todays my first day back into the office in over a month. overall i think it feels good. good to be doing something again, good to have fresh air again.

slowly we are going back to normal lives. friday we went out with some family in the city. we went to telephone bar and then had 16 handles for dessert. yum. saturday went back to the cemetery to pay some last respects. i looked down at the mound of dirt and thought "is she really under all that?" it was a sickening feeling. and then we went home early and cleaned up a bit. sunday was Jake's 3rd birthday so we went to my sister in laws house for lunch. it was also my dads bday so back to grandmas for dinner. today im back at work. i guess slowly, things are coming together again.

i miss my mom everyday... i will have to go through this pregnancy without her but at least i have tons of family to support and help me. i still look up into the sky and look for some sort of sign from her. i know shes here somewhere, everyday right alongside me. hi mom!!! the only thing i worry about is my grandparents. someone was always with them.... now a lot of us will just have to keep checking in on them. i'll be spending a lot more time in queens for sure. just hope they take care of themselves and that we find a good routine to fall into.

jae has become the pregnancy police. he wont let me eat anything...and is always constantly watching over me. reminds me of how he used to be when we first started dating haha. very protective and loving and 100% dedicated. yeah, that tapers off after 9 years HAHA. but hes back! thank you baby oh. heheh.

right now i am finding nutrition to be the hardest part of it all. i would usually order a salad out, or sushi. but i dont trust anything raw outside. i am having trouble knowing which kinds of fish to eat. and i am drinking a lot more juices now, like OJ and apple and i never did before. these are all extra calories i normally wouldn't have had. the other day i brought over 3 subway sandwiches to my grandmas for lunch for everyone. then realized, i cant eat it as is. so i had to heat up the cold cuts and toast the bread and all and it was a pain hehe. oh wells, we'll see. im sure as it goes on, i will get easier.

first sonogram thursday. yay! excited and yet nervous. wish us luck!