape had been taken off and put in other places.
6. Someone opening a bottle of wine and it was still 100% full by the time they left. I had to dump it.
7. All the soda cans strewn all over the house, of course, none of them were empty.
8. Everyone taking all my tupperware.
9. Finding random food bits in crevices all over the house. Walnuts here and there, dried up corn here and there... gross.
10. People not knowing where my stuff is...so I get asked about a zillion questions coming from a zillion people in a zillion different directions. When I went upstairs to breastfeed Maddie, I felt anxious bc I knew people would probably need stuff...I didnt think that was fair to Maddie. I hated being away from the crowd....so i did end up giving her a bottle so that I could be around at the same time she ate.
Let me stop complaining. I just needed to vent a bit...but I have no regrets about hosting. I love my family!! and I love entertaining. ITs just always a lot of work.....and I bring upon most of the anxiety myself. I get to do it all over again for Xmas!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
How to get ready for Thanksgiving:
I am cooking only turkey and mash. Still, its a lot of work to host (maybe cuz i have a baby now).
1. Bring up MJ table, chairs, and buffet table from basement.
2. Grandma helped me get cups, plates, utensils, soda, beer, napkins
3. Cousin brought over lbs of mushrooms, potatos, sweet potatoes, salad
4. Clean house (esp bathrooms!)
5. Set up pack n play, swing and other items for the kids
6. Put on tablecloths over everything so tables dont get ruined
7. Bought a refrigerator to put in the garage to help with space (we wanted to do this anyway...but thanksgiving just gave us a push)
8. take out all serving platters, gravy boats, basters etc.
9. Make sure there is milk, coffee
10. Bake cookies
11. Clean turkey (yuck!)
12. Wake up at 5 AM to cook it!!!!
13. Peel 15 lbs of potatoes. Myself.
14. Move heater downstairs so Mahjong people dont complain about my drafty house.
15. bring cooler in from deck and clean it
16. buy 3 bags of ice to put out for soda and beer
17. Clean out refrigerator to make room for all the food and dessert coming. I threw out a lot of expired stuff. oops!
I am sure theres more, but thats the gist. All this while watching the baby on my own. Jae is working late this week.
bUt you know what, it is ALL WORTH IT to spend time with the family and eat our annual big feast! YUM!
Happy Thanksgiving!
I am cooking only turkey and mash. Still, its a lot of work to host (maybe cuz i have a baby now).
1. Bring up MJ table, chairs, and buffet table from basement.
2. Grandma helped me get cups, plates, utensils, soda, beer, napkins
3. Cousin brought over lbs of mushrooms, potatos, sweet potatoes, salad
4. Clean house (esp bathrooms!)
5. Set up pack n play, swing and other items for the kids
6. Put on tablecloths over everything so tables dont get ruined
7. Bought a refrigerator to put in the garage to help with space (we wanted to do this anyway...but thanksgiving just gave us a push)
8. take out all serving platters, gravy boats, basters etc.
9. Make sure there is milk, coffee
10. Bake cookies
11. Clean turkey (yuck!)
12. Wake up at 5 AM to cook it!!!!
13. Peel 15 lbs of potatoes. Myself.
14. Move heater downstairs so Mahjong people dont complain about my drafty house.
15. bring cooler in from deck and clean it
16. buy 3 bags of ice to put out for soda and beer
17. Clean out refrigerator to make room for all the food and dessert coming. I threw out a lot of expired stuff. oops!
I am sure theres more, but thats the gist. All this while watching the baby on my own. Jae is working late this week.
bUt you know what, it is ALL WORTH IT to spend time with the family and eat our annual big feast! YUM!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Letter #2
Dear Mom:
Sorry this letter is late. I promised you one every year...so I promised myself I would get it done this month.
So much has happened since I last saw you. It has been just over a year yet I still remember that day. The day when I knew something was wrong....I was so scared to call 911. Afraid of what would happen. It was an awful feeling.
I remember everything about that night. Talking to you and you responding....and how quickly things changed in a matter of 20 minutes. I remember the doctors name - Robin Kim. He was a nice doctor...I think I saw him crying when you passed. The most awful memories are the faces of the people when they heard the news. Jae passing out. Grandma not believing its true. Its just not fun to think about and yet everything is so vividly clear in my mind.....the sound of the flatline continues to haunt me to this day. I am still amazed at how rock solid I was. Not a single tear from me. That didn't mean I wasn't sad to lose you....but I think I knew it was for the better. I knew you wouldnt give up unless it was the last resort. I had to stay strong for everyone else. I had to talk to the doctors...had to tell them not to resusitate....had to break the news to the whole family, telling them phone call by phone call.
Anyway, since that night when I was just under a month pregnant, I really thought I was going to lose the baby. I Really thought that no small fetus could handle that amount of stress. I was ready to accept the fact that that was a possibility and go full force into planning the funeral etc, knowing that a miscarriage could possibly happen.
Well, I'm happy to report, I carried full term and you became the grandma of a beautiful little girl, Madelyn. Of course, I used your name for her middle. That is something Jae and I discussed as soon as we found out it was a girl...it was actually one morning we were in Albany of all places.
My pregnancy was relatively easy. Not a day of morning sickness. I felt great, until the last few months where I just wanted to sit on the couch and eat and do nothing. I gave up on my weight control there as well. But prior to that, I did a ton of walking and felt great doing so. Once my bump became big enough to notice, I loved flaunting it! I was proud. I loved walking into a room carrying my baby. I never got to ask you if you had stretch marks. I ended up getting them anyway, very late into the game. Maybe the last 2 months or so. I had zero cravings and zero aversions. It was a great pregnancy, I would have to say and I do miss it so. Our marriage was probably the best its ever been during my pregnancy as well. We really cherished every minute of it. I know that would have made you happy.
The labor and delivery was a little rougher. I had a csection. It was crazy when they pulled her out and I heard her cry. THe best sound in the world. She was born at 8 lbs 12 oz...and a tall baby at 21". It was great that she came out so big. Her neck control was awesome from day one. She was pretty sturdy very quickly which just made taking care of her that much easier.
I got hives after the birth. The hospital stay was very uncomfortable...I couldn't wait to get home. Once we were home, it was just Jae and I and our new baby girl. We have done everything to date on our own, by ourselves. We have had little to no help...while its been hard, i feel very proud of us as well. We juggle a lot....and always come out pretty successful.
so, can you believe I have a daughter?
The first 3 months were the hardest, but after that, motherhood has been more enjoyable. She is a happy baby who loves to laugh. You must be able to hear her laugh by now...its so boisterous, comes straight from the belly, I don't know how the high heavens could not hear such a joyous sound. I always try to look for you in her, but alas, she is all Jae. hehe. Her personality though, is definitely from our family. I think eventually she will be a social butterfly just like you.
She is a great baby...she became a self soother at under 3 months. She sucks her thumb just like I did. She is easy to make smile and laugh. She can sit or play by herself. She sleeps through the night. Shes alert, observant, very smart. The one quirk she has that is a bit exhausting is that she doesnt like to sit in the car seat or stroller. She doesnt like to be strapped down, so she will try to get out. And she will cry. But I guess on the upside, shes just a very awake baby and knows where she is and whats shes doing. Shes not a sleepy baby, or one that just sits there staring off into space. Shes aware and alive in spirit.
shes got spunk. and a little bit of my bitchiness. When she doesnt like something, she will make this awful grunt to let you know. She don't play around. I always wonder if you're watching us....its quite funny actually. Maddie really loves her room. Everytime I enter the room, she starts smiling. When I leave the room and she is over my shoulder, I hear her laughing out of nowhere. A few times, I have been sitting in the rocking chair and she starts staring at something and then breaks out into laughter. Is it you that she loves so much? Seriously, I think sometimes she sees something I dont....I would love to think its your presence.
I think about you a lot when it comes to the baby. I remember how you were so famous for holding a baby and doing a thousand things with one arm - cooking, eating, reading etc. I remember how famous you made eating noodles while holding a baby. I like to hold Maddie too. I like to do it cuz it reminds me of you. It makes me feel like I can parent like you too. In our family, I think thats pretty standard. In Jaes, I get a few comments about why I hold her while I'm eating. How do I explain that it's what my mom does and therefore its ok and to go suck it?
