Sleep training is not going as bad as I expected! I'm pleasantly pleased. It's Day 2 and shes sleeping in her crib after 3 minutes of crying. I cant complain.
I'm not a fan of Crying it out, especially for a newborn baby. I feel excessive crying causes the baby to feel abandoned. It's true they will stop crying, and they will go to sleep, but i believe crying it out only teaches them to "stop crying because theres no point - no one is coming to get me". I truly believe in a baby's need to be nurtured and to build trust in the early months. I feel a baby being left to cry it out alone breaks that trust. How would you feel if you were upset and you were left to just cry it out? Eventually, you'll stop crying BUT, think about how you would feel. Lonely...and you'll know next time you're upset, no one is going to be there. I don't think this is any different from how a baby feels. Some studies show babies left to cry it out hours on end grow up to be less empathetic and also insecure. I do believe this could be true.
that being said, other methods of sleep training take a lot of work. Crying it out is easy, persay. You leave the baby there and you deal with hearing the crying (not easy I'll admit). But other methods really make you work...like staying with the baby for up to 45 minutes at a time....a lot of soothing...a lot more time...and i feel a lot more frustration. So I was not looking forward to starting Maddie in "training".
I really had to though. I was losing my mind. Naps were being taken all over the house...in a swing, in a baby carrier, on a sofa, sometimes in a crib, sometimes in a bassinet. It was chaotic for me and for her. Eventually, i got lazy and I started to throw her into a swing. She would sleep for 2 hours at a time. it was glorious. she was getting the rest she needed PLUS I had time to myself. I also used the baby carrier a lot. I truly believe in baby wearing, but I began to realize that I was using it for naps ways too often. I was also carrying her to sleep...I loved rocking her...in the beginning. Then, I lost my hands and then it became annoying. Eventually, Maddie went to sleep with motion only. Before I knew it, she was turning 2 months old and I really wanted to break this habit early on.
thankfully, she has always been good at night. But the days were becoming really torturous and I think a sort of depression loomed over me. WEll, to be honest, i think i had the baby blues from week 3 but the sleeping problem just elevated the problem. I was at my wits end...my (too high) expectations of this little baby became too much to bare. I Was getting mad when she wouldn't respond to what I was doing yet, I only tried it once and gave up. I felt like the house was chaotic...unclean, things all over the place and I hated having some thigns upstairs and some things downstairs. I think it was just the lack of organization that was driving my batty. I sound SO OCD right now, I am well aware.
Anyway, I decided it was time to do something. I took a trip to barnes and nobles and stocked up on some books. I read while MAddie was in the swing instead of taking my naps. I made notes and lost sleep over it. I actually had insomnia for a week, can you believe that? I would wake up to nurse MAddie and then not be able to go back to sleep. Anyway, something i did learn was that actually I Was not failing as bad as I had thought. A lot of what the books had been telling me to do, I Was already doing, so I felt much better that maybe some motherly instinct had kicked in already. She was off to a good start and I was glad about that.
Anyway, finally I Felt ready to start implementing some techniques on Friday (8/27) I asked Jae to come home early to help me since i knew i would be tearing my hair out. He agreed and was 100% supportive of whatever method I chose. MY main goal was to get her to sleep in her crib both for naps and for nighttime.
First day, I woke up and it was time for MAddies 1st nap. I attempted to do my normal soothing routine and put her down in her crib. I shush patted for about 10 minutes and she dozed off. I stayed with her for 30 minutes, hunched over the short crib. I thought I was going to die. MY back was about to give out, but I was determined to see her through this. Babies will wake about 20 minutes after they go to sleep, so I wanted to stay with her through that and teach her how to go back to sleep on her own (prior, she would wake and not be able to put herself back to sleep). Well, she did push through the 20 minute stage BUT she woke up 20 minutes later. Fail. I was in pain and she was still not sleeping!
By the 2nd nap, Jae was home, but I had already given up on the shush pat technique. I was feeling deep down that it wasnt the right one for us. I decided to rock maddie in the rocking chair, something we both love doing, and just wait for her to get drowsy before putting her in the crib. She did go down, but again woke after 30 minutes of sleep, wailing like a banshee. Anyway, long story short, JAe and I experimented all day.... it was tough. she cried... A LOT. by the end of the day i remember saying "this is not working". jae and i decided, we would just put her back in the swing for day and keep working on the crib at night. baby steps, he would say.
So, nighttime came and I was really worried we were going to lose our good night time sleep....I was also nervous, as she has never slept more than 2 feet away from me! I made jae stay with me at night even though it was 8 pm lol. I was so afriad i wouldn't hear her on the monitor and sleep through it! anyway, we put her in the crib and she really did well, giving us a 5 hour stretch. She was always good at night and thanks to our bedtime routine, she really does know day from night. I felt renewed that she did so well and it gave me more hope. I decided I would continue to put her in the crib the next day as well and to keep at it.
So thats what I did and she really went down like a champ. I was so happy with her progress. Funny how something so little changed so much...jae and i were happier instantly. Nighttime was also better than the previous night.
