A father's role.

As much of control freak as I am, I don't want to hold 100% of the responsiblity of raising this baby. I want Jae to be as involved as much as possible. I feel like I can trust him but i can tell he doesn't trust himself.

I don't want the baby to be attached to me... I want her to be able to go to Jae as well for anything. I want Jae to be there after work and be able to give her a bottle so im not the only one feeding her. I realize this will be tough on him... but I really want him to try.

My goal is to have him with the baby at least 2 days of the week. alone. I know he can handle it and I actually think he will do a great job. I have faith in him. The first time I brought this up to him, he didnt say anything...and I could tell he was both surprised and nervous. I brought it up once more and he seemed more receptive. I know he can do it. and I think it would be great for both him and the baby.

I am surprised I am able to let go of this control, especially with something as major as my child. I always imagined myself doing everything, because I know I can do it better. But I think ultimately I think what drives me is the benefit a father and child can have from being more involved. Plus it'll give me a break when I have a partner to work with me and hand the baby off to, and the baby is willingly able to to go that other partner. I have learned i am not superwoman, and I need breaks too even if i dont realize it at the time.

He made 50% of this baby and he should take 50% responsibility. Some argue that earning that paycheck is a big enough job. To me, there is no job bigger than becoming a parent. I dont care what it takes or what sacrifices you need to make, time is something you cannot get back and it is up to each of us to put in our time now. Of course I expect to give him free time off, and I expect free time off as well. But I fully expect jae to be completely involved and i actually think he wants to as well, but just is not sure what to do. I hope we can work through this together and ultimately I believe this is what will make us a happy family.

Though my one big fear is how our relationship will change once the baby is here. I have heard marriage changes, and not always for the better. Am i scared about this? yes. the baby thus far has brought us closer together. probably the best we've even been. but will that change once the baby comes? we will have to stay conscious about this to make sure it doesnt!