last night was our cousins Bens 30th birthday dinner. The first thing I felt like I wanted when I sat down was a glass of wine. It had been a long day with my mom. I even asked Jae, can i have a glass? he said no, absolutely not. I knew he was right, but I just had to ask. dang that wine looked good.

I got a Thai Iced Tea, which obviously has caffeine in it. Jae tsked me... I just didnt want anyone to get suspicious. Afterall, I am the one who always orders some sort of liquor. Jae tried to finish some of the iced tea for me but he hated it so I had the whole delicious thing to myself. and then a ginger ale after that. hehe.

I've been very crampy lately. Not sure if thats a normal or abnormal sign. It's hard bc I don't want to move too much but then again, I am lifting and helping my mom out a lot so i am putting strain on myself. I just hope the pregnancy goes ok, even though I am doing some hard stuff and getting no sleep.

In fact, I think I will take another pregnancy test today just to make sure.

so far my parents, grandparents and brother know. everyone is excited to say the least. But its still early. Still haven't made a drs appt. Still don't know what can happen in the next few weeks. My stomach feels crampy. Like period cramps but worse. I hear these could be implantation cramps? I dont' know. I just hope nothing is wrong.

In the meantime, I've gotten some grandma advice which always cracks me up.

Don't jump.
Don't eat lamb.
Don't be mean or the baby will be born mean.

OH baby.


i was alone when i took the test. Jae wasn't home yet and I had just gotten home for the first time in 4 days (staying with my mom and helping her through her medical conditions). I took the test, then showered and when I came out of the shower, I saw a faint line. My first reaction? I cried. I dont know why, or what i was feeling. fear? joy? or was it bc i quickly asked myself if my mom would be alive to see the baby be born. who knows, a lot of emotions going through my head.

Jae got home a short time later and I showed him the test. He said "what line?". It WAS faint... I dont think he believed me.

it looked a bit darker in person:


We headed back to my moms and on the way I bought a digital test.

At my moms, I took the test and it came back with the words loud and clear.



I showed Jae and you couldnt wipe the smile off his face.

I looked at him and said "now what?"

It was bittersweet.... my mom in one room, feeling miserable. me and jae in another feeling happy. I checked in on my mom, asking myself if I should tell her, maybe that would make her feel better? but I decided not to just yet.

I walked back out and passed Jae in the kitchen and he was still smiling to himself. I couldn't help but to smile myself.

I don't know how to feel...under normal circumstances, I would be spilling the secret. But I just got into a bit of a debate with my grandma over the care of my mom. My mom is not having a good day. Not quite the environment I had expected to tell the biggest news of my life.

In any case, tomorrow is a new day. A brand new day, with a brand new outlook.