Now its sunday...we're doing the same things but she is still only sleeping 30 mins at a time. at this point, i know something is off. I decide to put her on her belly and she sleeps for an hour and a half. hmmm... but i cant do this all the time. I'm still confused.... I reach for my go-to sleep book...Weissbluth. I have read this book maybe like 4 or 5 times already. Everytime i do, its like reading for the first time since I have new things I can apply to it as MAddie changes. Well, I read it, and for MAddie's next nap, I go by his word and after 3 minutes of crying, shes down! I had only planned to let her cry 5 max. She sleeps for an hour!
I am still learning. Sometimes I cant distinguish her cries, and dont know if i should go in and get her or not. its still a learning process. Sometimes i dont know what to do and have to go with my gut. sometimes its wrong and sometimes its right. But all i know is today, i moved the pack n play downstairs and was able to organize the house better now that she has ONE sleeping place. It made me a happy camper. As jae says, baby steps and we'll get there eventually. I hope this is a good start.
So let's see how the rest of this pans out. Sleep training has taught me many valuable things so far:
1. even though maddie is crying, sometimes she is NOT awake. Also, sometimes her eyes are open and again she is NOT awake. If I catch it in time, I can lull her back to sleep. prior to this, i thought she was awake and would pick her up or talk to her which was actually WAKING HER UP!
2. watching my baby....watch her, listen to her. she has 15 different cries, learn to differentiate. watch her cues and follow them. I never really paid that much attention before but now, I see really knowing them can help you know what to do next. for example, i used to get so annoyed when maddie woke up crying, or when she would fuss on the boob. however, come to realize its gas...so now when i see the signs, i know what to do, its over and we go on. everyone is much happier.
3. ITs ok to experiment and there is no one right way. Every baby is different....and only you can figure out what works for your baby.
this post probably isnt interesting if you're not a mom or not about to sleep train your baby, so i apologize if this is boring but i just wanted to blog it down.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Well visit today and Maddie is 12 lbs 3 oz and a whopping 24". wow! 97% percentile in height.
this is hard to admit but 7 weeks into her little life and already ive screwed up. big time. will concentrate on fixing my mistakes this coming week. and making a mental note to NOT make the same mistake with baby #2. le sigh.
also, totally realized this week that i was probably able to get more night rest 2 weeks ago! when she stirs at night, i automatically jump up and feed her. no, no, no. let her stir, she will go back to sleep and i can get more rest. i figured this out when i read that at 6 weeks, a newborn can skip the 2am feed. i was like "whaaaat?". so, when i heard her stir for the 2am feed last night, i didnt pick her up. after some annoying grunts, whines and sounds, she fell asleep again.....i said a quick hallelujah in my mind and closed my eyes to go back to bed.....until daddy for some unknown reason decided to cough MAD loud in his sleep, in which she woke up startled and crying. le sigh x 2.
this is hard to admit but 7 weeks into her little life and already ive screwed up. big time. will concentrate on fixing my mistakes this coming week. and making a mental note to NOT make the same mistake with baby #2. le sigh.
also, totally realized this week that i was probably able to get more night rest 2 weeks ago! when she stirs at night, i automatically jump up and feed her. no, no, no. let her stir, she will go back to sleep and i can get more rest. i figured this out when i read that at 6 weeks, a newborn can skip the 2am feed. i was like "whaaaat?". so, when i heard her stir for the 2am feed last night, i didnt pick her up. after some annoying grunts, whines and sounds, she fell asleep again.....i said a quick hallelujah in my mind and closed my eyes to go back to bed.....until daddy for some unknown reason decided to cough MAD loud in his sleep, in which she woke up startled and crying. le sigh x 2.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Today Maddie weighed in at 11 lbs 10 oz and 23". I never imagined myself to have a tall baby.
We were at the cardiologist today. MAddie was born was a heart murmur. A VSD to be exact. It's common but we need to see the cardiologist once a month. I hate this visit....they put this tiny blood pressure monitor on her...the kind adults use where it compresses and depresses. Maddie HATES it. she wails and cries while we hold her, but this also casuses the machine to not get a good reading, so they have to keep trying this test over and over again until it reads right. Poor Maddie. They also have to do an EKG and today she missed a nap to go to this appt. So she was super cranky. They had to lie her down, and stick all the stickers on her plus the cables and she was just crying away. Sigh.
In other news, this kid is not napping. She gives me like 20-30 minute naps which screams out "sleep problem". I find her to be so high need when it comes to being put to sleep. rocking, shushing, bouncing, white noise, patting...you name it, it has to be done. this could go on for like 40 minutes. then finally when shes down, she wakes up after 20 minutes for no reason. it is seriously testing my patience. ARGH!
We were at the cardiologist today. MAddie was born was a heart murmur. A VSD to be exact. It's common but we need to see the cardiologist once a month. I hate this visit....they put this tiny blood pressure monitor on her...the kind adults use where it compresses and depresses. Maddie HATES it. she wails and cries while we hold her, but this also casuses the machine to not get a good reading, so they have to keep trying this test over and over again until it reads right. Poor Maddie. They also have to do an EKG and today she missed a nap to go to this appt. So she was super cranky. They had to lie her down, and stick all the stickers on her plus the cables and she was just crying away. Sigh.
