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im so excited that a Little Gym opened up in our area. The offer little people gymnastics, dance, cheerleading classes. fun!







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So I am in contract with a clown for Maddies bday. He's a balloon guy. Not just any balloon guy... he can do this:











They also do facepainting. I think i am going to rent a cotton candy machine too.

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so Maddie is really a quirky little kid. she has these weird tendencies...i dont know what to make of it. is it all kids, or just her? For example, i have this touch and feel book. she loves touch and feel books and knows exactly where to "touch" every page. I bought this book, and from the first time i read it to her, she refuses to touch one page. Its a page that feels like soft cotton. She will start to reach, see whats there, and then stop. Heres a video i took. Its so odd...she will touch all the other pages. She has never touched this page...ever.



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With the spring season coming up, Maddie has a lot of parties to go to! She is invited to her first birthday party this month. Its a swimming party. I would LOVE for her to go into the water but the parents have to go with them and i am NOT bathing suit ready. not to mention, i dont even have a swim suit for her. They require you to buy one of those swim suits with the built in diapers. Now i gotta go out and buy her one? Im not sure if im going to do this. theres plenty of chances for her to go swimming with her cousins at their local pool...so i might skip this.

Maddie is also going to her first baby shower in april.

Loving this weather. its so nice to take her out for walks. and plus, i dont have to turn up the heat in the house. woo hoo! i am like 1000 bucks behind on payments for my oil company. I refuse to pay them! they come here way too much to fill up and oil prices are just skyrocketing my bill!

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new foods for maddie: papaya, lentils, minestrone, tilapia, toddler veggie dip snacks, honeydew, cantaloupe, beef meatballs.

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Maddie has such a little personality now. When she doesnt want something, she will grab it and throw it to the side. When i try to put a bib on her and its interfering in whatever shes doing, she will try to toss it away. so much attitude!

She is babbling like nuts as well.

Oh, she started shaking her head side to side like shes saying no. shes not saying no though, shes shaking her head. at first, i got scared. it looked like she had torrets or something. i was so nervous it was something neurological, i had jae look it up. apparently its just them getting used to a new sensation. hehe.

As a typical proud parent, i have to say i LOVE going out with Maddie because of all the looks she gets. Everytime someone looks at her, they smile. I talk to a lot of strangers bc they come up to me and talk to me about her and tell me how adorable she is. The cashiers all stop ringing me up just to ask about her. Moms get out of my way with their big old shopping carts when they see me with her and they smile as they do so. This girl is queen! I just love when people gush over her. The ladies at Gymboree call her "yummy". I even see men (dads) staring at her...you can tell they are thinking "i wish i had a girl!" lol.

So I know every parent thinks their kid is the cutest. I can understand that. Everything your kid does, you think its the best, you think they are the smartest, you think everything is cute. I know bc there are kids i know who maybe arent the cutest, but the parents are head over heels for them. I often wonder if im one of these parents.

I dont know, but i think maddie is pretty cute. Everything about her is perfect. I love her eyes, her nose, her lips. Even when she was born, the first thing i said to jae after they showed her to me was "oh, shes cute". when they showed her to me, she wasn't covered in vernix, or blood. She was clean (from what i remember). they probably wiped her off but still, the first sight of her, and she was beautiful.

her head is the perfect size. her eyes are bright and big. her lips are so feminine. her nose is a button nose. her smile and laugh are probably her best qualities. Shes tall, not fat. Shes strong...had great neck control from birth. What else could i ask for? I often say that since she looks so perfect, she'll probably be a really bad child. lol.