When you were still here, Jae was in negotiations for a Flushing store. Well in late May, he finally opened it. We are gearing up for the next holiday season now, so Jae will be very busy, and I guess I'll be a single mom for a week. These would be the times you would come over to help me.
I also started working from home after maternity leave. It's a great opportunity for me to earn some money, still provide health insurance for everyone and still get to raise the baby myself. But does it suck? Yeah. I dont like it one bit, especially with an annoying boss. But it's what we have to do for now. Who knows whats to come.
Kevin got engaged. You would have been happy. I just had a dream the other day about you...somehow the wedding was involved but I can't remember all the details anymore. Anyway, its set for August 2011. I know you will be there in spirit, dancing the night away.
Gosh, come to think of it, you didnt even know Cindy and Vanessa were pregnant! Well since, they both have had their babies. All 3 babies will be together this thanksgiving! Diana is pregnant with a boy! Amy is now pregnant! The new generation of babies has been born. I know they will grow up together and close, like we all did. This is something you would have loved loved loved. Our family was everything to you. You would have been the one person to really appreciate how its growing.
So many new and fun things you are missing. Speaking of thanksgiving, I am hosting this year. Po didn't even want to do thanksgiving, but I insisted. Therefore, I was left to host. A lot of people commented that I was crazy to host with a baby. But everyone is bringing a dish so theres not much I need to do besides turkey and mash. Ben's dad actually did email me and tell me you would be proud of me. Alas, I have to agree. You LOVED these holiday gatherings with the family. You were the most festive out of everyone. The cornerstone of the fam. To give up this tradition would be blasphemous. You would not approve at all, so it has been my duty to uphold this yearly gathering. I will also be hosting Christmas and thinking of you every step of the way. I do believe this was your favorite holiday with all your kooky holiday hats and holiday musical animals you would randomly buy. I still look at one of those blow up snow globes and think of you. So dont worry mom, the family tradition still goes on.
Po and Gung are good...but they miss you. It's evident. Now that I am a mother, I cannot fathom the loss of my own child. I feel their pain and I hurt for them. But under the circumstances, I think they are doing well. I think Maddie definitely has something to do with that. They now live and breathe for this little girl. I never saw gung smile so much or be affectionate to a baby. He will actually look at photos of her on his fridge and wave. LOL. I do believe this baby "saved" them in a way. It gives them something to care about and think about when they are in their greatest pain.
I dont think there is any other big news. It was certainly a life changing year for all of us. The one thing I tell myself everyday is to keep moving. Life goes on and I try not to let it pass me by. I look ahead and hope there are more good things to come.
The one bad thing I do have to tell you is that your wish for a relationship with dad has not happened. Like so many other people, he is completely lost without you, which has caused him to push people away. And as you know, our relationship with him was never close so combine the two, and you have quite some distance there. I dont think this will ever change. I know you will be unhappy about that but that is the reality and I honestly have no desire to change it. I know you will be disappointed to hear that but I have to be honest.
In any case, I guess its time to end the letter. Its weird...I feel like if I end this letter, I end "talking" to you. But I have to believe you are always around. You probably already knew everything I just told you, didnt you? I do miss you so very much. I really hope you know that I am happy and have everything I have ever needed. I hope wherever you are, you have a smile on your face. I love you.
Love,
Jessie
Sorry this letter is late. I promised you one every year...so I promised myself I would get it done this month.
So much has happened since I last saw you. It has been just over a year yet I still remember that day. The day when I knew something was wrong....I was so scared to call 911. Afraid of what would happen. It was an awful feeling.
I remember everything about that night. Talking to you and you responding....and how quickly things changed in a matter of 20 minutes. I remember the doctors name - Robin Kim. He was a nice doctor...I think I saw him crying when you passed. The most awful memories are the faces of the people when they heard the news. Jae passing out. Grandma not believing its true. Its just not fun to think about and yet everything is so vividly clear in my mind.....the sound of the flatline continues to haunt me to this day. I am still amazed at how rock solid I was. Not a single tear from me. That didn't mean I wasn't sad to lose you....but I think I knew it was for the better. I knew you wouldnt give up unless it was the last resort. I had to stay strong for everyone else. I had to talk to the doctors...had to tell them not to resusitate....had to break the news to the whole family, telling them phone call by phone call.
Anyway, since that night when I was just under a month pregnant, I really thought I was going to lose the baby. I Really thought that no small fetus could handle that amount of stress. I was ready to accept the fact that that was a possibility and go full force into planning the funeral etc, knowing that a miscarriage could possibly happen.
Well, I'm happy to report, I carried full term and you became the grandma of a beautiful little girl, Madelyn. Of course, I used your name for her middle. That is something Jae and I discussed as soon as we found out it was a girl...it was actually one morning we were in Albany of all places.
My pregnancy was relatively easy. Not a day of morning sickness. I felt great, until the last few months where I just wanted to sit on the couch and eat and do nothing. I gave up on my weight control there as well. But prior to that, I did a ton of walking and felt great doing so. Once my bump became big enough to notice, I loved flaunting it! I was proud. I loved walking into a room carrying my baby. I never got to ask you if you had stretch marks. I ended up getting them anyway, very late into the game. Maybe the last 2 months or so. I had zero cravings and zero aversions. It was a great pregnancy, I would have to say and I do miss it so. Our marriage was probably the best its ever been during my pregnancy as well. We really cherished every minute of it. I know that would have made you happy.
The labor and delivery was a little rougher. I had a csection. It was crazy when they pulled her out and I heard her cry. THe best sound in the world. She was born at 8 lbs 12 oz...and a tall baby at 21". It was great that she came out so big. Her neck control was awesome from day one. She was pretty sturdy very quickly which just made taking care of her that much easier.
I got hives after the birth. The hospital stay was very uncomfortable...I couldn't wait to get home. Once we were home, it was just Jae and I and our new baby girl. We have done everything to date on our own, by ourselves. We have had little to no help...while its been hard, i feel very proud of us as well. We juggle a lot....and always come out pretty successful.
so, can you believe I have a daughter?
The first 3 months were the hardest, but after that, motherhood has been more enjoyable. She is a happy baby who loves to laugh. You must be able to hear her laugh by now...its so boisterous, comes straight from the belly, I don't know how the high heavens could not hear such a joyous sound. I always try to look for you in her, but alas, she is all Jae. hehe. Her personality though, is definitely from our family. I think eventually she will be a social butterfly just like you.
She is a great baby...she became a self soother at under 3 months. She sucks her thumb just like I did. She is easy to make smile and laugh. She can sit or play by herself. She sleeps through the night. Shes alert, observant, very smart. The one quirk she has that is a bit exhausting is that she doesnt like to sit in the car seat or stroller. She doesnt like to be strapped down, so she will try to get out. And she will cry. But I guess on the upside, shes just a very awake baby and knows where she is and whats shes doing. Shes not a sleepy baby, or one that just sits there staring off into space. Shes aware and alive in spirit.
shes got spunk. and a little bit of my bitchiness. When she doesnt like something, she will make this awful grunt to let you know. She don't play around. I always wonder if you're watching us....its quite funny actually. Maddie really loves her room. Everytime I enter the room, she starts smiling. When I leave the room and she is over my shoulder, I hear her laughing out of nowhere. A few times, I have been sitting in the rocking chair and she starts staring at something and then breaks out into laughter. Is it you that she loves so much? Seriously, I think sometimes she sees something I dont....I would love to think its your presence.
I think about you a lot when it comes to the baby. I remember how you were so famous for holding a baby and doing a thousand things with one arm - cooking, eating, reading etc. I remember how famous you made eating noodles while holding a baby. I like to hold Maddie too. I like to do it cuz it reminds me of you. It makes me feel like I can parent like you too. In our family, I think thats pretty standard. In Jaes, I get a few comments about why I hold her while I'm eating. How do I explain that it's what my mom does and therefore its ok and to go suck it?