In other news, this kid is not napping. She gives me like 20-30 minute naps which screams out "sleep problem". I find her to be so high need when it comes to being put to sleep. rocking, shushing, bouncing, white noise, patting...you name it, it has to be done. this could go on for like 40 minutes. then finally when shes down, she wakes up after 20 minutes for no reason. it is seriously testing my patience. ARGH!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
My Child, My Rules
I believe this is one of the toughest challenges i will face as a mother. The fact that people love to comment or judge how other people parent. Because, of course, YOU know all the answers and everything YOU did was the right way.
The worst part is, I KNOW about 95% of this will come from Jae's side of the family. The worst part is, they mean no harm. But I don't agree with their parenting at all. In fact, I would do things very differently. But I never say anything. It's their kids and their business. But I know it won't be that way for me because they love to put their 2 cents in.
For example, one sister forbids the child to put anything in their mouth other than food. Thumb sucking, finger sucking, all forbidden. Forbidden as in, she'll slap her hand away and scream for her to stop. She thinks this is dirty and doesn't want the baby to have this habit. I, on the other hand, don't mind thumb sucking at all. In fact, I believe children need to learn how to self soothe and these are the very skills they will need as an adult. I believe children who can self soothe are much more independent and better sleepers as adults than children who cannot. And guess what? her kids don't sleep. and guess what? i was a thumb sucker and i have never had a bout of insomnia or any sleeping problems. My head hits the pillow and I am out for the entire night.
Of course, she is allowed to do what she wants with her child. But will the same respect be given to me? When my kid starts sucking on his sleeve, arm, or thumb, i KNOW they will say something. So what should my response be?
I have tons of other examples...but the bottom line is, my child will be raised much differently from all the nephews and nieces. I dont know how I will be able to combat all the unnecessary commentary.
During the pregnancy, one SIL again brings up the baby name thing. We discuss names and I finally say to her "Jae likes Madelyn" which is the name we pretty much have decided on. She says "tell him to pick another name". I know shes not a mean person but how can someone say such hurtful things and not even realize. I find this character flaw in a lot of Korean people... no offense, but they are painfully blunt and have little tact. I just didnt say anything. But what I wanted to say was "i think its our kid and we can choose whatever name we want. if you dont have anything nice to say about it, then dont say anything at all. its not like i go and tell you that i hate the name Julia. because i do. it reminds me of an old lady and the minute you told me her name when you were 7 months pregnant i cringed at the thought of it...and now that she is over 1 years old, i still hate it". but the truth is, its your kid and your right to name her whatever hideous name you want. dont i get the same right? does everything have to have a commentary?
I am a firm believer in time out. I have never seen any of the kids in time out. I am sure I will get weird looks when I implement this.
I can spot a spoiled child right away and there is one who is extremely spoiled, demanding and completely irrational. I know EXACTLY why they are so...it is because of the parents. They completely allow it. Thank God Jae and I agree on parenting about 95% of the time. He doesn't let the kids get away with anything....and HE ends up getting yelled at by his sister. So there I can see what the source of the problem is.
while i was pregnant, we were discussing how big the baby was getting. MIL tells me "6 lbs is good. 8 lbs too big" referring to my baby. again, annoying...i cannot control the weight of my baby. my SIL gained 80 lbs during pregnancy and had a 6 lb 4 oz kid. clearly the weight of the baby is whatever it will be. I can't control it to much extent. first off, the national average of a baby being born is now 7.5 lbs. a baby 6 lbs or 6.5 lbs is considered "small" as they are only in the 35-45% percentile. a baby under 5 lbs 8 oz is considered underweight. so i am not THAT far off. secondly, my family is in favor of bigger babies. this means easier time taking care of them after birth, good head and neck control and this represents the baby being healthy. What a contradiction from 2 different families.
Thankfully, my family is very open minded for an asian family. Whatever someone chooses to do with their life, or child is their business. Perhaps there could be some back talk behind their back but never to their face. My family, especially the cousins, are all very supportive of each other and accept that people will do things differently. As long as the child is happy and healthy, we dont care. Everyone does their own thing without fear of ridicule or judgement and I love my family for that. I was born into this, so i know nothing else. Jae's family is a bit different and sometimes I dont know how to work around the criticism. "Buy baby detergent. its called Dreft". Dreft is not the only baby detergent out there and actually Dreft has perfumes in it which I dont want. Its also expensive. So when they see my detergent im sure I will get a look one way or another. I usually just ignore it or try to divert the subject away... but its such a chore to do so. why cant i just have what i have and do what i want without someone saying something?
Now that the baby is here...my MIL has gotten more annoying. First off whenever she sees the baby, she literally pulls the baby from my arms. No "can i hold her?". No "let me take her so you can rest". without words, as if shes entitled, she will take the baby. i understand youre excited...but seriously. Then one day she comes over and the baby is in a brown onesie and the MIL says "baby should wear white". i was like "huh?". she repeated herself "baby wear white" and proceeded to put a white burp cloth over the baby and say again "baby wear white". WTF...my baby can wear whatever color i put her in. is there a rule?
i walk into the room holding the baby over my shoulder. she grabs her from me and says "carry like this (cradled in arms), never like this (over the shoulder)". ummm, no, my baby LOVES to be held over the shoulder. dont tell me how to hold my baby. again, is there a rule?
the worst - she says "you have another baby"....im like "huh?" and the sister proceeds to translate "she wants to know why your stomach is still so big". hello, i was home 3 days out of the hospital. people dont lose their pooch till 6 months sometimes! i was so annoyed....i had gone through, what i feel, was a pretty rough labor...and this woman is making comments about my body?
she also told me to wear socks. in my house. like wtf...why do you care. and then she told me to eat miyuk gook 5 times a day. she made me a big pot. umm yeah, i had like 2 bowls and ended up throwing the rest out. she tells me it helps to make milk. aint nothing help to make milk but the baby sucking on it.
so i should end this post by saying, i do like my MIL and overall she is a nice person. but when it comes to this baby, apparently she is the boss. i wonder if she is pissed since i never asked her to sleep over and help...or if i never went to the bronx to sleep over after birth which is what she wanted me to do. who knows. anyway, iam going to see her for Maddies one month party and i almost dont even want to sit with her for fear of what she will do, or how much she will hog the baby.
The worst part is, I KNOW about 95% of this will come from Jae's side of the family. The worst part is, they mean no harm. But I don't agree with their parenting at all. In fact, I would do things very differently. But I never say anything. It's their kids and their business. But I know it won't be that way for me because they love to put their 2 cents in.
For example, one sister forbids the child to put anything in their mouth other than food. Thumb sucking, finger sucking, all forbidden. Forbidden as in, she'll slap her hand away and scream for her to stop. She thinks this is dirty and doesn't want the baby to have this habit. I, on the other hand, don't mind thumb sucking at all. In fact, I believe children need to learn how to self soothe and these are the very skills they will need as an adult. I believe children who can self soothe are much more independent and better sleepers as adults than children who cannot. And guess what? her kids don't sleep. and guess what? i was a thumb sucker and i have never had a bout of insomnia or any sleeping problems. My head hits the pillow and I am out for the entire night.
Of course, she is allowed to do what she wants with her child. But will the same respect be given to me? When my kid starts sucking on his sleeve, arm, or thumb, i KNOW they will say something. So what should my response be?
I have tons of other examples...but the bottom line is, my child will be raised much differently from all the nephews and nieces. I dont know how I will be able to combat all the unnecessary commentary.
During the pregnancy, one SIL again brings up the baby name thing. We discuss names and I finally say to her "Jae likes Madelyn" which is the name we pretty much have decided on. She says "tell him to pick another name". I know shes not a mean person but how can someone say such hurtful things and not even realize. I find this character flaw in a lot of Korean people... no offense, but they are painfully blunt and have little tact. I just didnt say anything. But what I wanted to say was "i think its our kid and we can choose whatever name we want. if you dont have anything nice to say about it, then dont say anything at all. its not like i go and tell you that i hate the name Julia. because i do. it reminds me of an old lady and the minute you told me her name when you were 7 months pregnant i cringed at the thought of it...and now that she is over 1 years old, i still hate it". but the truth is, its your kid and your right to name her whatever hideous name you want. dont i get the same right? does everything have to have a commentary?
I am a firm believer in time out. I have never seen any of the kids in time out. I am sure I will get weird looks when I implement this.
I can spot a spoiled child right away and there is one who is extremely spoiled, demanding and completely irrational. I know EXACTLY why they are so...it is because of the parents. They completely allow it. Thank God Jae and I agree on parenting about 95% of the time. He doesn't let the kids get away with anything....and HE ends up getting yelled at by his sister. So there I can see what the source of the problem is.
while i was pregnant, we were discussing how big the baby was getting. MIL tells me "6 lbs is good. 8 lbs too big" referring to my baby. again, annoying...i cannot control the weight of my baby. my SIL gained 80 lbs during pregnancy and had a 6 lb 4 oz kid. clearly the weight of the baby is whatever it will be. I can't control it to much extent. first off, the national average of a baby being born is now 7.5 lbs. a baby 6 lbs or 6.5 lbs is considered "small" as they are only in the 35-45% percentile. a baby under 5 lbs 8 oz is considered underweight. so i am not THAT far off. secondly, my family is in favor of bigger babies. this means easier time taking care of them after birth, good head and neck control and this represents the baby being healthy. What a contradiction from 2 different families.
Thankfully, my family is very open minded for an asian family. Whatever someone chooses to do with their life, or child is their business. Perhaps there could be some back talk behind their back but never to their face. My family, especially the cousins, are all very supportive of each other and accept that people will do things differently. As long as the child is happy and healthy, we dont care. Everyone does their own thing without fear of ridicule or judgement and I love my family for that. I was born into this, so i know nothing else. Jae's family is a bit different and sometimes I dont know how to work around the criticism. "Buy baby detergent. its called Dreft". Dreft is not the only baby detergent out there and actually Dreft has perfumes in it which I dont want. Its also expensive. So when they see my detergent im sure I will get a look one way or another. I usually just ignore it or try to divert the subject away... but its such a chore to do so. why cant i just have what i have and do what i want without someone saying something?
