OH baby.


i was alone when i took the test. Jae wasn't home yet and I had just gotten home for the first time in 4 days (staying with my mom and helping her through her medical conditions). I took the test, then showered and when I came out of the shower, I saw a faint line. My first reaction? I cried. I dont know why, or what i was feeling. fear? joy? or was it bc i quickly asked myself if my mom would be alive to see the baby be born. who knows, a lot of emotions going through my head.

Jae got home a short time later and I showed him the test. He said "what line?". It WAS faint... I dont think he believed me.

it looked a bit darker in person:


We headed back to my moms and on the way I bought a digital test.

At my moms, I took the test and it came back with the words loud and clear.



I showed Jae and you couldnt wipe the smile off his face.

I looked at him and said "now what?"

It was bittersweet.... my mom in one room, feeling miserable. me and jae in another feeling happy. I checked in on my mom, asking myself if I should tell her, maybe that would make her feel better? but I decided not to just yet.

I walked back out and passed Jae in the kitchen and he was still smiling to himself. I couldn't help but to smile myself.

I don't know how to feel...under normal circumstances, I would be spilling the secret. But I just got into a bit of a debate with my grandma over the care of my mom. My mom is not having a good day. Not quite the environment I had expected to tell the biggest news of my life.

In any case, tomorrow is a new day. A brand new day, with a brand new outlook.