Jess' Favorite Things (about Maddie)

her eyelashes. I had no doubt she would have long thick ones as both jae and i also have these:


her hands. i think she has cute hands. not too chubby, not too skinny. i like her nails even though they grow super fast. even from birth, the way her hands move just mesmorizes me. she does some funny things with her hands and i remember when she was younger how i thought it was so funny.


her face from different angles make her look like a different person. if you look at her when her head is tilted up, she looks like a cute cartoon character:


i love her chub. everytime i take off her pants to change her diaper i have to smoosh my face into her chub. its so soft and squishy. her toes are pretty cute too.

her cheeks are nice and full. she does have this one face that i LOVE LOVE LOVE and its sort of when she lets her cheeks go, her lower jaw pushes up to her upper jaw and her cheeks get SOOO huge. so cute!

her ears are perfect, dont stick out, not too big or too small (like mine).

i guess i could go on and on...but i wont. i just love everything about her!

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It's sunday and Maddie got her 2nd cold since birth. She then passed it onto jae, who then passed it onto me. so the whole fam was sick at the same time! horrible. but thankfully its passing.....

This past weekend I took her to Gymboree. It was funny...the day before our class, i asked jae what time he would be home. he asked why and i said that i was going to go to gymboree and if he wanted to come, he could. he said he probably couldnt get out that early. i said ok and i mentioned how maddie was the only one in her class without a daddy there. he didnt say anything.

a few hours later, he asks me "what time are you leaving for gymboree tomorrow?". i tell him and he doesnt say anything. im laughing to myself now cuz i realize hes thinking about going.

Daddy guilt! lol.

I wasnt even trying to guilt him. i truly didnt care that he wasnt there and in fact, id prefer going alone!

but the next day, i park the car at gymboree and realize he texted me telling me he left work already. i say ok, im at gymboree. i get settled into class and he texts again saying "are you here?"... im confused...is he talking about home? or what? 2 seconds later, i see him walking into the class. LOL. what a scrub.

Sorry for the lack of posting. Maddie has been waking up 5:30AM for over a week and when i get a break, I like to try to nap. I cant seem to fall asleep till midnight or later these days so when i wake up so early, im spent! Facebooking/blogging/emailing has taken a backseat. Anyway, lots of catch up on:

So a friend who recently gave birth has been emailing me almost daily or evrey other day. Can i just say I LOVE to talk babies...emailing her and makes me super reminiscent of Maddie. When she asks me a question, like about their first bath, I automatically think about Maddie's first. It seems like so long ago, but yet not.

I often think about Maddie's first born days. The days where she slept all day long. I swear I thought i had motherhood in the bag it was so easy - for the first few weeks anyway =) . I remember the first morning I woke up in this house and maddie was here. I made bacon and eggs and we left her in the bouncer to hang out while we ate. She was wide awake, and so good. It would only be a few weeks later when i felt it spiral out of control quicker than i could blink. hehe. The point is, she was so different then....i miss her first born days.

In fact, MAB recently sent me some pics she took of Maddie and its through her picasa album. When i first open the album, the pictures from when Maddie was first born are in there and everytime i open the album, i find myself thinking "who is that baby? how time flies...". examples:





wait till you see our slideshow for her 1st birthday party. the old pictures blow my mind!

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Speaking of talking to my friends about babies, I realized that everyone says its so hard (and it is!) but then when i keep talking to them, I find out they have help. either a parent or inlaw who can show up and help them out for a few hours. One of my friends just got a 3 hour nap in the other day thanks to her Father in law.

Dont get me wrong, i think its great and VERY needed...and im happy for them. At the same time, i cant believe i did it alone. What was i thinking? I really think thats the reason why i got depressed.

I remember texting my brother crying telling him i think I'm depressed and im not sure how much more i can handle. I remember looking up post partum depression in one of my books, asking jae to read it and asking him if that sounded like me. and he said yes.

I really think because i did not get a break, i became really depressed and BURNT OUT!

I did have my grandma but she was only able to come up on the weekends when my brother could drive her. even then, i was still awake while she was here. I dont think i ever stopped. I never got to nap. I never had anyone to hand the baby off to until jae got home.

Even to this day, I still have not slept in one day in over 8 months.