When you were still here, Jae was in negotiations for a Flushing store. Well in late May, he finally opened it. We are gearing up for the next holiday season now, so Jae will be very busy, and I guess I'll be a single mom for a week. These would be the times you would come over to help me.
I also started working from home after maternity leave. It's a great opportunity for me to earn some money, still provide health insurance for everyone and still get to raise the baby myself. But does it suck? Yeah. I dont like it one bit, especially with an annoying boss. But it's what we have to do for now. Who knows whats to come.
Kevin got engaged. You would have been happy. I just had a dream the other day about you...somehow the wedding was involved but I can't remember all the details anymore. Anyway, its set for August 2011. I know you will be there in spirit, dancing the night away.
Gosh, come to think of it, you didnt even know Cindy and Vanessa were pregnant! Well since, they both have had their babies. All 3 babies will be together this thanksgiving! Diana is pregnant with a boy! Amy is now pregnant! The new generation of babies has been born. I know they will grow up together and close, like we all did. This is something you would have loved loved loved. Our family was everything to you. You would have been the one person to really appreciate how its growing.
So many new and fun things you are missing. Speaking of thanksgiving, I am hosting this year. Po didn't even want to do thanksgiving, but I insisted. Therefore, I was left to host. A lot of people commented that I was crazy to host with a baby. But everyone is bringing a dish so theres not much I need to do besides turkey and mash. Ben's dad actually did email me and tell me you would be proud of me. Alas, I have to agree. You LOVED these holiday gatherings with the family. You were the most festive out of everyone. The cornerstone of the fam. To give up this tradition would be blasphemous. You would not approve at all, so it has been my duty to uphold this yearly gathering. I will also be hosting Christmas and thinking of you every step of the way. I do believe this was your favorite holiday with all your kooky holiday hats and holiday musical animals you would randomly buy. I still look at one of those blow up snow globes and think of you. So dont worry mom, the family tradition still goes on.
Po and Gung are good...but they miss you. It's evident. Now that I am a mother, I cannot fathom the loss of my own child. I feel their pain and I hurt for them. But under the circumstances, I think they are doing well. I think Maddie definitely has something to do with that. They now live and breathe for this little girl. I never saw gung smile so much or be affectionate to a baby. He will actually look at photos of her on his fridge and wave. LOL. I do believe this baby "saved" them in a way. It gives them something to care about and think about when they are in their greatest pain.
I dont think there is any other big news. It was certainly a life changing year for all of us. The one thing I tell myself everyday is to keep moving. Life goes on and I try not to let it pass me by. I look ahead and hope there are more good things to come.
The one bad thing I do have to tell you is that your wish for a relationship with dad has not happened. Like so many other people, he is completely lost without you, which has caused him to push people away. And as you know, our relationship with him was never close so combine the two, and you have quite some distance there. I dont think this will ever change. I know you will be unhappy about that but that is the reality and I honestly have no desire to change it. I know you will be disappointed to hear that but I have to be honest.
In any case, I guess its time to end the letter. Its weird...I feel like if I end this letter, I end "talking" to you. But I have to believe you are always around. You probably already knew everything I just told you, didnt you? I do miss you so very much. I really hope you know that I am happy and have everything I have ever needed. I hope wherever you are, you have a smile on your face. I love you.
Love,
Jessie
Friday, November 19, 2010
Maddie loves rubbing her feet together. when I nurse her, she will also rub her feet on the chair over and over again. i think its so funny when shes lying down and her feet cross, like a little adult.
i also love changing her everyday. when she sees me get a shirt ready to be pulled over her head, she starts to giggle and close her eyes. shes so smart, she knows exactly what im going to do. i pull the shirt over her head and she laughs. its really cute. of course, ive been changing her a lot lately cuz shes been pooping up her shirt a lot! so gross.
oh and shes been doing this for the past few weeks - lifting herself from lying down to sitting by grabbing my thumbs and i pull her up but recently her head has been level with her body instead of hanging backwards as shes being pulled up.
also its hilarious when im lying next to her on the bed and shes sitting up on her boppy. im watching TV and all of a sudden I see a little hand in front of my eyes starting to touch my face. adorable!
i am having trouble finding things to occupy her. it seems what used to occupy her time she now finds boring or less interesting. she used to just lie on her playmat until her next nap. now, she start whining. i think shes bored. same with the exersaucer. she used to be able to sit there for 20 mins. now shes done after 10 max. hmmm, what more could i do with her besides take her for a walk. its getting very exhausting entertaining her everyday.
Anyway, its Friday! and we're going food shopping for Thanksgiving today. so i leave you with a friday funny. I could listen to her laugh all day long.
i also love changing her everyday. when she sees me get a shirt ready to be pulled over her head, she starts to giggle and close her eyes. shes so smart, she knows exactly what im going to do. i pull the shirt over her head and she laughs. its really cute. of course, ive been changing her a lot lately cuz shes been pooping up her shirt a lot! so gross.
oh and shes been doing this for the past few weeks - lifting herself from lying down to sitting by grabbing my thumbs and i pull her up but recently her head has been level with her body instead of hanging backwards as shes being pulled up.
also its hilarious when im lying next to her on the bed and shes sitting up on her boppy. im watching TV and all of a sudden I see a little hand in front of my eyes starting to touch my face. adorable!
i am having trouble finding things to occupy her. it seems what used to occupy her time she now finds boring or less interesting. she used to just lie on her playmat until her next nap. now, she start whining. i think shes bored. same with the exersaucer. she used to be able to sit there for 20 mins. now shes done after 10 max. hmmm, what more could i do with her besides take her for a walk. its getting very exhausting entertaining her everyday.
Anyway, its Friday! and we're going food shopping for Thanksgiving today. so i leave you with a friday funny. I could listen to her laugh all day long.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Time to Bitch!
What do you do when someone doesnt handle your child the way you'd like? It's a tough call, right?
So Maddie has been going through this stranger anxiety phase. From what I hear, its normal...at 4 months and then again around 7 months and can sometimes last till over a year. Anyway, she cries at first when she sees someone who is not me or Jae. After a while, she will be ok but she needs to just take it all in first.
There is one person who literally attacks me when she sees me with the baby. By this, I mean she will barely say hi to me or jae, and rips the baby out of my arms, runs to whoever else is in the house to show her off. She is fairly loud and crazy, but in a fun way. So obviously, the baby screams when this happens. I mean come on, the baby just got into a strange house and is feeling unfamiliar. to be ripped out of her moms arms and into a "strangers" where suddenly there is loud screaming, cooing, ahhing...that could be overwhelming for a 4month old.
How can i get them to just chill the fuck out? Can i enter the house, put my bag down, take my jacket off, take the babys jacket off and just settle in before you go goo goo gaa gaa?
Now, after all this...Jae or I or actually anyone calm, calms the baby down. She will stay in a strangers arms if tat person is just quietly walking around, patting her back or softly humming to her. She has no problems. But this one person im referring to...shes not like that. sO she will grab the baby out of the calm persons arms, and start going gaa gaa again like "OMG youre SO CUTE CUTE CUTE!! OMG OMG OMG!!!" and then proceed to sway with the baby roughly. MAddies face suddently turns scared and starts crying. This person just figures she needs to get used to it, so keeps doing it. Then she tries to hold Maddie down like a baby (cradling her in elbow position which Maddie has hated since birth)...and of course Maddie starts screaming and trying to do a push up to get out of the hold. The whole time im watching this, biting my tongue, dying to grab my baby into my safe arms.
I want to mention that 2 other "strangers" held maddie this night. both of them treated maddie with a quiet tone and just let her look around and take in the new environment. She had no problems with this. it was only when she was manhandled that she cried.
How do i get this person to back off...and not only back off, but take the time to learn what my baby likes. She is an experienced mother but not perfect. She does a lot of things wrong and has given me horrible advice. I once watched her feed Maddie a bottle. she was FORCE FEEDING maddie. i was horrified. She kept the bottle in her mouth...and when maddie started squirming (her cue that she needs a burp), this person just bounced maddie and kept pushing the nipple into her mouth, saying "shh shh shh" the whole time. it was only when maddie sarted crying and turning her head violently that she stopped and i told her she needed to be burped. maddie didnt finish the whole bottle but i knew she was full and was going to eat a few hours later for bedtime anyway...but jae walks into the room, looks at the bottle and goes "thats all she ate? she usually eats more". well cue this person to grab the bottle again and force feed maddie AGAIN. maddie is squirming and she is trying to keep the nipple into her mouth. I finally say " shes had enough, shes not hungry". she ignores me and keeps forcing maddie to eat. I was getting pissed. finally, maddie starts crying again and she stops.