Now that the baby is here...my MIL has gotten more annoying. First off whenever she sees the baby, she literally pulls the baby from my arms. No "can i hold her?". No "let me take her so you can rest". without words, as if shes entitled, she will take the baby. i understand youre excited...but seriously. Then one day she comes over and the baby is in a brown onesie and the MIL says "baby should wear white". i was like "huh?". she repeated herself "baby wear white" and proceeded to put a white burp cloth over the baby and say again "baby wear white". WTF...my baby can wear whatever color i put her in. is there a rule?
i walk into the room holding the baby over my shoulder. she grabs her from me and says "carry like this (cradled in arms), never like this (over the shoulder)". ummm, no, my baby LOVES to be held over the shoulder. dont tell me how to hold my baby. again, is there a rule?
the worst - she says "you have another baby"....im like "huh?" and the sister proceeds to translate "she wants to know why your stomach is still so big". hello, i was home 3 days out of the hospital. people dont lose their pooch till 6 months sometimes! i was so annoyed....i had gone through, what i feel, was a pretty rough labor...and this woman is making comments about my body?
she also told me to wear socks. in my house. like wtf...why do you care. and then she told me to eat miyuk gook 5 times a day. she made me a big pot. umm yeah, i had like 2 bowls and ended up throwing the rest out. she tells me it helps to make milk. aint nothing help to make milk but the baby sucking on it.
so i should end this post by saying, i do like my MIL and overall she is a nice person. but when it comes to this baby, apparently she is the boss. i wonder if she is pissed since i never asked her to sleep over and help...or if i never went to the bronx to sleep over after birth which is what she wanted me to do. who knows. anyway, iam going to see her for Maddies one month party and i almost dont even want to sit with her for fear of what she will do, or how much she will hog the baby.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Saturday, August 14, 2010
7 weeks
Maddie is 7 weeks today. I cant tell if time is moving slow or fast. I cant even remember what her first night home was like. how many times did i wake up? it seemed so long ago when breastfeeding was a nightmare. We went to the pediatricians the other day and i remember thinking how when we went when we was 6 days old, how fearful i was. fearful to be out with the baby...fearful she would be hungry bc our appointment ran long....fearful that she would start wailing and i wouldnt know what to do. how far we have come as parents in only 7 short weeks.
Maddie can now find her fingers to suck on. Shes not 100% but she can get there now. She is slowly starting to get on a schedule. feedings have increased to every 3 hours and she wakes up like clockwork. and she can give us maybe at most 3.5 hours of sleep at a time at night.
she wakes up at 6 am which is mad early for me, but i guess such is this new life called motherhood.
she is still having trouble sleeping without me...i tried putting her in the crib a few times for naps and she wasnt having it. i plan to fully implement this more in the next few weeks. right now, i baby wear her for almost every nap. occasionally she will go in the swing. hopefully i can get her away from this soon. i would eventually like her to nap in her crib only in preparation for her to start sleeping there at nighttime.
we have eaten take out for 7 weeks now. i really wish this would stop but yet i dont have the time yet to start cooking.
i went for my 6 week checkup the other day and i lost 25 of my 40 lbs. with the takeout food, i cant foresee me losing the rest of the 15 lbs i have. hopefully with the schedule starting to stabilize, we can manage to cook again.
up next, i do want to address how annoying it is when people think that the way they raise their children should be the way i raise my child. namely jaes family...omg. i have a lot to say.
Maddie can now find her fingers to suck on. Shes not 100% but she can get there now. She is slowly starting to get on a schedule. feedings have increased to every 3 hours and she wakes up like clockwork. and she can give us maybe at most 3.5 hours of sleep at a time at night.
she wakes up at 6 am which is mad early for me, but i guess such is this new life called motherhood.
she is still having trouble sleeping without me...i tried putting her in the crib a few times for naps and she wasnt having it. i plan to fully implement this more in the next few weeks. right now, i baby wear her for almost every nap. occasionally she will go in the swing. hopefully i can get her away from this soon. i would eventually like her to nap in her crib only in preparation for her to start sleeping there at nighttime.
we have eaten take out for 7 weeks now. i really wish this would stop but yet i dont have the time yet to start cooking.
i went for my 6 week checkup the other day and i lost 25 of my 40 lbs. with the takeout food, i cant foresee me losing the rest of the 15 lbs i have. hopefully with the schedule starting to stabilize, we can manage to cook again.
up next, i do want to address how annoying it is when people think that the way they raise their children should be the way i raise my child. namely jaes family...omg. i have a lot to say.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
our electricity bill went from being 75 bucks a month to 450. this little girl is driving us down the poor lane!
yesterday i took maddie out for the first time myself. granted, it was just a quick walk to the bank. she was fine but it was mad hot outside. i dont get out much so i have no idea what its like outdoors.
last week was awesome. she was sleeping well and on somewhat of a schedule. we had a morning routine and it was nice. this week, i think she is approaching her 6 week growtn spurt and all that went out the window. sigh.
so sleep deprived!!!
yesterday i took maddie out for the first time myself. granted, it was just a quick walk to the bank. she was fine but it was mad hot outside. i dont get out much so i have no idea what its like outdoors.
last week was awesome. she was sleeping well and on somewhat of a schedule. we had a morning routine and it was nice. this week, i think she is approaching her 6 week growtn spurt and all that went out the window. sigh.
so sleep deprived!!!