I think i do take on too much....at the same time, I feel very proud of myself. not to toot my own horn, but i really dont think a lot of people could do what i did. I dont think a lot of people could handle the baby alone like i did, especially after a c-section. I really do have to give myself some credit. It is amazing what you can do if you put your mind to it, and when you're in survival mode and just have to.

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Maddie is sick with her 2nd cold. Terrible. Its not even that bad and yet I find myself giving her extra pancakes, letting her watch TV, carrying her more etc. I'm so weak!

I gave her oranges, and put squeezed OJ in her water sippy. I gave her warm chicken soup for dinner last night. I put baby vicks on her chest, back and bottom of her feet. I turned up the heat in the house. I gave her tylenol. We elevated her crib mattress. Whatever we could do to help her get better faster. I hate when shes sick. She cant breathe and i can hear snot going up and down her nose everytime she breathes. Sleep is the worst bc shes SOOOO tired but cant sleep or keeps waking up. IT's like watching her get tortured. Poor kid.

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Aside from her being sick, Maddie is definitely going through something again. growth spurt? teething? one never knows.

the recent changes:

1. wake up before 6 am, for over a week now. shoot me!

2. waking up after her first nap after 20-30 minutes. she will usually go back down again, but the wake up is rare, leading me to think something is bothering her.

3. naps are shorter

4. cranky, irritable, CLINGY!

5. before getting sick, she was already randomly waking up at nighttime as well. these have been rare, but they've been happening lately.

A baby changes so often, its SO hard to keep up.

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MAddie is babbling like crazy these days. ITs so cute to hear.

Shes obsessed with my (only my) phone, my camera and the remote control.

I think she does understand the following:

"Do you want mum mum (food)?". When i ask her and the answer is yes, she will stare at me. Call me crazy but her eyes are telling me yes.

"Where's Elmo?" - she will look at the TV. lol.

"Where's the light? picture? mama?" - these she does when she feels like it, but she definitely can look at these things if i ask her and shes in the right mood

"Change your diaper"

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FOOD - i have been doing really good in cooking lately! Cant say its always the healthiest, but i think its better than take out.

For Maddie - blueberry, apple, whole wheat pancakes:


Banana Corn muffins:



moving away from baby cereal and onto big people oatmeal:



For the adults:
Panko breaded porkchops. REally simple:



pan fried quickly and then cooked in the oven. topped with herb dressing (delish!) and side was some Trader joes ravioli



Another super easy dish - sausage and roasted veggie pasta.

Just throw the veggies onto a pan and roast with olive oil, salt and pepper. No thinking needed:



when its done, just coarsely chop. fry up some sausage and then added the veggies, juice and all. use some of the pasta water to make a broth. thats it. so simple.



Cornflake chicken. If you have not had this ever, you are missing out! This is crunchier than any fried chicken you've had.

seasoned flour, buttermilk/egg, crushed cornflakes


soak chicken pieces (i use thighs, bone in) in buttermilk. then dip in each of the above. BAKE! Its so healthy too:



Heres a good side dish and yummy. potato tins.

slice a few potatoes up thinly


you stack the potato slices inside muffin tins, salt and peppering as you go along. Add one tablespoon heavy cream to each tin.



bake 40 minutes at 400 degrees. so crispy and yummy!


another oldie but a goodie. i used to make this all the time. chicken cordon bleu. just pound out chicken breasts, fill with ham and swiss cheese slice and fold over. pan fry on each side for a few minutes, then add some chicken broth and cover and let simmer until chicken is cooked. take chicken out and then create a sauce with the juices...you can add cream, flour, etc. serve over pasta:

Venue - booked
1st bday photo shoot - booked

need to do:
-Call clown and magician
-call up photographer for party
-decide on color scheme
-start working on designing invites
-send out save the dates! (since it will be on a holiday weekend)

I swear Maddie can wave now! I said "say bye bye" and she started flapping her arm and them held her hand in the air and opened and closed her hand. omg.