WHAT THE FUCK?
this is why i dont want anyone else touching my baby but ME. this person has a few kids...but i do not appreciate the way she treats my kid. you'd think that you could trust someone with experience, right? but what ive found is that i cant trust no one. everyone raises their kids different (FYI her kids are FAT and i have no doubt this is bc she force feeds them) and experience or not, not everyone does things the same.
Let me expand on this... jaes sisters both tell me to put cetaphil on maddies face for her excema (her first few months of life). The doctor also told me, eucerin or cetaphil. I didnt have time to run out and get it...so my SIL told me she would bring me some. great.
the first night i use it, i notice it was kind of sticky and clear. I didnt remember cetaphil to look like that but the last time i had used it was when Lauren was a baby so i figured things had changed. Anyway, i wipe it on maddies face every night for like a month. One day, i decide to actually READ the freaking bottle and its facial cleanser. you know, like soap - the shit you wipe on and need to WASH OFF. so i was kicking myself for not noticing earlier but also wondering why the fuck his sister gave me this shit. I figured she bought the wrong bottle.
The next time i saw her, i was laughing about it and told her the story - totally thinking she bought the wrong bottle. she looks at me with serious face and says "yeah, thats the right stuff". im like "its facial cleanser"...shes like "youre supposed to put it on with a cotton ball, not your fingers". ok, i dont know what difference that makes but whatever. i know deep down, this shit is not the right thing for babys excema. jae ran out and bought the cetaphil lotion right away and that worked better.
Fast forward another month and jaes OTHER sister comments on how maddies skin got so much clearer. Jae chimes in and says "yeah, after we used the RIGHT stuff"...he proceeds to tell her the story and guess what she says? she says "yeah, thats the right one to use." refering to the facial cleanser. i couldnt believe these people. at least she said "yeah put it on with a cotton ball and wash it off".... the other one told me to use it like a lotion.
ok, i know im a first time mother but how does putting facial cleanser on make ANY SENSE WHATSOEVER? this just goes to show how info gets passed from person to person even if its wrong. Both of these mothers clearly shared info and it was clearly wrong but neither had the smarts enough to change it. Now, they try to pass it on to me. who knows how many other mothers are doing what they've suggested.
Anyway, we use the lotion and its much better for her skin. Friggin facial cleansER! I was wondering why it was so sticky and gel-like. I trusted her to know....and didnt bother to check the bottle. This is why i dont trust anyone anymore!
What do you do when someone doesnt handle your child the way you'd like? It's a tough call, right?
So Maddie has been going through this stranger anxiety phase. From what I hear, its normal...at 4 months and then again around 7 months and can sometimes last till over a year. Anyway, she cries at first when she sees someone who is not me or Jae. After a while, she will be ok but she needs to just take it all in first.
There is one person who literally attacks me when she sees me with the baby. By this, I mean she will barely say hi to me or jae, and rips the baby out of my arms, runs to whoever else is in the house to show her off. She is fairly loud and crazy, but in a fun way. So obviously, the baby screams when this happens. I mean come on, the baby just got into a strange house and is feeling unfamiliar. to be ripped out of her moms arms and into a "strangers" where suddenly there is loud screaming, cooing, ahhing...that could be overwhelming for a 4month old.
How can i get them to just chill the fuck out? Can i enter the house, put my bag down, take my jacket off, take the babys jacket off and just settle in before you go goo goo gaa gaa?
Now, after all this...Jae or I or actually anyone calm, calms the baby down. She will stay in a strangers arms if tat person is just quietly walking around, patting her back or softly humming to her. She has no problems. But this one person im referring to...shes not like that. sO she will grab the baby out of the calm persons arms, and start going gaa gaa again like "OMG youre SO CUTE CUTE CUTE!! OMG OMG OMG!!!" and then proceed to sway with the baby roughly. MAddies face suddently turns scared and starts crying. This person just figures she needs to get used to it, so keeps doing it. Then she tries to hold Maddie down like a baby (cradling her in elbow position which Maddie has hated since birth)...and of course Maddie starts screaming and trying to do a push up to get out of the hold. The whole time im watching this, biting my tongue, dying to grab my baby into my safe arms.
I want to mention that 2 other "strangers" held maddie this night. both of them treated maddie with a quiet tone and just let her look around and take in the new environment. She had no problems with this. it was only when she was manhandled that she cried.
How do i get this person to back off...and not only back off, but take the time to learn what my baby likes. She is an experienced mother but not perfect. She does a lot of things wrong and has given me horrible advice. I once watched her feed Maddie a bottle. she was FORCE FEEDING maddie. i was horrified. She kept the bottle in her mouth...and when maddie started squirming (her cue that she needs a burp), this person just bounced maddie and kept pushing the nipple into her mouth, saying "shh shh shh" the whole time. it was only when maddie sarted crying and turning her head violently that she stopped and i told her she needed to be burped. maddie didnt finish the whole bottle but i knew she was full and was going to eat a few hours later for bedtime anyway...but jae walks into the room, looks at the bottle and goes "thats all she ate? she usually eats more". well cue this person to grab the bottle again and force feed maddie AGAIN. maddie is squirming and she is trying to keep the nipple into her mouth. I finally say " shes had enough, shes not hungry". she ignores me and keeps forcing maddie to eat. I was getting pissed. finally, maddie starts crying again and she stops.
WHAT THE FUCK?
this is why i dont want anyone else touching my baby but ME. this person has a few kids...but i do not appreciate the way she treats my kid. you'd think that you could trust someone with experience, right? but what ive found is that i cant trust no one. everyone raises their kids different (FYI her kids are FAT and i have no doubt this is bc she force feeds them) and experience or not, not everyone does things the same.
Let me expand on this... jaes sisters both tell me to put cetaphil on maddies face for her excema (her first few months of life). The doctor also told me, eucerin or cetaphil. I didnt have time to run out and get it...so my SIL told me she would bring me some. great.
the first night i use it, i notice it was kind of sticky and clear. I didnt remember cetaphil to look like that but the last time i had used it was when Lauren was a baby so i figured things had changed. Anyway, i wipe it on maddies face every night for like a month. One day, i decide to actually READ the freaking bottle and its facial cleanser. you know, like soap - the shit you wipe on and need to WASH OFF. so i was kicking myself for not noticing earlier but also wondering why the fuck his sister gave me this shit. I figured she bought the wrong bottle.
The next time i saw her, i was laughing about it and told her the story - totally thinking she bought the wrong bottle. she looks at me with serious face and says "yeah, thats the right stuff". im like "its facial cleanser"...shes like "youre supposed to put it on with a cotton ball, not your fingers". ok, i dont know what difference that makes but whatever. i know deep down, this shit is not the right thing for babys excema. jae ran out and bought the cetaphil lotion right away and that worked better.
Fast forward another month and jaes OTHER sister comments on how maddies skin got so much clearer. Jae chimes in and says "yeah, after we used the RIGHT stuff"...he proceeds to tell her the story and guess what she says? she says "yeah, thats the right one to use." refering to the facial cleanser. i couldnt believe these people. at least she said "yeah put it on with a cotton ball and wash it off".... the other one told me to use it like a lotion.
ok, i know im a first time mother but how does putting facial cleanser on make ANY SENSE WHATSOEVER? this just goes to show how info gets passed from person to person even if its wrong. Both of these mothers clearly shared info and it was clearly wrong but neither had the smarts enough to change it. Now, they try to pass it on to me. who knows how many other mothers are doing what they've suggested.
Anyway, we use the lotion and its much better for her skin. Friggin facial cleansER! I was wondering why it was so sticky and gel-like. I trusted her to know....and didnt bother to check the bottle. This is why i dont trust anyone anymore!
