Sleep training is not going as bad as I expected! I'm pleasantly pleased. It's Day 2 and shes sleeping in her crib after 3 minutes of crying. I cant complain.

I'm not a fan of Crying it out, especially for a newborn baby. I feel excessive crying causes the baby to feel abandoned. It's true they will stop crying, and they will go to sleep, but i believe crying it out only teaches them to "stop crying because theres no point - no one is coming to get me". I truly believe in a baby's need to be nurtured and to build trust in the early months. I feel a baby being left to cry it out alone breaks that trust. How would you feel if you were upset and you were left to just cry it out? Eventually, you'll stop crying BUT, think about how you would feel. Lonely...and you'll know next time you're upset, no one is going to be there. I don't think this is any different from how a baby feels. Some studies show babies left to cry it out hours on end grow up to be less empathetic and also insecure. I do believe this could be true.

that being said, other methods of sleep training take a lot of work. Crying it out is easy, persay. You leave the baby there and you deal with hearing the crying (not easy I'll admit). But other methods really make you work...like staying with the baby for up to 45 minutes at a time....a lot of soothing...a lot more time...and i feel a lot more frustration. So I was not looking forward to starting Maddie in "training".

I really had to though. I was losing my mind. Naps were being taken all over the house...in a swing, in a baby carrier, on a sofa, sometimes in a crib, sometimes in a bassinet. It was chaotic for me and for her. Eventually, i got lazy and I started to throw her into a swing. She would sleep for 2 hours at a time. it was glorious. she was getting the rest she needed PLUS I had time to myself. I also used the baby carrier a lot. I truly believe in baby wearing, but I began to realize that I was using it for naps ways too often. I was also carrying her to sleep...I loved rocking her...in the beginning. Then, I lost my hands and then it became annoying. Eventually, Maddie went to sleep with motion only. Before I knew it, she was turning 2 months old and I really wanted to break this habit early on.

thankfully, she has always been good at night. But the days were becoming really torturous and I think a sort of depression loomed over me. WEll, to be honest, i think i had the baby blues from week 3 but the sleeping problem just elevated the problem. I was at my wits end...my (too high) expectations of this little baby became too much to bare. I Was getting mad when she wouldn't respond to what I was doing yet, I only tried it once and gave up. I felt like the house was chaotic...unclean, things all over the place and I hated having some thigns upstairs and some things downstairs. I think it was just the lack of organization that was driving my batty. I sound SO OCD right now, I am well aware.

Anyway, I decided it was time to do something. I took a trip to barnes and nobles and stocked up on some books. I read while MAddie was in the swing instead of taking my naps. I made notes and lost sleep over it. I actually had insomnia for a week, can you believe that? I would wake up to nurse MAddie and then not be able to go back to sleep. Anyway, something i did learn was that actually I Was not failing as bad as I had thought. A lot of what the books had been telling me to do, I Was already doing, so I felt much better that maybe some motherly instinct had kicked in already. She was off to a good start and I was glad about that.

Anyway, finally I Felt ready to start implementing some techniques on Friday (8/27) I asked Jae to come home early to help me since i knew i would be tearing my hair out. He agreed and was 100% supportive of whatever method I chose. MY main goal was to get her to sleep in her crib both for naps and for nighttime.

First day, I woke up and it was time for MAddies 1st nap. I attempted to do my normal soothing routine and put her down in her crib. I shush patted for about 10 minutes and she dozed off. I stayed with her for 30 minutes, hunched over the short crib. I thought I was going to die. MY back was about to give out, but I was determined to see her through this. Babies will wake about 20 minutes after they go to sleep, so I wanted to stay with her through that and teach her how to go back to sleep on her own (prior, she would wake and not be able to put herself back to sleep). Well, she did push through the 20 minute stage BUT she woke up 20 minutes later. Fail. I was in pain and she was still not sleeping!

By the 2nd nap, Jae was home, but I had already given up on the shush pat technique. I was feeling deep down that it wasnt the right one for us. I decided to rock maddie in the rocking chair, something we both love doing, and just wait for her to get drowsy before putting her in the crib. She did go down, but again woke after 30 minutes of sleep, wailing like a banshee. Anyway, long story short, JAe and I experimented all day.... it was tough. she cried... A LOT. by the end of the day i remember saying "this is not working". jae and i decided, we would just put her back in the swing for day and keep working on the crib at night. baby steps, he would say.

So, nighttime came and I was really worried we were going to lose our good night time sleep....I was also nervous, as she has never slept more than 2 feet away from me! I made jae stay with me at night even though it was 8 pm lol. I was so afriad i wouldn't hear her on the monitor and sleep through it! anyway, we put her in the crib and she really did well, giving us a 5 hour stretch. She was always good at night and thanks to our bedtime routine, she really does know day from night. I felt renewed that she did so well and it gave me more hope. I decided I would continue to put her in the crib the next day as well and to keep at it.

So thats what I did and she really went down like a champ. I was so happy with her progress. Funny how something so little changed so much...jae and i were happier instantly. Nighttime was also better than the previous night.

Now its sunday...we're doing the same things but she is still only sleeping 30 mins at a time. at this point, i know something is off. I decide to put her on her belly and she sleeps for an hour and a half. hmmm... but i cant do this all the time. I'm still confused.... I reach for my go-to sleep book...Weissbluth. I have read this book maybe like 4 or 5 times already. Everytime i do, its like reading for the first time since I have new things I can apply to it as MAddie changes. Well, I read it, and for MAddie's next nap, I go by his word and after 3 minutes of crying, shes down! I had only planned to let her cry 5 max. She sleeps for an hour!

I am still learning. Sometimes I cant distinguish her cries, and dont know if i should go in and get her or not. its still a learning process. Sometimes i dont know what to do and have to go with my gut. sometimes its wrong and sometimes its right. But all i know is today, i moved the pack n play downstairs and was able to organize the house better now that she has ONE sleeping place. It made me a happy camper. As jae says, baby steps and we'll get there eventually. I hope this is a good start.

So let's see how the rest of this pans out. Sleep training has taught me many valuable things so far:

1. even though maddie is crying, sometimes she is NOT awake. Also, sometimes her eyes are open and again she is NOT awake. If I catch it in time, I can lull her back to sleep. prior to this, i thought she was awake and would pick her up or talk to her which was actually WAKING HER UP!

2. watching my baby....watch her, listen to her. she has 15 different cries, learn to differentiate. watch her cues and follow them. I never really paid that much attention before but now, I see really knowing them can help you know what to do next. for example, i used to get so annoyed when maddie woke up crying, or when she would fuss on the boob. however, come to realize its gas...so now when i see the signs, i know what to do, its over and we go on. everyone is much happier.

3. ITs ok to experiment and there is no one right way. Every baby is different....and only you can figure out what works for your baby.

this post probably isnt interesting if you're not a mom or not about to sleep train your baby, so i apologize if this is boring but i just wanted to blog it down.