Oh so I took Maddie to her first music class this past saturday. i thought it was good for her so i signed her up for the rest of the month. The teacher said Maddie was very "focused" and that it was a good thing. Maddie jsut kept staring at the teacher, while all the other kids ran around. Maddie only smiled a few times, when the scarves came out. She loved when i put it over her head. She also loved the bubbles the teacher blew. Maddie didnt know what to think at first, but then she looked up and threw her hands in the air to try to grab them. My heart nearly exploded this was so cute!

Our membership also comes with unlimited gym time so we can get during gym times and get to play on the slides, tubes and other apparatus there. it seems like maddie is growing up so fast now!

I have a new cousin! Jaiden!!!!! Dont you love that name? Last saturday i was at my cousins house and she told me how my other cousin was in the hospital. A few days later, she told me she was in labor. the labor took 45 hours! Can you imagine? OMG.

Maddie is saying ahpah! J is so happy! lol. hes been saying this to her since the day she was born. who knew it would actually pay off so soon? He was giving her a bath and I was cleaning up the bedroom. In usual manner, he said "Ahpah" and clear as day, I heard her say it back! Whats even funnier is right before she said it, I handed J's flip camera to him. I dont know why....its been sitting in the same spot for a week. But she was being vocal and so i gave it to him. Anyway, she said it over and over and we have a few videos of her saying it. So cute!

I'm going with my sister in law tonight to book the place for maddies dol! omg... cant believe i have to plan this so soon! i think im doing a baby block theme, since i always take those monthly pics with her blocks. I'm also doing a candy buffet as the favors. also going to either hire a balloon dude (i heard hes AMAZING) or the same magician my SIL's always hire (hes pretty good too).

Maddie is also doing much better in the car. We have advanced to going to multiple stores in one trip instead of just one store lol. So sad. I know most moms can tote their babies around like nothing but my daughter is a bit high maintenance. Anyway, I think she is better in the car for a few reasons. One, she is just older and more mature. Two, we started taking her out at naptime and letting her sleep in the car. I think this helped her understand that the car seat is not a bad place. She got used to being the car in the process.

The other day we went to both babies r us AND Ikea. they are not that close in proximity to each other either. Today we went to Trader Joes and then to get frozen yogurt. I even took her out myself to the park this afternoon and let her play on the swings.

Now granted, sometimes I am bad and feed her in the car to keep her quiet. I will give her mum mums, sometimes puffs. Of course, only if im in the backseat with her. When we went to the park today alone, she just sat there like a good girl. I even had to thank her when we got home for being good and not crying. so pathetic.

gymboree - i signed up for a music class for this saturday. i really hope the class is good so i can sign up for regular classes. I hope there are no cliquey moms in this group!

Food - I made maddie some brown rice and lentils the other day. she liked it! I also started giving her whole blueberries now that she can feed herself. I plan to make some corn muffins for her this coming week.

The only problem with self feeding is that its soo messy. This is the bottom of Maddie's high chair. perhaps it doesnt come across too well in pics, but its MESSY!


I had to make maddie some more chicken soup, so i roasted a whole chicken and made the broth with the carcass. With the breast meat, I shredded it and made J and I tacos. i love getting more than one meal out of one item.



I was craving some fish so at the market, i bought 2 flounder fillets and made a crab meat stuffing to put on top. heres the before, i forgot to take an after pic. but yum!

Maddie is self feeding. This is great! i dont need to sit next to her and put food into her mouth. I can leave her be and she can eat all on her own. Her favorite is pancakes. I guess they are squishy enough for her to pick her and put in her mouth.

Rolling over both ways has already improved so much. she will roll left, right, left, right, so she ends up in the same spot lol.

definitely babbling more and has started making the "m" sounds. so she can say mamama. when she wakes from a nap, she plays by herself and says "mamamma". so i pretend like shes calling me. haha.

has taken to table food really well. her current fave is pastina with homemade tomato sauce and meatballs. tonight we went out to dinner for my aunts birthday and i was able to give maddie some rice, tofu and chicken from my own plate.

can hold onto something and stand on her own for a little bit.