Thursday, November 11, 2010
19 weeks
just about 19 weeks now.
we had a good day today. we took maddie to toys r us to buy a bday gift for cousin jake. she sat in the carseat like a good girl and then in the stroller all throughout the store. and then didnt cry on the way home. yay! well, i re-introduced the paci to her, so that kept her occupied during the whole time we were out. whatever works....
she is really getting so funny. her new thing is to take herself off my boob, throw her head back and look at the world upside down. its so cute, and i get to play with her cheeks while she does this.
i am having trouble finding things to occupy her time. play mat, exersaucer, jumparoo. all redundant day in and day out. i did take her for a walk today to the bank...but that got interrupted by a call from my boss.
which leads to why i hate working from home with a baby... here we are, a nice day outside. maddie is being good, and im walking home from the bank. my boss calls and says hes on the phone with a sales rep and do i have time for a conference call right now. i tell him i am just a block from my house...he says, ok call me back.
i literally run home with the stroller. get the baby out of the seat, drag the stroller into the house. run upstairs, take off my jacket and her jacket and hat and throw her on the playmat and hope shes ok. i call him back. he says "oh we just hung up...he going to call me back with some info and then ill call you".
shit! shes due for a nap in about 45 minutes. if he calls when i need to put her down, i dont know what im going to do. he calls back 20 minutes later. maddie is starting to get fussy. i first put her on the playmat, while on speakerphone. she starts to whine. i pick her up and put her in the exersaucer. still on the phone, trying to take notes.
she starts to whine. i pick her up and carry her in one arm, taking notes in the other. my boss wants me to look something up on the computer. fack! i am still carrying her, looking something up on the computer with one hand. my arms starts to get tried, so i put her back in the exersaucer...towards the stuff that doesnt make any sound or music.
she starts to whine. crap. i pick her back up and continue to bounce her while taking notes (horrible, messy ones now), while still trying to maintain a conversation. i can tell my boss is not happy. he keeps saying "right, jess?" and "well, jess would know the answer to that..." encouraging me to talk...
finally, i see maddie actually start to fall asleep. hallelujah! thank you for the best baby in the world. i dont need to go into her room and put her to sleep in the crib. but my arm is still hurting. she is a heavy baby to be holding with one arm for such a long time. the conference call ends....but my boss says "jess, i'll call you right back"
i continue to bounce her while he calls me back and bitches about nothing that has to do with the conference call. he goes on and on rambling....finally, he lets me go and i put the baby down in the crib. my arm was NUMB. well, 15 mins later, she woke up so i had to carry her for the rest of her nap anyway. but still...i dont like working from home with the baby. i feel awfully guilty for neglecting her...and i really want to give her 100%. but at the end of the day, i know i am incredibly lucky to both be earning income and to be home with my baby.
in any case, maddie was just so good today and i am so thankful for such a beautiful, sweet baby. tonight, before i put her down for bed, i told her i loved her so much...she was the best thing that ever happened to me...and that i hoped she would always be happy, healthy and safe. she was totally asleep but i hope someday she will hear and understand those words.
on a total sidenote, I gained weight! I am now 13 lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight. This bites. I really need to quit the take out and start cooking. Or exercising. Neither of them sound particularly interesting at this point in time. sigh.
we had a good day today. we took maddie to toys r us to buy a bday gift for cousin jake. she sat in the carseat like a good girl and then in the stroller all throughout the store. and then didnt cry on the way home. yay! well, i re-introduced the paci to her, so that kept her occupied during the whole time we were out. whatever works....
she is really getting so funny. her new thing is to take herself off my boob, throw her head back and look at the world upside down. its so cute, and i get to play with her cheeks while she does this.
i am having trouble finding things to occupy her time. play mat, exersaucer, jumparoo. all redundant day in and day out. i did take her for a walk today to the bank...but that got interrupted by a call from my boss.
which leads to why i hate working from home with a baby... here we are, a nice day outside. maddie is being good, and im walking home from the bank. my boss calls and says hes on the phone with a sales rep and do i have time for a conference call right now. i tell him i am just a block from my house...he says, ok call me back.
i literally run home with the stroller. get the baby out of the seat, drag the stroller into the house. run upstairs, take off my jacket and her jacket and hat and throw her on the playmat and hope shes ok. i call him back. he says "oh we just hung up...he going to call me back with some info and then ill call you".
shit! shes due for a nap in about 45 minutes. if he calls when i need to put her down, i dont know what im going to do. he calls back 20 minutes later. maddie is starting to get fussy. i first put her on the playmat, while on speakerphone. she starts to whine. i pick her up and put her in the exersaucer. still on the phone, trying to take notes.
she starts to whine. i pick her up and carry her in one arm, taking notes in the other. my boss wants me to look something up on the computer. fack! i am still carrying her, looking something up on the computer with one hand. my arms starts to get tried, so i put her back in the exersaucer...towards the stuff that doesnt make any sound or music.
she starts to whine. crap. i pick her back up and continue to bounce her while taking notes (horrible, messy ones now), while still trying to maintain a conversation. i can tell my boss is not happy. he keeps saying "right, jess?" and "well, jess would know the answer to that..." encouraging me to talk...
finally, i see maddie actually start to fall asleep. hallelujah! thank you for the best baby in the world. i dont need to go into her room and put her to sleep in the crib. but my arm is still hurting. she is a heavy baby to be holding with one arm for such a long time. the conference call ends....but my boss says "jess, i'll call you right back"
i continue to bounce her while he calls me back and bitches about nothing that has to do with the conference call. he goes on and on rambling....finally, he lets me go and i put the baby down in the crib. my arm was NUMB. well, 15 mins later, she woke up so i had to carry her for the rest of her nap anyway. but still...i dont like working from home with the baby. i feel awfully guilty for neglecting her...and i really want to give her 100%. but at the end of the day, i know i am incredibly lucky to both be earning income and to be home with my baby.
in any case, maddie was just so good today and i am so thankful for such a beautiful, sweet baby. tonight, before i put her down for bed, i told her i loved her so much...she was the best thing that ever happened to me...and that i hoped she would always be happy, healthy and safe. she was totally asleep but i hope someday she will hear and understand those words.
on a total sidenote, I gained weight! I am now 13 lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight. This bites. I really need to quit the take out and start cooking. Or exercising. Neither of them sound particularly interesting at this point in time. sigh.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
I have a new plan. from now on, im going to try to do something productive whenever maddie naps. I'm tired of spending her naptimes eating and catching up on DVR and emailing and facebooking. I need to learn how to manage my time better.
So today, during her first nap, I cleaned up our bedroom. I dusted everything and just tidied everything up. ICleaned off all her toys. I also want to note that i vacuumed the entire upstairs while holding maddie when she was awake.
During her 2nd nap, I steam mopped the kitchen and family room and tidied up the kitchen. i also wiped down all her toys downstairs. I Want to try to do this everyday.
During her 3rd nap, I.... ummm... shopped online for her. Ok, not quite productive this naptime.
I am going to make a list of all the things i could be doing....I will spend half hour doing one of these things and the rest of her naptime doing something lazy like watching TV.
So today, during her first nap, I cleaned up our bedroom. I dusted everything and just tidied everything up. ICleaned off all her toys. I also want to note that i vacuumed the entire upstairs while holding maddie when she was awake.
During her 2nd nap, I steam mopped the kitchen and family room and tidied up the kitchen. i also wiped down all her toys downstairs. I Want to try to do this everyday.
During her 3rd nap, I.... ummm... shopped online for her. Ok, not quite productive this naptime.
I am going to make a list of all the things i could be doing....I will spend half hour doing one of these things and the rest of her naptime doing something lazy like watching TV.
Monday, November 8, 2010
maddie is talking like crazy now!! she is a big chatterbox. talks to herself, to me or Jae...even talks when shes on the boob. its hilarious.
she also has stranger anxiety. i read that it hits babies at 4 months and maddie was right on track for this one. she cries when she sees someone other than me or jae =(
daylight savings hit us hard. it was my fault though. i gave her an extra nap for 2 days to see if i could extend her sleeptime. she woke up early both nights like 4:45 am. i nursed her at those times which probably started a bad habit. this morning she was up at 3:45 am. she goes back to sleep eventually, waking up at 6:30 (the old 7:30) so it hasnt been TOO bad. but i do want her to stop these night wakings. I have been giving in to her bc she has been sick last week and also daylight savings so i felt bad.