Friday, August 6, 2010
I really need to start blogging more....I have not been writing down any of Maddie's milestones and this is not good!
almost 5 weeks and she has discovered her tongue. all she does is stick it out and play with it. she also has not yet learned how to swallow...she will keep milk or saliva in her mouth and doesnt yet know to swallow it. she can see now and can follow objects with her eyes. She recognizes me and jaes voice and face and will smile when she hears it. she got her first big girl bath a few days ago.
the labor story:
so i left off where my mucus plug fell out....at about 10PM that night, i started feeling some contractions. I started to time them and they were about 6 or 7 minutes apart. I am up all night at this point and by 5 am, they are 5 minutes apart and i call the doctor who tells me to go to the hospital.
By the time we get to the hospital, they are hurting and i am having to stop everytime i walk. We get to the hospital and they check me and again tell me to go and walk for an hour and come back.
sO jae and i head to the parking garage where i walk pacing around our car for one hour. like clockwork, my contractions are every 5 minutes. thank God for Jae. he was really a good support system. IT felt best when i leaned up into him during the contractions. He would time them and let me know when they were going to subside. This happened for about an hour and by the end of it, i was contracting every 4 minutes.
Contractions do feel like menstrual cramps but 100 times worse. You cannot move and all you want to do is squeeze your eyes shut and hold your breath till its over. it does help to breathe through them though.
At 6:50 in the hospital, I was checked agin and I was 3 cm now and 80% effaced at -2 station. Still not enough to admit me quite yet and plus they said i was contracting irregularly. there were some talks about me going home again and I was not happy about that.
they leave me for a bit to see what will happen and at 9 am, i was still 3 cm but 90% effaced and -1 station.
at 10:05, I was 4 cm and 90% effaced and they finally agree to admit me.
Hallelujah!
At 11:30 i was put into my delivery room. This was it. I was having a baby today! The contrations continued. they were painful but manageable and there were talks about an epidural. I held off twice for it, bc i was ok. but after a bit, i thought about it and figured i hadnt slept in 2 days...i would have no energy to push so i agreed to get the epidural. i had been in labor and contracting for 12 hours now and i thought i could use a break,
at 12 noon the anaesthesiologist came in....i got prepped for the epi and HOLY SHIT it hurt. it hurt worse than the contractions. in fact, i almost cried. tears welled to my eyes. when i finally looked up jae was there looking concerned. omg, no one told me it could hurt that bad. my legs went numb and i finally laid back to rest.
at 1 pm, the doctor broke my water and i was 4-5 cm at this point. the epi kicked in and i was feeling good...
at 1:15 i was given pitocin to move things along. I planned to sleep now but at 2 pm, i was feeling intense pressure down there. I asked for more epi which they administered. I was confused as to why it had worn off only after 2 hours.
during the next 2 hours, i continued to feel slight pressure in my rectum. it felt like i had to poop....at 4 pm, it was getting intense and i needed more meds. they came to top me off. at this point i was still 90% effaced but at 0 station. The pain was getting intense and I asked why the epi wasnt working. come to realize, that epidurals only take away contraction pain, not the pressure. so basically, i had to muster through it. i had no slept a wink at this point and was feeling extremely uncomfortable. with each contraction, the pressure was so severe, i was grabbing onto the bed rails and just wishing it was over with.
at 5:15 pm, i was at 7 cm now and 0 station and i thought i was making progress but heres where it ends bc i stayed 7 cm and stopped dialating.
Again, i was still in pain, with no relief from the epidural. So this was extremely tiring and i was wearing thin.
at 7:00 i got more epidural and the doctor said i should think about the csection. she said she knew i wanted a natual birth so she let me go another hour....she also said the baby was probably face up and that was why i was having the pressure. this would also complicate natural labor...
i spent the next hour hoping i would keep progressing but at 7:40, I was still 7 cm. As she wsa checking me, i felt a huge gush come and cover my thighs. The doctor then told the nurse she saw meconium and lots of it and that it was dark. Dammit...i knew right then, c section was a must. The doctor did confirm i would need to get the baby out now...
Instantly, jae had scrubs on and i was being wheeled to the OR. It felt like 5 minutes and everything had changed.
On the table, they gave me the epidural and i started shaking uncontrollably (normal). It was very uncomfortable though. my teeth were chattering and my arms were vilently shaking. I couldnt wait for the procedure to be over with. I was also dying of thirst.
I was also very out of it, so i think i was zoning in and out. Finally, at 9PM, i heard the doctor say "whoah! its a 2 year old!" and then a baby cry. I looked at jae and i remember saying "oh my god". the cry was unbelieveable. one of the best sounds ever.
we got to see a quick peek at her and i remember saying to jae "oh, shes cute". after that is a blur. i think i fell asleep. I awoke when they said they were taking the baby to get weighed. everyone was anxious to see how much she weighed since she was so big. the nurse came back and said 8 lbs 12 oz and they let jae hold her. after that, another blur...i passed out.