FOOD:

so had a craving for pork eggrolls....so i bought a package of shredded cabbage.

i only needed half the bag for the eggrolls, so i thought about how i could use the other half and i thought about cole slaw, one of jaes favorites. so simple.

add mayo, mustard, apple cider vinegar...basically anything you want. you can add garlic powder, etc. i also added some scallions:


for the eggrolls, take one pound of ground pork and add again, whatever you want. i shredded a small carrot, scallions, mushrooms and shrimp


stir fry together with some soy sauce and oyster sauce




dump 2 spoonfuls of the mix into egg roll wrapper and wrap up


i used my mini deep fryer which cuts down on the mess. you can also bake these.




also made my baby some spaghetti squash...


All easy, quick stuff. I did all this while the baby sat and played by herself in the pack n play.

So I had the coleslaw and was trying to think of what we could eat with it. I decided on some shrimp cakes, since i was just using shrimp for the eggrolls as well.

i chopped up more shrimp, scallion and red pepper. mix with mayo, uustard, breadcrumbs, 2 eggs. Shape into patty and cover with panko breadcrumbs.




Fry on a pan. Serve with the coleslaw. (i have done these cakes with guacamole too)

a kiss builds trust. This is what i have learned. Every day when I put Maddie down for a nap, I kiss her before I lay her down. she always smiles. I place her in her crib and smile down at her, she looks up and smiles at me. I walk out of her room and she turns over and goes to sleep.

At night, when I nurse her, she sometimes pops off and looks up at me. I can see these 2 eyes and even thought its dark, they are looking for something. A sign, a word, something to tell her what to do next. I kiss her gently on the face and she gives me a satisfied look. Again, i rock her gently in the dark, holding her close and smelling her. When she gets drowsy, I turn her sideways, give her a kiss and lay her in her crib for nighttime.

She trusts that I will be back for her when she is done with her sleep. She trusts in herself that she can go to sleep without my help. The kiss tells her I trust her to do the same. Such a simple thing, a kiss. And certainly one of the more cherished moments I get to have with her everyday. this kid really completes me.

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After I gave birth in the hospital, I got these horrible hives up my ass, back and legs. The dr looked at it and said i must be allergic to something but we wouldnt know what.

Fast forward to today and I still have these itchy patches on the back of my thighs. ITs only on my thighs and its on both legs. I have NO Idea what causes this. But I have scratched them so bad that i think i have scarred them. =( I'm thinking something in my diet is causing these hives but i eat so many damned things i dont even know how to go about cross things off. Since she basically eats what i eat through breast milk, I also wonder if the same thing is causing Maddie's eczema rash....I should go see a dermatologist...

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Since starting Maddies on meats, which give the purees a thicker texture, she seems to be gradually moving towards chunkier foods. I tried to give her some pureed cantaloupe today, which was really soupy (my fault), and she wasnt having it. I would LOVE to move her to more table food....so im going to be experimenting more. Once she turned 6 months, I started giving her pancakes, waffles, bread/bagels, puffs and mum mums. But I havent given her pieces of anything else. In the beef stew i made, there were small chunks of orzo and i have given her some mashed potato but thats the closest she got to table food.

Today I made a pot of sauce. I made some mini meatballs to try out and boiled up some rotini. Maddie LOVED this. i put a piece of pasta (very small) with sauce in her mouth and she actually smiled. LOL.

On this same topic, Maddie can pick up pieces of food but she does not bring this to her mouth. This astounds me bc she puts everything into her mouth. Remotes, cell phones, toys, whisks, etc. But when it comes to food, she looks it over, plays with it, throws it but rarely put it up to her mouth. Should I be concerned? Shes ahead of schedule in getting the pincer grip (using thumb and index finger) but i feel like shes behind in putting the food to her mouth. I think most kids SHOVE the food into their mouths. I wonder if I am hindering her by constantly feeding her myself.

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so now that i have my period, my milk supply is SO low (normal). I feel bad for poor Maddie.

