man, so much i need to write about and not enough time. anytime i want to sit down and write something, i either forget what it is that i wanted to write, or just dont feel in the mood anymore. this may just be the most random post yet, and quite possibly the longest, but here we go.

Yesterday on the Dr. Oz show, the topic was What causes autism. I found this epsisode to be incredibly intriguing. When you're pregnant, all you want is a "healthy" baby. What does that mean though? Do you know how many things happen AFTER the baby is born. Thus, a parents worry, anxiety and fears NEVER end. I found it scary how these poor parents had a perfectly healthy child one day, and the next day the child lost their words. No one yet knows the causes of autism, but there are 3 theories discussed on the show. The top one is one im sure every parent has gone over in their heads a million times - vaccinations. I personlly, do not feel that vaccines cause autism, but the parents in the audience with autistic children felt so strongly otherwise. No one can say for sure, but i do know whats for sure - i do want to protect my child against the infectious diseases that are very real and one thing i do know is that vaccines help prevent that. Second theory was environmental factors, such as pollution. Third theory was the age of the parents. Its true, the older you are, the chances of your child having autism increase!

As i was watching, I just took a glance over at Maddie and wondered what was in store for us in the future. My mind was brought to a blog that i follow. Sophia was born perfectly healthy. A precious little girl for a new young family. 2 weeks into her life, they started noticing lack of movement. She was soon diagnosed with SMA, a degenerative disease. Basically, her muscles deteriorate over time...she will never crawl or walk. she cant even lift her own arm. Usually, babies with SMA do not live past 2 years of age...but Sophia is about to celebrate her 2nd birthday. It's just so scary how things can happen at anytime. Even when you give birth to a perfectly "healthy" baby, you never know what can happen. I look at Maddie and thank God everyday for what I have in that moment in time.

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At the end of March, I have to travel for work. I am DREADING this. I cannot be away from my baby. Thank goodness its only for one day, but still, I wont see her.. FOR ONE WHOLE DAY. I already have anxiety about this.

Will she know im gone? i actually hope she doesnt.
Will J know what to do?

And since having a baby, morbid thoughts enter my head all the time. I always think, what will happen if im gone. I was always scared of planes, but now, im SO frightened to travel. What if something happens? Who will take care of my baby girl. I buckle up when im in the backseat of a car. I do take extra precautions bc im so scared, not of leaving this world, but of leaving Maddie in this world without me. I told myself if I die, I hope that Maddie is at least 25 years old....its sick isnt it? But these are my thoughts and fears...

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OMG I cant believe I forgot to write about this. 2 days ago, we had our LAST cardiologist appointment. Thats right, my last, because the hole in the heart Maddie was born with has closed. woo hoo! I really wasnt expecting to hear that, although I knew the hole had been very small the last time we were there 4 months ago. This was great news, not just bc of my babys health but bc she doesnt like that place very much lol. they have to take blood pressure and EKGs and the worst is the echocardiogram, which is basically like a sonogram and maddie cant sit sitll for things like that. Anyway, great news for my little girl.

I have to give it up to Schneiders Hospital as well (formerly known). I love being affiliated with this hospital. As anyone on the island knows, this is a great childrens hospital and I love having it close by. Their pediatric cardiology department was great!

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Breastfeeding - everything was going fine until her teeth came in. They are really growing now and so, her teeth scrape against me as she eats. OMG. Its becoming painful when she latches now. At least she doesnt bite. My cousin told me her son bit her so hard she bled. Ouch. But I'm still feeling sore everytime she eats and I'm not sure if this is something that will go away or not. I have thought about going to the bottle but I REALLY hate pumping. I mean, HATE it. all aspects of it. Another option is to go to formula, but i dont see why i should when im home with her all day. oh wells.

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Maddie's new thing is laughing. She was always a smiley baby that laughed but recently shes been laughing A LOT. Like, she'll see somethig on TV, laugh out loud. She will look at something in the room, laugh out loud. My back is turned to her and I hear her laughing to herself. Its hilarious. The funniest is out of nowhere, if you start laughing, she just automatically laughs too. Her laugh has changed too. It sounds like a "ha ha ha" now.

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so remember how i had been mentioning how maddie had an allergic reaction to something she ate? well i monitored her food for a bit but the rash was still there. so, i started thinking what else it could be and for some reason eczema came into mind. so i started googling and i really think this is it. A lot of things started to make sense after i realized it was eczema. a cousin of mine had eczema growing up and i took a pic and sent it to her and she said it did look like it. so now that i have some inkling of what it is, we can treat it better. I purchased a cream similar to cetaphil, called CeraVe. I also went out and bought 100% cotton PJS for her. We bathe her in cooler water now. With these 3 things combined, the cream especially, I already see a difference in the rash. Here we are, 2 days apart:





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I discovered a great new app on my phone. Its called grocery iq. omg i love this app. It makes a list of things to buy by store. you can check off what you'ev bought already and it sorts it by aisle! Another tab leads you to coupons and you can check off the coupons you want and email them to yourself. Then you just print. The list then reminds you to use your coupons. Me loves!

Angry Birds was also giving away a free download for their holiday version so ive been playing that. but playing on my phone sux compared to playing on the ipad.

oh im also addicted to restaurant story too hehe.

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Lastly, my boss is a serious DOUCHEBAG!!! i cant believe how douchy he is. words could not even describe. I seriously am beginning to LOATHE him. his latest antic: my coworker sends out and email to overseas and tells them we are off on Monday for presidents day. His response?:


Dear All,
I will be working, so please don’t hold off on sending any emails with important issues.

Thanks,
Frank

What a DICK. and a LOSER. He has 3 kids and 1 grandkid (and is only 43). He has NO life. He thinks hes so cool. We call him mighty mouse cuz his attitude is always like "HEre I come to save the dayyyyyy!". my coworker asked me if she should tell him that an email like that makes me and her look bad and i told her not to bother. i honestly dont care if that looks bad or not. I have the day off and i am going to sit on my ass with my feet up while you sit at your computer. Theres nothting that is SO important it cant wait one day. but he wants to make sure everyone knows how much he does, and how hard he works and what a hero he is. And yet he complains all the time about how much he does etc. And why does he think that is? Bc he writes stupid shit like the above email. What a clown. He thinks he gains respect this way...but actually he loses it. I could care less about him. I could care less about this job.

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the weather today is in the 60s! and i am planning to take maddie to the park once J gets home. when we moved here, one of my favorite things about the neighborhood was how close the park was. a great perk!