I was wheeled to recovery....the hospital was so packed this day....i think they said there were like 65 births that day! so i was put into a corner of the room. i didnt even have a nurse button or anything. i fi needed the nurse, i needed to shout. it sucked. i slept a bit and my legs were still numb and i was SO thrsty but they wouldnt let me drink anything for an hour.
a few hours passed and i still hadnt seen or held Maddie yet. the nurse said we would see her at 1am when she needed to eat.
I slept and poor jae was stuck standing. Finally, he was able to grab a hard chair which became his bed over night.
At 12AM, they finally brought her to me. They basically handed her to me and walked off. I was like "wtf am i supposed to do". i asked a nurse to show me bow to breastfeed which she did very quickly. I remember being scared to hold the baby. It was MY baby and i was holding her for the first time. she only had a diaper on and i remember htinking how soft her skin was. She took to the breast immediately and latched on quickly.
That night I slept on and off and it was torturous for jae. he slept in the chair and was so uncomfortable. i didnt get a room until the next day around 4 pm.
once we got to the room, it was much better and i felt more comfortable. But eventually we got neighbors we didnt like so we splurged for a private room which was AWESOME. at 550 a night, we made sure to get proper use out of it.
The csection recovery was AWFUL. I hated it. I couldnt even reach over to hold my own baby. Getting out of bed was hard and the amount of blood i had coming out of me was disgusting.
A few days went by and after being weighed twice, it turns out Maddie lost way too much weight. She went down to 7 lbs 12 oz, I guess i was breastfeeding wrong or my milk hadnt come in yet so she was put on a weight gain program. I was pumping, feeding and giving formula.
By the time we left the hospital, Maddie was 8 lbs 4 oz. 3 days later she was 8 lbs 14 oz, surpassing her birth weight. Babies dont usually get to their birth weight until 2 weeks after their birth so MAddie was doing well!
4 or 5 days later, i was on my way home with a new baby! I cant believe they let me leave with this baby. I felt completely unprepared and didnt even know what to do. As soon as we got home, i had to feed her. By this time, my nipples were broken. I was in so much pain but i mustered through it. I was so tired and that night, i felt very overwhelmed with a new baby in the house.
I was sleeping when jaes sister came over. she bathed Maddie for us and made me food which helped.
The 2nd day maddie was home was better. We woke up as a family, made breakfast and finally could embrace the joy of having this little one in our house. She was good then, and let us put her down anywhere. bouncer, sofa, whatever. she was very alert, and awake but also slept a whole lot.
4 weeks later and she has completely changed! everyday is new and different and i never know what to expect. it is hard being such a control freak. i am used to consistency and schedules...so this has thrown me for a loop. but i am learning. ive had my breakdowns and crying sessions....but everyday i know its all worth it when i see the smile on my daughters face.
almost 5 weeks and she has discovered her tongue. all she does is stick it out and play with it. she also has not yet learned how to swallow...she will keep milk or saliva in her mouth and doesnt yet know to swallow it. she can see now and can follow objects with her eyes. She recognizes me and jaes voice and face and will smile when she hears it. she got her first big girl bath a few days ago.
the labor story:
so i left off where my mucus plug fell out....at about 10PM that night, i started feeling some contractions. I started to time them and they were about 6 or 7 minutes apart. I am up all night at this point and by 5 am, they are 5 minutes apart and i call the doctor who tells me to go to the hospital.
By the time we get to the hospital, they are hurting and i am having to stop everytime i walk. We get to the hospital and they check me and again tell me to go and walk for an hour and come back.
sO jae and i head to the parking garage where i walk pacing around our car for one hour. like clockwork, my contractions are every 5 minutes. thank God for Jae. he was really a good support system. IT felt best when i leaned up into him during the contractions. He would time them and let me know when they were going to subside. This happened for about an hour and by the end of it, i was contracting every 4 minutes.
Contractions do feel like menstrual cramps but 100 times worse. You cannot move and all you want to do is squeeze your eyes shut and hold your breath till its over. it does help to breathe through them though.
At 6:50 in the hospital, I was checked agin and I was 3 cm now and 80% effaced at -2 station. Still not enough to admit me quite yet and plus they said i was contracting irregularly. there were some talks about me going home again and I was not happy about that.
they leave me for a bit to see what will happen and at 9 am, i was still 3 cm but 90% effaced and -1 station.
at 10:05, I was 4 cm and 90% effaced and they finally agree to admit me.
Hallelujah!
At 11:30 i was put into my delivery room. This was it. I was having a baby today! The contrations continued. they were painful but manageable and there were talks about an epidural. I held off twice for it, bc i was ok. but after a bit, i thought about it and figured i hadnt slept in 2 days...i would have no energy to push so i agreed to get the epidural. i had been in labor and contracting for 12 hours now and i thought i could use a break,
at 12 noon the anaesthesiologist came in....i got prepped for the epi and HOLY SHIT it hurt. it hurt worse than the contractions. in fact, i almost cried. tears welled to my eyes. when i finally looked up jae was there looking concerned. omg, no one told me it could hurt that bad. my legs went numb and i finally laid back to rest.
at 1 pm, the doctor broke my water and i was 4-5 cm at this point. the epi kicked in and i was feeling good...