Her sleep has been weird...today she actually fell asleep on the playmat, by herself. The crinkly stuff kept her stirring though. She also had been taking 2 hour naps in my laps for 2 days in a row. And today, she went down for a nap at 3pm and slept for 5 minutes! so needless to say, since between 1:20 and 6:20, she slept for 5 minutes, she was cranky. at 5:30 i gave her a bath and tried to extend that and also the feeding time and she finally went down at 6:20. sigh. i still want to get her back to her old 7pm sleeptime. we shall see what happens this week.
in better news, her cold is finally better. she rarely has runny nose now and i only have to aspirate her maybe twice a day now.
she also has stranger anxiety. i read that it hits babies at 4 months and maddie was right on track for this one. she cries when she sees someone other than me or jae =(
daylight savings hit us hard. it was my fault though. i gave her an extra nap for 2 days to see if i could extend her sleeptime. she woke up early both nights like 4:45 am. i nursed her at those times which probably started a bad habit. this morning she was up at 3:45 am. she goes back to sleep eventually, waking up at 6:30 (the old 7:30) so it hasnt been TOO bad. but i do want her to stop these night wakings. I have been giving in to her bc she has been sick last week and also daylight savings so i felt bad.
Her sleep has been weird...today she actually fell asleep on the playmat, by herself. The crinkly stuff kept her stirring though. She also had been taking 2 hour naps in my laps for 2 days in a row. And today, she went down for a nap at 3pm and slept for 5 minutes! so needless to say, since between 1:20 and 6:20, she slept for 5 minutes, she was cranky. at 5:30 i gave her a bath and tried to extend that and also the feeding time and she finally went down at 6:20. sigh. i still want to get her back to her old 7pm sleeptime. we shall see what happens this week.
in better news, her cold is finally better. she rarely has runny nose now and i only have to aspirate her maybe twice a day now.
maddie is talking like crazy now!! she is a big chatterbox. talks to herself, to me or Jae...even talks when shes on the boob. its hilarious.
she also has stranger anxiety. i read that it hits babies at 4 months and maddie was right on track for this one. she cries when she sees someone other than me or jae =(
daylight savings hit us hard. it was my fault though. i gave her an extra nap for 2 days to see if i could extend her sleeptime. she woke up early both nights like 4:45 am. i nursed her at those times which probably started a bad habit. this morning she was up at 3:45 am. she goes back to sleep eventually, waking up at 6:30 (the old 7:30) so it hasnt been TOO bad. but i do want her to stop these night wakings. I have been giving in to her bc she has been sick last week and also daylight savings so i felt bad.
Her sleep has been weird...today she actually fell asleep on the playmat, by herself. The crinkly stuff kept her stirring though. She also had been taking 2 hour naps in my laps for 2 days in a row. And today, she went down for a nap at 3pm and slept for 5 minutes! so needless to say, since between 1:20 and 6:20, she slept for 5 minutes, she was cranky. at 5:30 i gave her a bath and tried to extend that and also the feeding time and she finally went down at 6:20. sigh. i still want to get her back to her old 7pm sleeptime. we shall see what happens this week.
in better news, her cold is finally better. she rarely has runny nose now and i only have to aspirate her maybe twice a day now.
she also has stranger anxiety. i read that it hits babies at 4 months and maddie was right on track for this one. she cries when she sees someone other than me or jae =(
daylight savings hit us hard. it was my fault though. i gave her an extra nap for 2 days to see if i could extend her sleeptime. she woke up early both nights like 4:45 am. i nursed her at those times which probably started a bad habit. this morning she was up at 3:45 am. she goes back to sleep eventually, waking up at 6:30 (the old 7:30) so it hasnt been TOO bad. but i do want her to stop these night wakings. I have been giving in to her bc she has been sick last week and also daylight savings so i felt bad.
Her sleep has been weird...today she actually fell asleep on the playmat, by herself. The crinkly stuff kept her stirring though. She also had been taking 2 hour naps in my laps for 2 days in a row. And today, she went down for a nap at 3pm and slept for 5 minutes! so needless to say, since between 1:20 and 6:20, she slept for 5 minutes, she was cranky. at 5:30 i gave her a bath and tried to extend that and also the feeding time and she finally went down at 6:20. sigh. i still want to get her back to her old 7pm sleeptime. we shall see what happens this week.
in better news, her cold is finally better. she rarely has runny nose now and i only have to aspirate her maybe twice a day now.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
4 months
My Maddie moo is 4 months old. That sounds so old. Where did the time go? The past month has been the best so far. She started sleeping better and her personality really flourished.
She is drooling like nuts. We soak through 3-4 bibs a day. Laundry is ridic. Her hands are always in her mouth, sometimes both at the same time. She likes chomping on her fingers. She can pull things into her mouth as well so we have to be a bit more careful now.
Her eye hand coordination is getting better. I sat her up on our bathroom sink the other day and she swatted at the bottles and got them to fall over.
She got her first cold and fever on halloween. So sad. I first noticed her nose was wet, a lot of mucus. She would sneeze a lot and mucus would come out. She seemed fine though. Towards nightime, we noticed she was getting warm, took her temp and got a reading of 101. poor baby. Of course as the newbie parents, we called the ped twice and freaked out, constantly cuddling and hugging her and saying "oh my god, my poor baby is sick. get better maddie. please get better". LOL. so that same night, i am not feeling well either. Jae takes my temp and i have a fever of 100. sigh. that was rough. but the next morning both of our fevers broke and maddie's nose started to dry up. Bummed she missed her halloween but thankful she is healthy again.
I love love love her giggle and squeal. Its heart melting. She is so sweet.
4 month stats
15.5 lbs (87%)
26.25" tall (97%)
16" head (50%) - so did not inherit jaes big korean head....
We can start solids in a few weeks!
She is drooling like nuts. We soak through 3-4 bibs a day. Laundry is ridic. Her hands are always in her mouth, sometimes both at the same time. She likes chomping on her fingers. She can pull things into her mouth as well so we have to be a bit more careful now.
Her eye hand coordination is getting better. I sat her up on our bathroom sink the other day and she swatted at the bottles and got them to fall over.
She got her first cold and fever on halloween. So sad. I first noticed her nose was wet, a lot of mucus. She would sneeze a lot and mucus would come out. She seemed fine though. Towards nightime, we noticed she was getting warm, took her temp and got a reading of 101. poor baby. Of course as the newbie parents, we called the ped twice and freaked out, constantly cuddling and hugging her and saying "oh my god, my poor baby is sick. get better maddie. please get better". LOL. so that same night, i am not feeling well either. Jae takes my temp and i have a fever of 100. sigh. that was rough. but the next morning both of our fevers broke and maddie's nose started to dry up. Bummed she missed her halloween but thankful she is healthy again.
I love love love her giggle and squeal. Its heart melting. She is so sweet.
4 month stats
15.5 lbs (87%)
26.25" tall (97%)
16" head (50%) - so did not inherit jaes big korean head....
We can start solids in a few weeks!
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Yesterday we had a cardiologist appointment and we got good news. Maddie's hole shrunk! She had an echo done and the hole is still there but its very small now. We have to go back in 4 months. Maddie started fussing during the echo even though baby einstein was playing so we gave her a bottle while the test was being done.
Today i also drove out with her for the first time. It was just to the supermarket but i wanted to document it anyway. She didnt cry...so thats good. I think if she were good in the car seat, i would have done this a lot sooner. But I dont know why she cant be one of those kids that just fall asleep anywhere....oh wells, cant have a perfect baby.
Just realized that next week will be my mom's 1 year passing. One year already? Hard to believe. Hard to swallow. I dont even know the exact date. I seemed to have blocked it out of my mind. If i had to guess, id say it was the 4th. I still can't watch a show with hospital scenes like House or Grey's Anatomy without getting flashbacks of that day. I can't listen to those heart monitors with the beeping without remembering what those monitors sound like once the heart stops.
I dread losing another family member. Its bound to happen some day. Maybe one year from now, maybe 10, 20 or 30 years from now. Either way it sucks. And because of this, I want to hold Maddie so close and tight. I want her to stay a baby forever. All innocent and pure. Not subjected to any harm. I get annoyed when we're out and she breathes in cigarette smoke or car fumes. I just want her the perfect little baby she is, with no poisons entering her body. I want her skin to stay milky white and smooth. I Want her smile to always be happy and unjaded. I want to keep her safe....I want to keep her in my arms. I can't let anything happen to her.
Today she started touching my shirt as she breastfed. She now runs her fingers along the fabric, feeling this new texture. She runs her fingers back and forth inside the creases my shirt makes. Sometimes she lifts the creases, or grabs my collar and pulls the shirt down. So darned cute. So curious, so innocent. Wish I could stop time and stand still for just a few minutes longer.
Today i also drove out with her for the first time. It was just to the supermarket but i wanted to document it anyway. She didnt cry...so thats good. I think if she were good in the car seat, i would have done this a lot sooner. But I dont know why she cant be one of those kids that just fall asleep anywhere....oh wells, cant have a perfect baby.
Just realized that next week will be my mom's 1 year passing. One year already? Hard to believe. Hard to swallow. I dont even know the exact date. I seemed to have blocked it out of my mind. If i had to guess, id say it was the 4th. I still can't watch a show with hospital scenes like House or Grey's Anatomy without getting flashbacks of that day. I can't listen to those heart monitors with the beeping without remembering what those monitors sound like once the heart stops.
I dread losing another family member. Its bound to happen some day. Maybe one year from now, maybe 10, 20 or 30 years from now. Either way it sucks. And because of this, I want to hold Maddie so close and tight. I want her to stay a baby forever. All innocent and pure. Not subjected to any harm. I get annoyed when we're out and she breathes in cigarette smoke or car fumes. I just want her the perfect little baby she is, with no poisons entering her body. I want her skin to stay milky white and smooth. I Want her smile to always be happy and unjaded. I want to keep her safe....I want to keep her in my arms. I can't let anything happen to her.
Today she started touching my shirt as she breastfed. She now runs her fingers along the fabric, feeling this new texture. She runs her fingers back and forth inside the creases my shirt makes. Sometimes she lifts the creases, or grabs my collar and pulls the shirt down. So darned cute. So curious, so innocent. Wish I could stop time and stand still for just a few minutes longer.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
so in conjunction with my earlier post, i decided to take maddie out for a walk today. it was getting close to her nap time bt i said, lets just see what happens...maybe she will nap in the stroller. well she didnt. she fussed and tried to get out and started to cry. ok fine, we'll go home. on the way home, she was crying and crying....right when we got to the house, she started sucking her thumb, so i told jae, lets keep driving, maybe she will fall asleep in the carseat. but she didnt. she took her thumb out and stayed awake talking to herself. sigh.
so fine, we head home. i tried to put her down for her nap and she cried for 30 minutes by herself. i finally head in and tried rocking her to sleep. she cried and cried and shriked and cried and cried until jae came up from downstairs seeing what the hell was wrong with her. i couldnt take it anymore and passed her to him. he finally put her to sleep about 15 minutes later.
And that, my friends, is why parents are such sticklers about schedules and naptimes. one nap missed for that particular child can mean disaster for the parents AND child. so much for me letting go of the schedule. todays situation doesnt help the cause one bit.
so fine, we head home. i tried to put her down for her nap and she cried for 30 minutes by herself. i finally head in and tried rocking her to sleep. she cried and cried and shriked and cried and cried until jae came up from downstairs seeing what the hell was wrong with her. i couldnt take it anymore and passed her to him. he finally put her to sleep about 15 minutes later.
And that, my friends, is why parents are such sticklers about schedules and naptimes. one nap missed for that particular child can mean disaster for the parents AND child. so much for me letting go of the schedule. todays situation doesnt help the cause one bit.
Maddie is so funny these days. Shes into touching faces now. She feels around our faces and starts laughing. Such a curious baby.
She is also starting to put things into her mouth. I think shes teething. This morning, I rubbed my face against hers and she totally stuck her tongue in my mouth! Gross but i couldnt help but crack up.
Today her naps are long! 1 2-hour nap in the morning and she is on her 2nd nap and going for an hour now. I managed to throw some food in the crock pot for dinner tonight! My first cooked meal in a looooong time.
Took her for a walk to the bank and she didnt cry. hooray! i think the trick is to take her when shes not tired. i think we always take her out aft her 4 pm bottle and shes too tired to handle the carseat/stroller.
Gearing up for the holidays. Already purchsaed some holidays outfits for her...I cant wait till christmas time. I think she will be so different by then...nearly 6 months. Its so weird thinking of a christmas list for her!
Totally need a hair cut. the post partum hair loss is WICKED! I should have saved all the hair i can pull out bc i totally could have made a wig. My shower has been sort of clogged for a few weeks now! Its so gross and heard this could last until maddie is about 6 or 7 months!
I am really trying to let go of my control issues. I feel like i am the only mom who doesnt veer from my babys schedule and doesnt go to many places "until shes older". Maybe now that her schedule is getting a but more organized, I can let go a bit. But sometimes, all i can think about is how i dont want to handle putting her to sleep while im out during her nap time or how things conflict with her eating or sleeping times. It has been such an adjustment for me combining regular life and baby life.
She is also starting to put things into her mouth. I think shes teething. This morning, I rubbed my face against hers and she totally stuck her tongue in my mouth! Gross but i couldnt help but crack up.
Today her naps are long! 1 2-hour nap in the morning and she is on her 2nd nap and going for an hour now. I managed to throw some food in the crock pot for dinner tonight! My first cooked meal in a looooong time.
Took her for a walk to the bank and she didnt cry. hooray! i think the trick is to take her when shes not tired. i think we always take her out aft her 4 pm bottle and shes too tired to handle the carseat/stroller.
Gearing up for the holidays. Already purchsaed some holidays outfits for her...I cant wait till christmas time. I think she will be so different by then...nearly 6 months. Its so weird thinking of a christmas list for her!
Totally need a hair cut. the post partum hair loss is WICKED! I should have saved all the hair i can pull out bc i totally could have made a wig. My shower has been sort of clogged for a few weeks now! Its so gross and heard this could last until maddie is about 6 or 7 months!
I am really trying to let go of my control issues. I feel like i am the only mom who doesnt veer from my babys schedule and doesnt go to many places "until shes older". Maybe now that her schedule is getting a but more organized, I can let go a bit. But sometimes, all i can think about is how i dont want to handle putting her to sleep while im out during her nap time or how things conflict with her eating or sleeping times. It has been such an adjustment for me combining regular life and baby life.
Monday, October 25, 2010
I think Maddie is in a naptime transition. She is fighting naps more and more. Sometimes she will take a longer nap, other times shorter. Sometimes she takes an evening nap, sometimes she wont. yesterday she didnt nap from 2:30pm on. We gave her an earlier bedtime but still, thats quite a long time for a baby to be awake. Anyway, I think she is going through a transition stage. I believe at about 4 months, babies start to consolidate and lengthen naps and also their periods of wakefulness increase. I never have a problem putting her down for naps, but for the past few days, she will look tired, suck her thumb and be sleepy in my arms but once shes put down, shes awake and whining. She used to just go straight to sleep. I guess I will let her sort this out on her own...
the other problem may be that jae was sick, then i got sick and maybe i passed it onto the baby. I had chills, and a slight fever this weeeknd. I slept all day yesterday so feel much better today but I'm wondering if i passed something onto the baby.
I hate not knowing whats wrong with my baby.
the other problem may be that jae was sick, then i got sick and maybe i passed it onto the baby. I had chills, and a slight fever this weeeknd. I slept all day yesterday so feel much better today but I'm wondering if i passed something onto the baby.
I hate not knowing whats wrong with my baby.
Friday, October 22, 2010
We have a big problem. Maddie still hates the carseat. Its getting worse too....she is crying at the top of her lungs...crying so hard she can't breathe. thrashing her fists on the carseat. It's torture sitting in the car with her. We're not even going far...maybe a 10 minute drive. I dont know whats wrong. We thought maybe her puffy jacket was making her uncomfortable, so we removed the jacket. We thought maybe her car seat was getting too small for her, so we switched her to the convertible car seat. We tried everything and she still hates it. I Can only guess she either hates to be strapped in or she hates moving backwards. Sigh....we take her out everyday just to try to get her used to it but its not helping in the least. I feel so bad cuz she is not even a crier to begin with. I feel like when we purposely take her out, we are purposely upsetting her.
10/19 switched to big girl car seat
10/22 switched to big girl stroller seat
Today we decided to take her for a walk. We switched to the big girl stroller seat in case she was just too small for the old car seat which was placed on top of the stroller. She still cried. Not for too long...but she cried and looked uncomfortable. Not sure what the problem is but i would love to have this cleared up asap. I feel like we can't go anywhere or do anything. Car rides with her are torturous. This is the reason why i havent even driven by myself with her. I dont think i could take the crying on my own. Serioulsy, its so loud jae and i cant even talk to one another or we'd be shouting. we just sit there, listening to her wail, waiting for the car ride to end.
Anyway, maddie seems to be staying up a bit longer between naps these days. Today she did a stretch of 2.5 hours without being too fussy. shes usually asleep about an hour and a half after she wakes. This would be great cuz then we could take her more places and stay out for longer.
Shes getting super cute....i love spending time with her when shes happy. Shes such a good baby, aside from her fussy times. I guess since shes usually so happy, its hard for me to understand her when shes fussy. Its also hard to deal with a fussy baby, when you also have to work, pay bills, throw a load of laundry in, find time to eat and pee in between it all, all while carrying her bc she wont let you put her down. I understand, shes a baby...but its annoying and hard on me because im not used to it. My brother always says "shes just a baby" as if that justifies it. I dont believe it does. Yes, she is a baby but that doesnt make it right. I know a lot of people like my brother - people who dont speak from experience but think they know the answer. I was probably one of those people. BUT what i can say, its a whole different story when youre on the other side.
I still remember when i told my brother that Maddie was growing by leaps and bounds and i asked the pediatrician if she was going to be obese as an adult. My brother scoffed and called me ignorant. First, it was a joke....but secondly, im not sure why that was so ignorant. Poor adult habits can stem from when they are newborns. For eaxample, if a baby does not learn proper self soothing skills for sleep as babies, as adults, they often have a type of insomnia. In more severe cases, this actually can turn into mental illness. Seriously! Also, there is a correlation between bottle fed babies and weight. They tend to be more overweight as adults. Why? Because the bottle is a quick meal. They dont need to work to eat, they get food fast, and they dont learn how to stop when they are full. Breastfed babies work to eat, when they are full, they stop (when the hindmilk comes in is their trigger), and they learn to eat small meals throughout the day. When I asked my pediatrician about maddie's weight, i just wanted to make sure she was okay. And in my defense, after he said this, literally the next day I read an article in PArents magazine entitled "Is your baby too big" and they went on to say "Children who were overweight or obese at age 10 began gaining excess pounds when they were, on average, only 3 months old and more than half of them were overweight by their second birthday". Umm hello brother! All i can say is, when he has a baby....he will know. And then i'll be the one scoffing!
Motherhood is hard. Rewarding, yes, but hard. I also find it sometimes to be very lonely. I mean that in a way where theres no one i can trust but myself. I find that other mothers often give me wrong advice. Mothers of 1, or 3 doesnt matter - i have received ill advice from all of them. The only person i can trust is myself to do whats right for my own child. What works for one person, doesnt work for another, so its up to me to find the right answer. I also never comment on another persons child. For example, my friends baby is 7 months and he still wakes up 3 times a night to eat. I know for a fact that boy is not hungry and is only waking out of habit. But I would never say anything to my friend...its not my business. But should I? I could totally help her...i could give her step by step instructions on how to get him to sleep through the night....but i still dont feel this is my place to say anything to her. This is her 2nd kid too... and not for nothing, but i've heard her say some totally incorrect things about birth and motherhood. But im sure she believes she is doing the right thing, and its not my place to interfere with that. Like I say "you worry about you, i worry about me". Anyway, this post was all over the place...sort of like my life right about now. It's a messy chaos but its also a fun chaos as well.
10/19 switched to big girl car seat
10/22 switched to big girl stroller seat
Today we decided to take her for a walk. We switched to the big girl stroller seat in case she was just too small for the old car seat which was placed on top of the stroller. She still cried. Not for too long...but she cried and looked uncomfortable. Not sure what the problem is but i would love to have this cleared up asap. I feel like we can't go anywhere or do anything. Car rides with her are torturous. This is the reason why i havent even driven by myself with her. I dont think i could take the crying on my own. Serioulsy, its so loud jae and i cant even talk to one another or we'd be shouting. we just sit there, listening to her wail, waiting for the car ride to end.
Anyway, maddie seems to be staying up a bit longer between naps these days. Today she did a stretch of 2.5 hours without being too fussy. shes usually asleep about an hour and a half after she wakes. This would be great cuz then we could take her more places and stay out for longer.
Shes getting super cute....i love spending time with her when shes happy. Shes such a good baby, aside from her fussy times. I guess since shes usually so happy, its hard for me to understand her when shes fussy. Its also hard to deal with a fussy baby, when you also have to work, pay bills, throw a load of laundry in, find time to eat and pee in between it all, all while carrying her bc she wont let you put her down. I understand, shes a baby...but its annoying and hard on me because im not used to it. My brother always says "shes just a baby" as if that justifies it. I dont believe it does. Yes, she is a baby but that doesnt make it right. I know a lot of people like my brother - people who dont speak from experience but think they know the answer. I was probably one of those people. BUT what i can say, its a whole different story when youre on the other side.
I still remember when i told my brother that Maddie was growing by leaps and bounds and i asked the pediatrician if she was going to be obese as an adult. My brother scoffed and called me ignorant. First, it was a joke....but secondly, im not sure why that was so ignorant. Poor adult habits can stem from when they are newborns. For eaxample, if a baby does not learn proper self soothing skills for sleep as babies, as adults, they often have a type of insomnia. In more severe cases, this actually can turn into mental illness. Seriously! Also, there is a correlation between bottle fed babies and weight. They tend to be more overweight as adults. Why? Because the bottle is a quick meal. They dont need to work to eat, they get food fast, and they dont learn how to stop when they are full. Breastfed babies work to eat, when they are full, they stop (when the hindmilk comes in is their trigger), and they learn to eat small meals throughout the day. When I asked my pediatrician about maddie's weight, i just wanted to make sure she was okay. And in my defense, after he said this, literally the next day I read an article in PArents magazine entitled "Is your baby too big" and they went on to say "Children who were overweight or obese at age 10 began gaining excess pounds when they were, on average, only 3 months old and more than half of them were overweight by their second birthday". Umm hello brother! All i can say is, when he has a baby....he will know. And then i'll be the one scoffing!
Motherhood is hard. Rewarding, yes, but hard. I also find it sometimes to be very lonely. I mean that in a way where theres no one i can trust but myself. I find that other mothers often give me wrong advice. Mothers of 1, or 3 doesnt matter - i have received ill advice from all of them. The only person i can trust is myself to do whats right for my own child. What works for one person, doesnt work for another, so its up to me to find the right answer. I also never comment on another persons child. For example, my friends baby is 7 months and he still wakes up 3 times a night to eat. I know for a fact that boy is not hungry and is only waking out of habit. But I would never say anything to my friend...its not my business. But should I? I could totally help her...i could give her step by step instructions on how to get him to sleep through the night....but i still dont feel this is my place to say anything to her. This is her 2nd kid too... and not for nothing, but i've heard her say some totally incorrect things about birth and motherhood. But im sure she believes she is doing the right thing, and its not my place to interfere with that. Like I say "you worry about you, i worry about me". Anyway, this post was all over the place...sort of like my life right about now. It's a messy chaos but its also a fun chaos as well.
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