Maddie is 7 months tomorrow!

As cute as she is, she has her bad moments. Currently she has:

- separation anxiety. THIS SUCKS. Once I leave a room she starts to cry. She used to be so independent. This really blows esp since I work from home.

- she learned to throw things. Anything you put in her hand, she chucks on the floor. Very annoying.

- lastly, her whining is just atrocious. I HATE whining. I cant take it, I literally start to get so pissed.

so today was one of those days. the days where i start to contemplate getting a nanny a few times a week or dropping her off in daycare part time. I even looked into this! For part time, it would still cost me $1200 a month. Thats a big expense. Man, sometimes i wish i had my mom around. =(

So that led me to start thinking....

How to be a great mom...

My mom was a GREAT MOM. The best. Does this mean she was perfect? No. When she was pregnant, she ate everything, no restrictions. cold cuts etc. But she was a GREAT MOM. I was a formula fed baby and i remember eating a lot of TV dinners. But she was a GREAT MOM. There was even a 5 year period in her 30's when she picked up smoking. But she was a GREAT MOM. Being a great mom doesn't mean that you do everything right...

I do believe you become a mother at conception. When you are pregnant, you want to do whats best for your baby. But I also don't believe in all the hype these days. I feel like some people are just SO dramatic about it all. Live your life! Thats whats going to make the baby happy.

When I was preggers, I wasn't perfect. I ate runny eggs, cold cuts, pieces of sushi and rare steak. I still cleaned every week, carried my dyson vacuum up and down the steps, and cooked almost every night. I went for 2 mile walks in the park even in the snow. I slipped once and fell on my knees but I literally picked myself back up and kept walking. Big deal. I knew my kid was safe. Its wasnt like i fell from 2 stories up. I even used to work full days at work, drive right to the park and still walk 2 miles. The fresh air felt soooo goood. Even in freezing cold weather. I still had my parties and still kept hanging out with friends, and kept doing things like book club.

Some people might think im crazy for doing all that, but I really felt like these are the exact things that made the baby grow and thrive. I think there is far too many restrictions these days....enough to scare people to not want to do anything. I think it does the baby such a disservice. I actually find it annoying when pregnant ladies comment or complain about what they cant eat. So dramatic. Get over it. a little bit aint gonna hurt. I felt like I lived my life, and I took my baby with me and shes better for it.

Yes, I was lucky to have a sickness-free pregnancy. I understand morning sickness cant be helped, so i understand that. But in other aspects, when you feel like you can do something, do it! dont hide from the rain and snow. dont cower in your house all day. Life goes on....the baby doesnt stop it. It only enhances it.

Now, as the baby is here, I am still not doing everything right. I let her watch TV. I give her snacks that may not be good for her. Yogurt with sugar in it. I eat french fries and when she watches me, i think "i cant wait till she can have one". French fries are delicious! I look forward to some daytime visits to mcdonalds, her first happy meal. I slipped down the steps, and gave her her first ER visit even though we should have made the steps non slip for months prior. I wont always do everything right, but what i will do is do what i can to my best ability. Maddie wont always have an organic diet, or even a good one. One day she will be addicted to TV. One day, she will play video games, or be hooked on the computer. I cant shield her, and I can't prevent this. I can only do what i can do and thats it.

I think my worst disservice to her is that i still cannot find the patience I need to be a mom. I get aggravated easily when she misbehaves. So much so that i think BAD thoughts! I know as she gets older, she will only test my patience even harder. But I dont know how to stop how I feel. I hope someday I can learn. I think a few factors do exacerbate this though. The fact that I am home alone with her with no help. I can't take a walk to anyones house. I dont have relatives who can come over a few times a week and give me an hour off here and there. I am lucky as it is that jae doesnt work late hours. Also, I work from home. I know I keep saying it, but this really blows.

I am not the best mom, but I do believe I am a good one. Why? Because I know I do what i can to my best ability. I accept the imperfections i will have. and THAT's what makes a great mom.

So times like today, I put her down for an early nap. Gave myself time to refresh and write this blog and press the restart button. I feel better already.