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Maddie is starting to roll both ways now! She was like zoolander, only rolling on her right side. TOday she tried to go left. She still has a lot of work to do though lol.
I feel like shes kind of slow in the rolling department too, but no worries. Every kid goes at their own pace.

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Food:

Heres how you can stretch an easy meal...

I made a pot of sauce yesterday and some mini meatballs. i baked the meatballs first, then put them in the sauce to cook more.


I set aside some rotini, 3 meatballs and sauce for maddies lunch for the next 3 days.


I set aside some more meatballs and sauce to make pizza for lunch the next day. (more later)

I take the bulk of the sauce and make penne alla vodka. well, i didnt have penne, so i used Mostaccioli. I was annoyed i didnt have any pasta with ridges but oh wells.

Sautee some onions, garlic and pancetta.


Add your sauce and let it sit for a bit. Then add in your cream. you can whip up the cream a bit too, which i do and then fold in.


Toss in your cooked pasta and mix. I served with crostinis i bought at the market:


I had leftovers which jae brought in for lunch and more for my own lunch as well.

Pizza for the next day:
We bought this pizza crust for a buck last week, so i decided to use it since i had sauce. All you need to do is add water. I was very skeptical. I usually make my own pizza dough...but now, who has the time? I cant believe i once had time to make my own pasta. No life!


Then press out and add toppings. you can see here the dough doesnt make that big of a pizza.

I used peppers, mushrooms, crushed up meatballs, onion and cheese:


I was surprised that the crust was actually good!


That one pot of sauce went a long way and seriously it cost me a few bucks to make.

its that time again. Maddie's drawer under her crib is filled with clothes she no longer fits. sigh. I spent last night putting away this stuff and sorting out another pile for my cousin who is expecting a girl in June. I'd give her more but im not sure if i will have another girl in the future, so i did save a lot of my stuff.



HOLY CRAP! I'm so pissed. i got my period! after 16 months of not having one....this blows! I guess I shouldnt complain....I am almost 8 months post partum without one, so that was a pretty good run. But seriously...i forgot how gross it felt to have one. *sigh*

last night we had a rough night. maddie suddenly woke up at 10:15pm crying. nothing would console her and she wouldnt go back to bed...till 12:15am! ZOMG. I had no idea what was wrong. We rocked her, we changed her, we searched her body for anything that could be bothering her. She just cried hysterically. I took her out of her room, into our room so she could calm down. Then I went to nurse her. Finally, I just couldnt rock her anymore and she was WIDE awake...so i just laid her down in her crib. she whined for like 2 seconds before going to sleep. She was probably so tired from all the crying. So girlfriend lost 2 hours of sleep right there but still woke up at her normal time of 6:15am. sheesh!

again, im not a fan of the baby stage. i cant wait for the day when she can tell me whats wrong herself. its a very helpless feeling when you just dont know...and you cant help.

in other news, im thinking of weaning maddie to the bottle. shes been nursing for a really short amount of time lately...bc she likes to pop off and look around. the bottle would also be easier on me since anyone can feed her. The cons of this are - pumping! I pumped twice yesterday and i hated both of them. I HATE THE PUMP. and im not a great pumper. i dont get a lot of milk when i pump so its super frustrating. But I'll continue and give it a try and see what happens.



in food news:

the other night i made a really simple dinner.

Cripsy potatoes - could not be easier...

2 grated potatoes...heat a pan up with a little oil and butter and pat the potatoes down into the pan. let it sit for 10 minutes undisturbed.


the hardest part of this recipe is the flip. Flip the potatoes onto a plate and then slide the cake back into the pan to cook the other side. MMMMM....crunchies! And thats it, there you have it. We slice like its a pizza. ITS GOOOOD. Oh, salt and pepper both sides, of course.


alongside the potatoes, i just grilled a steak real quick. Marinated in soy, sesame oil, garlic, honey. cook 4 mins on each side. easy peasy.