My last post of 2010. And it will be about....teething!

In one word,this sucks. This totally brings me back to the newborn days....the crying (Maddie is not a big crier, so this is an obvious change in our household), the early morning wake ups (today it was at 4:50am...did not go back to bed till 6m), and the insecurities of not knowing what to do. Why so many uncertainties?

1. While it could be teething, it could also not.... I know we are expecting a tooth but a tooth sometimes doesn't cut for weeks, sometimes months! I'm pretty sure it is, but I can't say with positivity... therefore, I am always unsure about medicating her. I hate to medicate to begin with, but if she is really uncomfortable and cant sleep, i dont mind giving her something to take the edge off. However, if she is not teething or in pain, then why give her a dropper full of tylenol every 4 hours?

2. Starting bad habits - For the past 5 nights, when she cries, I go in and pick her up and soothe her. Last night I actually nursed her back to sleep. Babies pick up bad habits QUICK. She will soon learn to just cry out even though shes not in pain because she has learned I will come in and get her. I try to let her cry for a bit, but since she has been such a great night sleeper in the past, I have been going in to help her. I figure it has to be something wrong if shes crying. However, if i keep this up, I can't be sure anymore. So what to do... i dont know if i can wait till the tooth cuts to stop. It might take weeks.

On a sidenote, excessive drooling and putting their hands in their mouth are not signs of teething (something babies will do starting at 3 months). These are natural occurances for any baby, and part of the maturing process. But when they are teething, there becomes an obvious difference. When they cry, they make the "im in pain cry". Not only is she putting her hands in her mouth but she is chomping down on them. She will chomp down on anything, and when she does her whole body sort of shakes, as if shes trying to bite harder to get relief. She rubs her tongue on her gums or makes sucking noises. And if you thought the drooling was bad before, its like a faucet now. We go through at least 8-10 bibs a day and thats sort of reusing them after they've dried.

Anyway, last night, she woke up at 4:50 am. crying. if she does wake up, she puts herself back to sleep but she was crying and didnt seem like she was going back. So i went in. I really didnt want to medicate (we already gave her tylenol and orajel when she went to bed), so i nursed her. She didnt fall asleep but she was calm, so I put her back in the crib. She cried for like 5 minutes and then fell asleep. By the time she fell asleep, it was 6am. I was so tired....she woke up 40 minutes later.

As i was nursing her, I couldnt help but to think - OMG this is why i would not want anymore children. I was never one who was good on no sleep. Sleep deprivation is my kyptonite. As I was sitting in the rocker, half asleep, I was thinking "I really hate this. I hate the changes babies make. She was such a great night sleeper...and I think I'm ruining it by nursing her right now. I can't imagine going through this again". I really felt like she was a newborn again. I remember I would nurse her at night...and she would fall asleep at the boob. And this is what would go through my brain over and over again - "should i move her to the crib? What if i wake her? I think I'll just let her sleep here and ill just sleep sitting up in the rocker. No but then, this is bad, she needs to sleep on her own without me. But she also needs her sleep and if shes sleeping now, let her sleep. But wait, my back will be killing me when i wake up. God, im too old for this, and shes too old to be sleeping on me at night. But if I wake her, she might start crying and I know jae needs to go to work soon...should i just let her sleep?"... so eventually I would have to make a decision. I was back to that time last night. Eventually, I did move her.... I dont think I could sleep on the rocking chair again - I had done that many times when she was a baby and it wasnt fun. I thought to myself "i wish i had kids when i was younger... I think im getting too old for this".

I'm sure one day I will look back and not even remember last night but these are thoughts that go through my head when I'm having a rough day. I have a hard time with one.... how will i go through all this again? But of course, I go to get her this morning and she is soooo cute in her pink snowman pjs looking all soft and cuddly and squealing when she sees me that I just cant help but to dismiss what happened last night.

So, we will push on and take it day by day. Eventually I am pretty sure I will have to sleep train her all over again. But for now, I just want to make sure shes alright. We are semi-patiently waiting for these teeth to cut. And when it does, perhaps the photo of her smiling with little bunny teeth will make up for it. Speaking of teeth, I realized I forgot to brush my teeth yesterday. Gross.

So Happy New Year folks! Hoping 2011 is a great year for all. Including my little Maddie Moo.