Sorry for the lack of posting. Maddie has been waking up 5:30AM for over a week and when i get a break, I like to try to nap. I cant seem to fall asleep till midnight or later these days so when i wake up so early, im spent! Facebooking/blogging/emailing has taken a backseat. Anyway, lots of catch up on:

So a friend who recently gave birth has been emailing me almost daily or evrey other day. Can i just say I LOVE to talk babies...emailing her and makes me super reminiscent of Maddie. When she asks me a question, like about their first bath, I automatically think about Maddie's first. It seems like so long ago, but yet not.

I often think about Maddie's first born days. The days where she slept all day long. I swear I thought i had motherhood in the bag it was so easy - for the first few weeks anyway =) . I remember the first morning I woke up in this house and maddie was here. I made bacon and eggs and we left her in the bouncer to hang out while we ate. She was wide awake, and so good. It would only be a few weeks later when i felt it spiral out of control quicker than i could blink. hehe. The point is, she was so different then....i miss her first born days.

In fact, MAB recently sent me some pics she took of Maddie and its through her picasa album. When i first open the album, the pictures from when Maddie was first born are in there and everytime i open the album, i find myself thinking "who is that baby? how time flies...". examples:





wait till you see our slideshow for her 1st birthday party. the old pictures blow my mind!

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Speaking of talking to my friends about babies, I realized that everyone says its so hard (and it is!) but then when i keep talking to them, I find out they have help. either a parent or inlaw who can show up and help them out for a few hours. One of my friends just got a 3 hour nap in the other day thanks to her Father in law.

Dont get me wrong, i think its great and VERY needed...and im happy for them. At the same time, i cant believe i did it alone. What was i thinking? I really think thats the reason why i got depressed.

I remember texting my brother crying telling him i think I'm depressed and im not sure how much more i can handle. I remember looking up post partum depression in one of my books, asking jae to read it and asking him if that sounded like me. and he said yes.

I really think because i did not get a break, i became really depressed and BURNT OUT!

I did have my grandma but she was only able to come up on the weekends when my brother could drive her. even then, i was still awake while she was here. I dont think i ever stopped. I never got to nap. I never had anyone to hand the baby off to until jae got home.

Even to this day, I still have not slept in one day in over 8 months.

I think i do take on too much....at the same time, I feel very proud of myself. not to toot my own horn, but i really dont think a lot of people could do what i did. I dont think a lot of people could handle the baby alone like i did, especially after a c-section. I really do have to give myself some credit. It is amazing what you can do if you put your mind to it, and when you're in survival mode and just have to.

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Maddie is sick with her 2nd cold. Terrible. Its not even that bad and yet I find myself giving her extra pancakes, letting her watch TV, carrying her more etc. I'm so weak!

I gave her oranges, and put squeezed OJ in her water sippy. I gave her warm chicken soup for dinner last night. I put baby vicks on her chest, back and bottom of her feet. I turned up the heat in the house. I gave her tylenol. We elevated her crib mattress. Whatever we could do to help her get better faster. I hate when shes sick. She cant breathe and i can hear snot going up and down her nose everytime she breathes. Sleep is the worst bc shes SOOOO tired but cant sleep or keeps waking up. IT's like watching her get tortured. Poor kid.

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Aside from her being sick, Maddie is definitely going through something again. growth spurt? teething? one never knows.

the recent changes:

1. wake up before 6 am, for over a week now. shoot me!

2. waking up after her first nap after 20-30 minutes. she will usually go back down again, but the wake up is rare, leading me to think something is bothering her.

3. naps are shorter

4. cranky, irritable, CLINGY!

5. before getting sick, she was already randomly waking up at nighttime as well. these have been rare, but they've been happening lately.

A baby changes so often, its SO hard to keep up.

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MAddie is babbling like crazy these days. ITs so cute to hear.

Shes obsessed with my (only my) phone, my camera and the remote control.

I think she does understand the following:

"Do you want mum mum (food)?". When i ask her and the answer is yes, she will stare at me. Call me crazy but her eyes are telling me yes.

"Where's Elmo?" - she will look at the TV. lol.

"Where's the light? picture? mama?" - these she does when she feels like it, but she definitely can look at these things if i ask her and shes in the right mood

"Change your diaper"

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FOOD - i have been doing really good in cooking lately! Cant say its always the healthiest, but i think its better than take out.

For Maddie - blueberry, apple, whole wheat pancakes:


Banana Corn muffins:



moving away from baby cereal and onto big people oatmeal:



For the adults:
Panko breaded porkchops. REally simple:



pan fried quickly and then cooked in the oven. topped with herb dressing (delish!) and side was some Trader joes ravioli



Another super easy dish - sausage and roasted veggie pasta.

Just throw the veggies onto a pan and roast with olive oil, salt and pepper. No thinking needed:



when its done, just coarsely chop. fry up some sausage and then added the veggies, juice and all. use some of the pasta water to make a broth. thats it. so simple.



Cornflake chicken. If you have not had this ever, you are missing out! This is crunchier than any fried chicken you've had.

seasoned flour, buttermilk/egg, crushed cornflakes


soak chicken pieces (i use thighs, bone in) in buttermilk. then dip in each of the above. BAKE! Its so healthy too:



Heres a good side dish and yummy. potato tins.

slice a few potatoes up thinly


you stack the potato slices inside muffin tins, salt and peppering as you go along. Add one tablespoon heavy cream to each tin.



bake 40 minutes at 400 degrees. so crispy and yummy!


another oldie but a goodie. i used to make this all the time. chicken cordon bleu. just pound out chicken breasts, fill with ham and swiss cheese slice and fold over. pan fry on each side for a few minutes, then add some chicken broth and cover and let simmer until chicken is cooked. take chicken out and then create a sauce with the juices...you can add cream, flour, etc. serve over pasta: