updates:

-Maddie can now use a straw. its pretty darned cute.

-I took Maddie on a walk to the bank today (gorgeous day!) and she fell asleep in the stroller! she did take a very short nap this morning so clearly she was tired but still, this is the FIRST time in her 7 months of existence. at least now i know it can be done.

-Maddies facial expressions are hilarious. sometimes while im cooking or whatever i look up and see her staring at me. she gets this semi-embarrassed look on her face like she just got caught. SO funny! little things like this just make me realize what a little person she is becoming.

- first allergic reaction. to what, i am still not sure. i gave her some pureed chicken soup with carrots celery and onions. i had nevr given celery or onions before so i assumed it was that. but then i made beef stew with potatoes, and other veggies she has had before and same rash in the same spots. then yesterday i gave her no meat, but she ate squash, green beans, carrots and peas. again, a reaction. the only thing they all have in common are carrots, but shes had carrots before and no reaction. weird. im wondering if its also the bread and stuff i giving her.

anyway, todays topic is something that has been bugging me since i became a mom. and its about those people who are not parents who want to make comments they know nothing about.

when you're not a parent, i think its very easy to pass judgement on those who are. ive done this so many times myself.

"wow, id never let my kid watch TV while eating"

"that kid has zero discipline. thats never going to happen with my kids"

"my kids will have manners"

"my kids are going to listen to me...not be bratty like that"

as a parent, you start with a blank slate, and you fully EXPECT to do SO many things.

"im going to breastfeed. everyone else i know did. and its the best for the baby"

"im not going to be one of those moms whos schedule revolves around babies sleep"

"im going to be one of those cool moms. not those moms with a stick up her ass"

"duh! a baby should be on a schedule...im definitely going to be doing this"

Its not so much the comments persay, but really the attitude. like, uhhh yeah, of course im doing that. really?

I dont think anyone can make comments until you've been there. ive been asked about sleep training and letting a baby cry it out. Some are so adamant about this being done AFTER 6 months, due to various issues i wont get into. but whos to say? since you never tried it prior to 6 months, how do you know? For the record, i did it at 3 months and it changed my life.

Breatfeeding...i think many people do expect to breastfeed and but there are many reasons for not being able to. You may have to be on medication, you go back to work and its too hard to keep up, just being overwhelming and stressful in general where in that case, its actually better for baby to NOT breastfeed, baby has a medical conditions where you need to monitor fluid intake... the list can go on and on.

Some people were surprised to hear neither of my sister in laws breastfed. I'm not sure why thats so shocking. Theres no shame in formula feeding if thats what you choose. For my younger sister in law, she gave birth over 10 years ago....back then, breastfeeding was not as "trendy" as it is now. The education level was horrible as well. You cannot possibly expect to breastfeed without having some sort of knowledge about it. People are much more equipped to handle it these days with all the info out there. Its not to say she didnt try, it just didnt work for her. Her youngest was also a preemie...and needed formula to supplement.

The older SIL couldnt handle the engorgement. For her, this was more painful than childbirth. For some, engorgement is just that painful. Or mastitis or a blocked duct. I was lucky in that engorgement never bothered me. in fact, it only took me 2 days to adjust to a 12 hour span of not pumping or feeding (when Maddie started sleeping through the night). For others, even going 2 hours creates a lot of pain.

After going through it, I honestly understand why some people give up on it. First of all, in the hospital, I had horrible lactation consultants. I was basically passed this new baby and left to fend on my own. I didnt feel I got any help whatsoever when i was in the hospital. Secondly, I had a tough time with it to be honest. I had wanted to give up a number of times but there were some personal issues that kept me going. I could totally understand though, why it would be difficult for some to keep up with.

So yes, there are many reasons why it may not be possible for you to do what you hope to do.

A babys Schedule. This is a big one. I think everyone hopes their baby can be on a schedule. Then when you actually have a kid of your own, its a whole new ballgame.
I find some people talk like this is so easy...its not. I find most people are the most confident about this...little do they know. They dont take a lot of factors into count here. Babys temperment, influence of outside caretakers etc. They think its just natural for a baby to be on schedule right? But what about one or both of the pArents having a 9-5 job and the babys bedtime becomes 6:30pm? I bet most people suddenly ditch the schedule they were so confident about giving so that the parents can have time to enjoy their baby in the evening time. I would do the same if I came home later.

The basic point is, you just never know until you're there. Just like when you start planning a wedding and suddenly you realize how much things cost and how much goes into planning one. You cant say much until you're there, right? I believe this is what makes the "mommy club" such a powerful one. Because you share these things that only you can possibly know.

oh and by the way, these ppl who love to comment before having a kid, are also the ones who TOUCH Pregnant bellies without asking. and then when they're pregnant, they get annoyed when someone else does the same thing.