the waiting game. cannot test till DPO 10. Its only DPO 7. should i just test for the fun of it? no, why torture myself with possible false negatives.

lately the whole baby thing makes my heart ache. im so ready. i know im ready because i ache for one. i never ached for something so hard that it hurt, but it does. i look around...and i feel envy. envy for all of those who have a child. i am rarely envious of anything!! my heart drops....i think "i want THAT!". i feel selfish.... but i know i was ready at age 10. not THIS ready, but ready. the day i held little Lauren in my arms and I knew someday I wanted to hold my own. It's 22 years later....and I'm still waiting. Only now, the waiting is at a level 10.

Even though I knew I always wanted kids, there was always something that never allowed it to happen. It was the break up, it was the waiting to get married, it was the buying of a new house, it was the theft of the store, it was the opening of the new store.... and finally a window opened up. a window of clarity....i think now is the time. and for the one time when things around me stopped moving, it becomes clear to me that it is time to grab hold of my life long dream. the one thing i always knew would complete me.... the one thing i KNOW i was meant to do.