at 1:15 i was given pitocin to move things along. I planned to sleep now but at 2 pm, i was feeling intense pressure down there. I asked for more epi which they administered. I was confused as to why it had worn off only after 2 hours.
during the next 2 hours, i continued to feel slight pressure in my rectum. it felt like i had to poop....at 4 pm, it was getting intense and i needed more meds. they came to top me off. at this point i was still 90% effaced but at 0 station. The pain was getting intense and I asked why the epi wasnt working. come to realize, that epidurals only take away contraction pain, not the pressure. so basically, i had to muster through it. i had no slept a wink at this point and was feeling extremely uncomfortable. with each contraction, the pressure was so severe, i was grabbing onto the bed rails and just wishing it was over with.
at 5:15 pm, i was at 7 cm now and 0 station and i thought i was making progress but heres where it ends bc i stayed 7 cm and stopped dialating.
Again, i was still in pain, with no relief from the epidural. So this was extremely tiring and i was wearing thin.
at 7:00 i got more epidural and the doctor said i should think about the csection. she said she knew i wanted a natual birth so she let me go another hour....she also said the baby was probably face up and that was why i was having the pressure. this would also complicate natural labor...
i spent the next hour hoping i would keep progressing but at 7:40, I was still 7 cm. As she wsa checking me, i felt a huge gush come and cover my thighs. The doctor then told the nurse she saw meconium and lots of it and that it was dark. Dammit...i knew right then, c section was a must. The doctor did confirm i would need to get the baby out now...
Instantly, jae had scrubs on and i was being wheeled to the OR. It felt like 5 minutes and everything had changed.
On the table, they gave me the epidural and i started shaking uncontrollably (normal). It was very uncomfortable though. my teeth were chattering and my arms were vilently shaking. I couldnt wait for the procedure to be over with. I was also dying of thirst.
I was also very out of it, so i think i was zoning in and out. Finally, at 9PM, i heard the doctor say "whoah! its a 2 year old!" and then a baby cry. I looked at jae and i remember saying "oh my god". the cry was unbelieveable. one of the best sounds ever.
we got to see a quick peek at her and i remember saying to jae "oh, shes cute". after that is a blur. i think i fell asleep. I awoke when they said they were taking the baby to get weighed. everyone was anxious to see how much she weighed since she was so big. the nurse came back and said 8 lbs 12 oz and they let jae hold her. after that, another blur...i passed out.
I was wheeled to recovery....the hospital was so packed this day....i think they said there were like 65 births that day! so i was put into a corner of the room. i didnt even have a nurse button or anything. i fi needed the nurse, i needed to shout. it sucked. i slept a bit and my legs were still numb and i was SO thrsty but they wouldnt let me drink anything for an hour.
a few hours passed and i still hadnt seen or held Maddie yet. the nurse said we would see her at 1am when she needed to eat.
I slept and poor jae was stuck standing. Finally, he was able to grab a hard chair which became his bed over night.
At 12AM, they finally brought her to me. They basically handed her to me and walked off. I was like "wtf am i supposed to do". i asked a nurse to show me bow to breastfeed which she did very quickly. I remember being scared to hold the baby. It was MY baby and i was holding her for the first time. she only had a diaper on and i remember htinking how soft her skin was. She took to the breast immediately and latched on quickly.
That night I slept on and off and it was torturous for jae. he slept in the chair and was so uncomfortable. i didnt get a room until the next day around 4 pm.
once we got to the room, it was much better and i felt more comfortable. But eventually we got neighbors we didnt like so we splurged for a private room which was AWESOME. at 550 a night, we made sure to get proper use out of it.
The csection recovery was AWFUL. I hated it. I couldnt even reach over to hold my own baby. Getting out of bed was hard and the amount of blood i had coming out of me was disgusting.
A few days went by and after being weighed twice, it turns out Maddie lost way too much weight. She went down to 7 lbs 12 oz, I guess i was breastfeeding wrong or my milk hadnt come in yet so she was put on a weight gain program. I was pumping, feeding and giving formula.
By the time we left the hospital, Maddie was 8 lbs 4 oz. 3 days later she was 8 lbs 14 oz, surpassing her birth weight. Babies dont usually get to their birth weight until 2 weeks after their birth so MAddie was doing well!
4 or 5 days later, i was on my way home with a new baby! I cant believe they let me leave with this baby. I felt completely unprepared and didnt even know what to do. As soon as we got home, i had to feed her. By this time, my nipples were broken. I was in so much pain but i mustered through it. I was so tired and that night, i felt very overwhelmed with a new baby in the house.
I was sleeping when jaes sister came over. she bathed Maddie for us and made me food which helped.
The 2nd day maddie was home was better. We woke up as a family, made breakfast and finally could embrace the joy of having this little one in our house. She was good then, and let us put her down anywhere. bouncer, sofa, whatever. she was very alert, and awake but also slept a whole lot.
4 weeks later and she has completely changed! everyday is new and different and i never know what to expect. it is hard being such a control freak. i am used to consistency and schedules...so this has thrown me for a loop. but i am learning. ive had my breakdowns and crying sessions....but everyday i know its all worth it when i see the smile on my daughters face.
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