it doesn't end

sometimes it just never ends...

sometimes i still get mail with my mom's name on it. it sucks. it always has her name on it...somewhere on there will be the word "deceased". and of course, the date of death.

Date. of. Death.

it doesn't get any easier to see those words. In fact, they just bring out everything we've been hiding. Memories come flooding back. You start to do the math in your head. Only 4 months ago. Sounds so long ago but seems so fresh in my head. I was watching American Idol last night, and for a fleeting second, I thought to call my mom to ask her what she thought about a contestant. These moments have happened a few times. They last a millisecond, but make you feel like shit for days. Wow, shes really gone. Somedays I still don't believe it.